Toe Season is Open! Why I Hate 'Em

Toes! Hands down, are one of God's uglies on the invention lineup. There are a  couple of other body parts running a close second - but?  but it's against the law to go around with those uncovered.

It's a shame we  need toes to stand up. If we didn't we'd likely get them chopped off like tonsils or appendixes.  However, they do a pretty good job of decorating the ends of our feet and can be used for other purposes.  Those of us  who use our toes as a 'grabber' to avoid bending over comes to mind.

My son picks up his underwear and slings them with his toes. While it's a perfect job for his toes? It doesn't say much about the state of his underwear I'm afraid.

Despite my dislike of toes,  I can't imagine  feet without them even if they are ugly.  Like lampshades with fringe, they just look better somehow.

I don't like my toes. I have chopped off shorties. Vienna sausages. On hot days, the swelling of Vienna Sausage Toes isn't pretty. Especially when according to Cosmo? Feet should be pretty. 

Toes are the new accessory.  You are supposed to decorate them, exhibit them, show them off.  Scrub, wax, soak, paint, polish and peel.  Sounds like a conspiracy to me and someone's taking it all the way to the bank.

Don't worry. I'm not a toe-ist. I don't like other people's toes either. I don't like toes in public. I especially don't like to look across to tables next to me when I'm eating out and seeing gangly, ugly, knotted, bunioned, neglected, abused, sometimes hairy topped or fungus infected  toes while I'm eating. Maybe I should drink more. 

I don't like male toes moreso than I don't like female toes. Baby toes that are short and chubby are always cute though. I have been known to actually kiss baby toes a time or two.

Between long and skinny toes or sausage like chunky toes? 

I prefer sausage toes. Extremely skinny toes, creep me out. There's nothing creepier than seeing toes that look like fingers in the wrong place.

I also get creeped out by toes that are all smushed up underneath each other, second toes that are an inch longer than big toes, big toes that are twice as big as they should be and Big toes without toe nails.

Especially big toes  without toe nails - those make my toes recoil in sympathetic ghost toe pain.  After that?  the next thing on the list that grosses me out is dirty toes. Eweeeee.

If I have to see mens' toes in public, I prefer they are in nice sandals, not thongs or flops.

I appreciate all the women who take the time to take care of their toes. I especially love little flowers painted on their big toe nails. 

On women, I love cute thong sandals or flip flops that make a statement. They don't have to be flashy, just clean and substantial enough to qualify as some sort of shoe.

What I can't stand about flip flops more so than the liklihood I'm going to be seeing the gross toes in them? Is that slapping sound people make when they shuffle along in them. Slap, slop, flip, flop. Slap. Slap. Slap. Flip. Flop. Plap. Plap.  While I don't mind this sound at the pool? It makes me cringe everywhere else - mostly at work.

At any rate, it's that time of year again. It's toe time. I'm going to concentrate on not looking down and hope everyone is wearing great earrings.

I LOVE Earrings!!  Just not those dangly ones that pull the holes in ears so long that I'm afraid their ear is going to split at the bottom.

And, not the ones that make jangly noises, or slip forward too far, or spin and get tangled...