A friend in need

Details and identifying facts have been changed to protect the innocent and the not so innocent!

Not too long ago I learned from a friend of mine that her husband had been caught approaching a teenage girl in a sexual manner. It is a fact that she managed to keep from me for quite some time, but the stress of everything she had to deal with in the aftermath caused her to break down one day and tell me the entire story.

Her husband was home alone with their children waiting for the babysitter to arrive so he could meet the wife (my friend) for their weekly date. Their dates had turned into less than weekly given her pregnancy with their third child. Although her husband arrived for their date a little late and looked a little frustrated and nervous, she didn’t think too much about it until later when they arrived home.

The police were there.

The wife learned, after talking to the police, that the husband had grabbed the 16-year-old babysitter, forced her to kiss him and fondled her. She managed to scream, which caused their two children – ages 10 and 5 – to run into the room. He made some excuse as to why the sitter had screamed, whispered to her that she better not tell anyone, and left the home.

Although the babysitter was quite upset, she managed to get the children settled down with activities and television, and she called her best friend and told her what happened. The best friend convinced her to call her mom and the mom called the police. The police were actually about to dispatch a car to pick up the husband when the couple arrived at home.

My friend said that as she was listening to what the police were saying she kept glancing at her husband who had a strange look on his face. She said it was like he was still going to try to lie his way out of the situation. She said after 10 years of marriage this was something she never suspected. Although their marriage wasn’t perfect, she’d had no indication that he would ever try to molest a child. She even blamed herself because they hadn’t been intimate that often since she’d been pregnant with their third child, but she thought he understood what a difficult pregnancy she was having.

She made a difficult choice and told her husband he had to leave. (...after he had been released on bail. The parents of the teenager had pressed charges. Aggravated assault, I think, or something like that.) In fact, after consulting with a few professionals she found it would be in her best interest since her oldest daughter was developing sexually and although there was no indication that he would molest his own children the fact still remained that he tried to molest another child and that very fact put her own children in danger.

Now we have a pregnant woman caring for two children alone and her future is up in the air. She was a stay-at-home mom who isn’t in the position to get a job at this stage of her pregnancy. I’ve been trying to help her as much as I can. Physically I can’t do much given my own pregnancy, but I hope I’m helping her by being available if she needs to talk and having the children over when I get the chance.

I feel like I can’t do enough and that I should somehow be able to lift the burden of this terrible situation. Her emotions are running the gamut – sad, content, unsure, angry… each day and sometimes each hour bringing on a different array of feelings.

If it were your friend in need, what would you do to help? What advice or support would you give? How would you help her cope?