There is to be a blue moon tonite. Why is it I am thinking about him? I try to reconcile it all in my mind. Logically, I believe it is because my son is really coming into an expressive age. He everyday tells me how much he loves me. He loves me forever. He has begun to bring me flowers. It seems impossible that he would use the same words and phrases….but unbelievably he does although you have moved away nearly a year ago to a country that is so far and unreachable that it may as well be on the moon.
If you came back into our lives…..I know I would not be with you again. But it doesn’t stop my thinking about you, us, and our son. I try to pour all the love that was left into our son….and I think you would be so very proud. One time you said…Never you forget that I love you. Never you forget. And some how that sealed my eternal damnation….and somehow it comforts me too. You loved me the way a boy would love. Unhindered and I was held so tight that even reality could not creep in between…..but life has that way of tapping you on the shoulder. It reminds you that love has to sometimes be greater. And that sometimes….you break the rules of Life….many times by accident without knowing. And then what is before you is man….with the love of a boy….and what can you do with that…..because Life will call you back. And the woman in you wonders if Love is angry because you turned your back. On days and nights like this….if you listen, very carefully….you might hear a very quiet crumbling….and that would be the sound of my heart.
We were not always lovers. Actually we were friends for much longer. Twelve years we were friends when we crossed that line together…..and now that I think about it….I have know you for over half of my life. I do miss us. No more, regret….because if we did not cross that line…I might never have known what we had and I could live without having a chance to taste a sweet fruit that will likely be elusive to me. Now the torturous pain far surpasses the pleasure. But what I miss the most is my friend…..and the hole in my heart is profound.
I heard a song on my radio today and of course you creeped back into my mind. He was my unofficial dance partner at one time. And this was our song. How could I have known that everytime I would hear it…..my heart would sing and cry simultaneously. Once it was a dance. Then it became a prophecy. And now it is just a reminder. So tonight I will have to hide away from this blue moon. I wonder if anyone understands. I don’t mean the words….but the sentiment. I will translate…..probably very badly. So Daniela O. and my other bilingual friends help me out if you can. This song is by Monchy y Alexandra. They are singing to each other. It is a beautiful song and I know even if you don’t understand the words…..you can feel the meanings.
Hoja en Blanco….
Monchy:
Fue imposible sacar tu recuerdo de mi mente
fue imposible olvidar que algun dia yo te quice (It is impossible to erase your memory from my mind, it is impossible to forget that day) Alejandra:
Tanto tiempo pasó desde el dia que te fuiste
ahi yo supe que las despedidas son muy tristes
Nunca me imagine que un tren se llevara en su viaje
aquellas ilusiones que de niños nos juramos
todos tus sentimientos los guardaste en tu equipaje
quiciste consolarme y me dijiste yo te amo
Alexandra:
So much time has past since the day you went away, I know that goodbyes are so very sad. Never I imagined that a train would take you away along with the illusions of children (it is hard to explain this- but like the ideas of love you have as a child) All the love we swore to each other was kept safe in your suitcase to console me and you told me that I love you.
Desde entonces no supe que seria de tu vida
desde entonces no supe si algun dia regresabas
los amigos del pueblo preguntabas si volvias
llorando di la espalda no les pude decir nada
After this, I know nothing of your life, After this, I did not know if someday you would return,The friends of our town asking if you would return,I turned away as I was crying and said nothing.
Monchy:
Ayer que regresé a mi pueblo
aguien me dijo que ya te casaste
mirame y dime si ya me olvidaste
me marcharé con los ojos aguados Despues le pregunté a la luna
me dio la espalda e intento ocultarse
hasta la luna sabe que me amaste
hasta la luna sabe que aun me amas
Yesterday I returned to my town and someone told me you had married.Look at me and tell me that you have forgotten me And I will leave my eyes filled with tears.After this I will ask the moon to turn away from me so that I can hide.Because the moon knows that I love you.Because the moon knows that you still love me.
Monchy:
Y vuela vuela por otro rumbo
ve y sueña sueña que el mundo es tuyo
And fly, fly ….(and I am not sure of this word “rumbo”)And dream, dream that the world is yours
Alexandra:
Tu ya no puedes soñar conmigo
aunque mis sueños se iran contigo
You can no longer dream about me,
Although my in my dreams I go with you.
Es tan triste tener que decirte que me olvidesotro amor ha llegado a mi vida y no te quiero
It is so sad that I must tell you to forget me
I have another love in my life and that I don’t love you.
Monchy:
Es muy tarde no puedo negarte que me muero
pero no callaran mis palabras pa' decirte
que soñaré contigo siempre que cierre mis ojos
que entonaré por ti mis cantos tristes noche a noche
que lloraré sin ti cuando recuerde que estoy solo
y al recordar que duermes en los brazos de otro hombre
Me pregunto si aun reflejas algo de mi vida
si en tu memoria vive aquel amor de tantos años
aquel hombre que siempre te ha querido desde niña
que llora porque el amor de su vida se ha casado
It is very late and I cannot deny that I am dying. No one can silence my words when I tell you that when I dream about you
Forever I will close my eyes and sing my sad songs night after night
I will cry without you and remember that I am aloneAnd remember how it hurts me that you are in the arms of another man.I wonder …when you reflect upon your life will there be something of my life. If in your memory, lives something of our love of many years.
This man will always have the girl that I loved since she was a girlAnd I weep because the love of my life has married another.
Alejandra:
Es triste ver que un tren se aleja
y en el se va lo mejor de tu vida
dime el motivo de tu despedida
¿Por que te fuiste dejando mil penas? Un dia recibi tu carta
quice leerla y era una hoja en blanco
pues de tu vida nunca supe nada
como preguntas que si aun te amo
It is so sad to see that the train has gone on its wayAnd that with it the best thing in your life Tell me the reason for your goodbye.Why is it that you left me with a thousand pains? (this can also be shames)
One day I received a letter from you. There it was…. a blank page.I knew nothing of your lifeSo I have to ask myself the question…. if I even love you.
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Comments: 21
hey Barb.....you know the ringtone I have on my cell? this is it.
ve y sueña sueña que el mundo es tuyo
Could this be : " and fly, fly for the other course, and dream, dream the world is yours"?
Partly from my limited store of Spanish/TexMex and a little help from 'babblefish'.
The song is beautiful and as I just came from listening to my favorite local group"Sisters Morales" singing some 'Rancheras' in Spanish I can almost "hear" this one being sung (to the same tune as the last song I heard on my CD, of course).
Devil Woman However, I'm still a firm believer that if you live in America, you should speak English ... it is never a bad idea to learn another language to compliment your native tongue!
Spanish happens to be one of those languages that when heard in song just seems to lend itself to the flow and harmonies of a good romantic ballad
You know that I can speak both. The way you get good at speaking a second language is to practice a lot. I used to do that when I would do dancing at the Latin Clubs. I had to make mistakes, trip over word.....and primarily not be afraid.
So I don't want to make excuses....because I agree completely with what you say that if you come here you should learn.
But I want you to know this. I have been speaking Spanish conversationally since I was about 25. I am now 37. So I have been part of both communities.
these are my observations if you are truly interested. these are not observations of public policy....only what I know from my expererience so take it in context.
1. I can count on my one hand the people I have met who do NOT want to know some English.
2. Most people are afraid to ask me. But when they do......I can't get them to stop asking me. There was a period of time where i would not answer the phone because I was so overwhelmed. And I have led study groups and I have never, ever had a more dedicated group of people wanting to learn English.
3. When I ask them why they don't try more with other people. I am told that they are scared. That they are afraid. Funny thing. When I learned Spanish...I had the same fears and they held me back for some time. So that is natural to anyone speaking a second language. Of course you have some who are bold. But the grand majority is scared.
3. Their fear is compounded because of their status. But that is the consequence of what you have done. If you choose to come this way then your consequence is to live in the shadows. You stay amongst yourselves. This is not at all conducive to learning a second language. This is not a judgement. Or a commentary on immigration. It is just a fact.
4. Their fear is well justified. I don't mean to call you out DW and I am not trying to change your mind. Take your question of the day yesterday about if some one who is destitute and asked you for help would you help. (I am paraphrasing. Please look at her article for exactness) Look at many of the responses. Now. Let's change the question. Just for arguements sake (but please lets not argue) What if the question was.....If you saw someone on the street who was destitute would you help them out? Likely if a person is starving they are not going to identify themselves as doing bad one way or another. People strung out on drugs beg and we don't or do feed them and then call the police. Bait and then strike. It is an option that we take. Then there were reponse like I would take them home and have them make my food. I know they were trying to be funny. But what if I said....or the question changed to something like this..... What if you saw a prostitute on the street and she was hungry and begging you for food. what would you do? And someone said.....I would give her a sandwich and then make her service me. Gross right? What if you saw a runaway in a trainstation and she was hungry what would you do? What if someone said....i would take her to my house and make her (insert task here). That was how gross it was to me. Like it or not. These people are human too. And they are afraid. And you can fairly say that for some reasons they deserve to be afraid. But not like that. This also creates animosity....and more and more don't want to learn but instead insulate.
5. I once asked someone I was teaching.....ok you are afraid to ask for help in learning English....but yet you are not afraid to ask for jobs. I don't understand. It was explained to me that you have to work to live. You have to work to eat. You cannot eat English. But yet they want to learn English because they know that it means much more opportunity and believe it or not most agree it is what should be done.
6. Have you ever tried to learn another language? Did you mispronouce a word and someone laugh and you feel embarassed? Why do you not speak another language now? It is the same. Fortunately we do not have to learn another language. But imagine if you did.
AGAIN.....I am not asking you to agree. only think about what I am saying to you.
and lastly.
Claire de Lune is actually a song that is sung here in the States as well. It is also an American play. It is also a poem. In French it means the light of the moon if I remember correctly......Peter may need to help me out on that one.
Please don't be ugly to me because I raise these points. I am not asking anyone to change their minds. I believe in America. I believe we are good hearted people. I believe we want to protect the American ideal.....which is paramount. But we must, must.....think before we act. We must have all the information instead of shooting from the hip. We must be able to trust our information. For that reason I say....you don't know me. So find out on your own. do your own reasearch. Or trust me. Those who have known me long enough know.....well. You know my ways as much as you can. If you don't know me get to know me. If you have questions ask. Being Patriotic does mean speaking out. It does mean swallowing your fear and speaking up when you see things that are off balance and out of line. Yes this whole situation is off balance. It is true. Something must be done yes. But keep it in context. First the laws that allow us to be exploited.... all of us as a whole. And the enforcement of those laws. We are America. We have lost face in the World community because we have not held to the ideals that we hold. Well. I don't want to say that. We the people....have allowed our leaders to permit torture, put cronies in positions where they ought not be, run the world bank, put the fox in the hen house at regarding Voting, put imminent domain in place, the Attorney General and Karl Rove given a blank slate. I am outraged and tired of screaming. We invaded another country. We are charging at windmills. fighting terrorism is like fighting poverty, disease, and all the other things that we want to stop......when there is no clear goal it is like writing a blank check. Our young men and women are dying for oil. Iran and Iraq kept each other in check and now our leader have palyed us as pawns. When is enough enough? This is not what we the People wanted. Not my America. We believe in ideals. And ideals are NOT exclusively republican or democratic. They are OURS.
ugh...I have ranted and went on a tangent. Forgive me
And Karen. You are right. But you know the funny thing is I don't love him everyday. There are days I hate him too. i cannot lie. he never should have pursued me when he was not free to do so. and I should have investigated further. it is just a big case of what ifs. there is another Bolivian song I think of when I think of that. But I cannot remember the name.....by a group called Proyeccion. Something about someone looking at another and imagining that to be together would be like imagining that the sun rotated around the moon or the moon around the sun.....yes i think that was it. in the song he really meant that he was a poor boy and she was out of his league so to speak so to imagine them being together permanently was impossible in reality but completely real to him in his dreams. and that is a common theme....i think.
Actually I was thinking Hugh Grant. But I can think of Hugh Grant in Tights. Ohhhh you know who I realllllly like is Patrick Stewart. He has a nice accent.
Oh and actually I think American accents are great....I should say. I like the cute little Boston accent. And the cute lil Southern Boy accent. Midwest makes you melt.
HEY. as DW might say.....too much swooning in here!
I swooneth too much.