The Whales Of Sacramento

SAN FRANCISCO - Two humpback whales that swam from the Pacific Ocean far up into central California's inland waterways are within miles from open ocean, a U.S. government spokesman said today. "It's a shame they left. We were gonna shoot at them if they didn't leave. That would have been some fun!"

At times they appeared to be drunk and disoriented. Whales are well known to be heavy drinkers.

The whales, named Delta and Dawn by the idiots who watch these bloated ugly creatures, presumed to be a mother and calf, have been in the Sacramento-San Joaquin Delta for the past two weeks. At one point, they swam as far north as the state capital of Sacramento where they peed and pooped in the water for weeks. Local resident Carl Curmudgeon described them as parasitical disease bags. "Those slimey barnacle-crusted cetaceans are going to give their STDs to all the native born fish." He further added "You watch, all our fish will have crabs!" 

So after entering the country illegally and getting free healthcare, the ungrateful beasts have left.