I Can't Go Back

I Can't Go Back

 Here I am, viewing my groups, photos and articles and every once in awhile, Gather glitches and I can get to a page, but cannot go back to the page before it.  I click and click and my screen sits idle. After about six times of this occuring, it becomes frustrating and I want to give up, give in to the Gather Glitches, but a little thought comes across my head....

How many times in life have we wished we could "go back" to a place and time that held great memories for us, or a time that we wished we could do differently?  Wouldn't it be nice if we could click a button and be back at our high school prom, or at our wedding day or to another momentous occasion? 

A good friend of mine passed away on May 15, 2007.  I hadn't seen her person to person since about 1992, and we lost touch over the years, but a few years ago, a mutual friend slipped me her email address, and we reconnected.  It was wonderful to hear from her and we continued contact until the day before she went into the hospital.  If I could go back, I'd visit her again in her home where I first met her, where she planted ground covers on the sloping hills of her yard, something her doctors were amazed she could accomplish... she was the person who introduced me to the Lord, who showed by example the joy that living for Jesus could provide.  I always knew she was a special person.  I hadn't ever met anyone like her before, the way she exuded confidence, the manner in which she interacted with others.  I thought she was amazing!  She maintained a website that captured her life, growing up with physical limitations, death sentences by doctors who assured her she would die young, and the obstacles she overcame throughout the years, and while she was still living, I only partially read it.  It wasn't until after her passing that I have started to read it in every detail.  Why is it we do that?  Why do we wait so long to do things?  If I could go back, I'd read it while she was still living and let her know how it personally affected me, how SHE personally affected me, and how over the years, her friendship and teaching always lived in my heart, always found a way to prode my heart into changing ways or at least giving me the nudge that I often need.

I want to share with all of you her website.  Don't read it because I've posted it.  Read it because your heart is curious and you want to know more about a person who has had a wonderful affect on those that knew her, read it because you too have had moments in life that you wish you could "go back" and relive, or redo....

 http://www.healthinjoy.com/blog_detail.php?article_id=6

Read her story, and not just skim the pages. You will find something in them that will touch you in a way you could never imagine.  She wouldn't want me doing this, (or would she....lol), telling others to visit her page like this, but I feel earnest about sharing her with the world.   The page I linked is an update by a friend, so that others will know of her passing.  I do hope some of you will take the time to meet the Joanie I knew, and loved dearly. 

 I mostly believe that I wouldn't change anything in my life, because everything I've experienced has brought me to the place I am in my life right now.  Every mistake I made, every error in judgment, every good choice...all of it leading to the person I am today.  But there are several instances where I wish I could "go back" and do again.  When my mother passed away in 2003, I definitely would go back so that I could find a way to be with her, and when I had an overwhelming urge to turn my car around and visit a friend, and then decided I'd do it tomorrow.... ignoring that inner voice, only to find out that she passed away that evening... THAT I would redo.  But as you can see, mostly what I would want to redo is based on being with loved ones, telling and showing them how much I care and love them, to be with them one more time....  because that is where I often fail in life.  I wait.  I wait. I wait too long.  And there is really no reason other than I think there will always be more time.  

Sometimes there is no more time. Sometimes you are here on Gather, waiting for a page to load, waiting for the glitches to clear, clicking back, back....

and nothing.  

with love,

Hazel

May,2007