I set my bowl of freshly-made hummus onto the table and survey the group of appetizers all my friends have contributed to the party. J. has brought his delicious guacamole and L. has prepared a lovely cheese plate, with three different cheeses and six varieties of crackers. Everyone is happily enjoying these delightful offerings. We've started off the evening with a crisp, cool Viognier and all are chatting and relaxing on the sun-warmed deck.
The company is good, the food and wine are well paired. K. pops open a Prosecco and the party's good mood gets a little bubbly. B. is busily grilling some delicious tuna and salmon steaks, as well as fresh squash, crisp lemony broccoli and marinated asparagus stalks for us to dine on shortly.
The evening is balmy, with a lovely light breeze that brushes my hair against my cheek. A. pours a taste of Chardonnay to start our meal with, and I savor the crunch of the broccoli against my teeth.
The seared tuna steak is magnificent with a light Pinot Noir. As we eat, the chatter dies off and we are serenaded by the springtime chorus of frogs and birds settling down for the night. The camaraderie of the gathering prompts smiles across the group. We linger over our last bits, stretching the moments out as long as possible.
When we've finished our partaking in this scrumptious dinner, M. and I clear the dishes away and the gentle clatter restores the group's wish for discussion. I serve a dollop of a palate-cleansing homemade mint-basil sorbet to all my guests. As the last rays of the sun slip out of the sky and the first starlight becomes visible, we sip our dessert wine, share a laugh, and feel grateful that life is good.
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Comments: 17
I've been told my pate is great. May I bring it?
Barbara C
You and I suffer from the same malady, so I will give you the advice I hear often. Spell out single word numbers: "three different cheeses and six varieties of crackers" rather than using the numeral.
You have a good mix of simple and compound sentences. One I would think about breaking down is: "The seared tuna steak is magnificent with a light Pinot Noir and the chatter dies off as we eat and are serenaded by the springtime chorus of frogs and birds settling down for the night." Ending it after "Pinot Noir" and starting the next sentence with "The chatter dies off..." gives taste a chance to stand strong while the sounds are highlighted as well.
This article did a great job of maintaining verb tense, something often forgotten when writers get caught up in their story.
What market are you going for with this? I can see it in a "Lifestyle" section of the newspaper (in which case I'd accompany it with a sidebar giving more info about the wines) or a "Cooking" section (accompany it with recipes for some of the dishes mentioned. Lots of possibilities here. You go, girl!
I also think this article could be divided up with headings for each of the segments of the evening: Pre-party prep, meal prep, the meal, post-meal, clean-up and dessert. With corresponding art, this could be a knock-out piece using little more words than you have now.
Otherwise, you paint a delightful picture of the evening with your words. This sounds like a great time that really allowed you and your guests to enjoy the evening (complete with frogs and birds ... I love it!).
When you expand this article it might be nice to share some descriptions of fellow wine sippers. I wanted to know a bit about the people! This might be best for your re-post after the party. The best of luck.