SNL Weekend Update Quotables

Seth and Amy had quite a few zingers on the season finale of SNL and for me, it's the only way to get the news.  Here are a few:

POEHLER -- "The average national price of a gallon of gas hit an all-time record high of $3.15 this week. Meaning that, wherever you're going this summer, it might be cheaper to mail your car."

"Weekend Update" co-anchor SETH MEYERS -- "During a concert of the Virginia Symphony at the 400th Anniversary celebration of Jamestown, President Bush briefly took over conducting the orchestra. Which explains why the orchestra is now 4 trillion dollars in debt."

MEYERS -- "The New York Police Department is deploying ten Segway scooters this week to patrol on pathways and in parks in an effort to increase murder."

POEHLER -- "A new bird called the Gorgeted Puffleg, which is a blue and green-throated hummingbird species, was discovered in a cloud forest in Colombia. Though, still nothing on Bin Laden."


MEYERS -- "Firefighters in Alaska were called in to lift a 7500-pound elephant that had lay down and refused to get up. Because if there's one thing firefighters in Alaska know how to deal with, it's elephants."

POEHLER -- "Sesame Workshop, the creators of Sesame Street, are in talks in Northern Ireland to bring the show there. Producers have already created a new character for the show called 'Drink You Under the Table' Elmo."

POEHLER -- "Candy Spelling, Tori Spelling's mother, posted a letter to Paris Hilton on the internet warning her to change her ways and that she is 'not as truly entitled as her money implies.' Ah, white wine -- helping old ladies embarrass themselves for centuries."

POEHLER -- "ABC this week announced plans to launch a sitcom based on the caveman characters from the well-known Geico commercials. Not to be outdone, NBC is introducing their new drama '1-800 Mattress.'"

MEYERS -- "Indiana's Putnamville Correctional Facility has created a program where inmates care for retired racehorses at a prison farm. And this just in, the prisoners have escaped on the racehorses.