It is Lonely Being Me

Very well done. I'm not ashamed to admit that you drew a tear.

Excellent and moving piece Magi.

Oh, dear, Chris, I didn't mean to do that.

I've posted this on Mothers Day, and was looking through the eyes of someone ageing all alone .... and mostly forgotten.

Thank you, Janelle. You are very kind.

So beautiful, sad and yet also full of happiness once shared with one loved so deeply. Words that leave an impression upon me and will be imprinted on my mind for some time.

Sarah, you are also most kind. Thank you very much.

This poem is an amalgam of a number of people I know or have known. They once had love in their lives - but now those are mostly memories. And it is a chore - duty even - for their grown-up children to come and visit.

Thoughts of suicide come with the meaningless existence of the present.

Magi, this is so very effective. I was instantly reminded of the Elizabeth Barrett Browning one that starts:

"ENOUGH! We're tired, my heart and I
We sit beside the headstone thus
And wish that name were carved for us. "

Of course your work is in no way derivative, I just mean the FEELING it evokes is similarly poignant and moving. The loss of love, the loss of value and purpose, it's such a gut-tearer isn't it? You've done something quite memorable here. Congratulations!

"so tired, so tired, my heart and I" oh I love that poem. time for bed i think.

Magi, your soul on a plate ! When aging we want to be with someone with whom we can share our days and nights. Sharing is important and vital for the soul. One can be alone and not feel lonely, but this is only for moments or few days. This is the plain truth.
Feeding ourselves from memories is not enough for the soul.
Somehow, I can read you; I don't know how, but I do !
love and light dear friend

Ah, Magi, a beautiful piece, and I can almost see myself in it, sad to say. You've touched nerves here!

"I've posted this on Mothers Day, and was looking through the eyes of someone ageing all alone .... and mostly forgotten. "

*Sigh...

Magi, your response to Chris answered that question for me. It was so wrenching to read this on early Mother's Day morning. It brought to mind exactly the kind of person you described in that response.
For me, the most startling aspect of the work is the use of colors throughout the text. There is a festive aspect of the varied colors that seems to conflict with the words. Maybe it was your intention to add this other subtle, subliminal element of discomfort, to orchestrate the emotion of the poem. If that is the case, it worked.

The emotion in this poem is of overwhelming sadness, but by using 'we' in the last line seems to give some sort of longing and hope. The background scenery is sort of an eerie metaphor to show time has slowly eroded away the spirit of the characters. The house has not been cared for over time just as the relationship has not been cared for over time. Although told almost totally in the present tense, the time line of events of scene and characters is very clear and powerfully painted. I loved the line 'leading to nowhere of substance'. I wish my explanation was better. This is a great poem. Thank you.

Magi, that is a hard hitting verse on the situation of lonely parents, partners left behind by time and death. The alternating colors help so effectively to showcase the *I* VS *WE* situation.
I wish we all have time for each other as we grow old but. the world is moving too fast. Parents are just liabilities to some now. Sad.

Such a beautiful piece, so vivid, so moving

Damn it Magi...don't pick up that splinter....I thought you were talking about yourself and perhaps you were later in this life. Life is for living...not dying.

...and Faith, this goes for you too on second thought.

Thank you, Carolyn, for adding the lines by Elizabeth Barrett Browning - it does, indeed, add to ambiance ... the feeling of my poem.

I think it is tragic that so many people grow old, having only fading memories of love to keep them company and with they themselves not seen as having value.

Marinela, what you say is true: Sharing is important and vital for the soul .... Feeding ourselves from memories is not enough for the soul. In fact, sharing love is at the very heart of the spiritual journey through this world - loving in a loveless place is our only function here.

Your observation that One can be alone and not feel lonely, but this is only for moments or few days. is a common experience in this world. But although this once was excruciatingly true for me, I am blessed - I cannot remember how long it is since I have felt lonely. I am aware of a Loving Presence Who is with me constantly. But I am equally aware that this comparatively rare, and I easily empathise with those who feel lonely. To those, I hold out my hand.

as always l enjoy your work x
something of the rythm (grr l'm never sure of the spelling of that word) or perhaps its the repetion of the phrase puts me in mind of childrens poetry - l mean written for children - yet the content is far from that and somehow that adds to the idea of children growing and leaving and an older person looking backwards ... does that make any sense to you???
anyway its impressive the way it gets under your skin x

I forgot to add, dear Marinela, that we ALL can 'read' others - it is our own disbelief that blocks this experience for many of us. The explanation of how we can 'read' others is that minds are joined - spiritual telepathy, if you will. It is as simple as that - it is our natural and inherent way of communicating as spirits.

Light and Love to you.

Thank you, Faith. Here, take my hand, dear friend.

Jen, thank you for coming along, and for your empathy.

Pamela, there are so many lonely souls forgotten on days like Mothers Day, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day - or paid perfunctory visits but otherwise neglected.

The imagery of the setting is deliberate.

William, thank you for the detailed commentary. You have nailed it, my friend.

Loneliness is sad; and the setting for it in this poem is that of decay ... of the house, the person on the porch and the relationships sliding from love to duty.

The person on the porch is gazing into the mirror darkly - and with the reflection, commits suicide because she/he can take no more.

Thank you very much, Lost Soul. You are so kind, my friend.

Audrey, it is food for thought. Thank you for coming along and sharing in this.

Minnie, thank you. Perhaps we need to slow the world down a tad and remember what is valuable - love! All else is dross.

Thank you, Maria. You are most kind.

Elizabeth, my dear friend, this poem is not about me - though once, long ago, I gazed into the mirror darkly and came within a hair's breadth of ending the agony on my existence.

I now do not walk alone .... I hold Faith's hand, and God holds both of ours. Do not worry on our account. Life is indeed for living. It is about Love, and walking in the light with Light. Thus it is about walking together and never on our own.

Blessings to you.

Yes, Bridget, you do make sense. As a general rule of thumb, I avoid using words that make readers scramble for dictionaries or those with sophisticated connotations or those that are abstracts. Rather, I use simplicity and imagery to tell the story... to evoke the feelings.

In this poem, the story is of decay: (1) of the house on the side of a hill in a lonely valley by a road to nowhere, (2) of a love that has died, (3) of love that has degenerated into perfunctory duty, (4) of eroded self-worth and appreciation by others and (5) of a meaningful life.

Once again, I can see a lot of myself in your exquisite writing. Your descriptive phrases draw the reader in to be part of the experience. Have no fear, though, I am not going to pick up the sharp splinter. But at times, "it is lonely being me."

Blessings to you for your heartfelt writing.

Wilma, once more you are so generous in you comments. Thank you very much.

I'm sure you will not pick up a shard of glass. The loneliness of the soul is an inescapable consequence of believing that one is alone - separate from all other beings and, above all, from God. The spiritual journey of walking into the Light is one of travelling to union with 'others' and God. As we do so, the loneliness evaporates.

Here, take my hand.

This a 100% poem. Such fine work.

Terry, you really are very kind. I thank you for it.

Wow! How terribly terribly sad! I could actually "feel" that poem!!!

Wow! I was too busy not being alone on Mother's Day to read. So glad two of my kids are here, but I see many people I know and have known in your poem. It was stunning, beautiful.

Magi - I like the way you changed colors in the verse - I am assuming the blue was your thoughts you didnt want others to hear and the red was what you would have said? or was it the other way around? would like to know.........very nicely done......j

Deb, this type of situation is far too common. I'm glad that this poem resonated with you - it means I've succeeded in bringing this alive for you.

Thank you, Sheila. I'm pleased to hear that you weren't alone on Mothers Day. And thank you for the compliment.

Hello, Jean! The colour of the text works both ways. Or at least I think it does. The colours differentiate the speaker and thinker, as well as adding a festive visual impact that is contradicted by the imagery of decay and sadness of mood. Well, that was the intent. In the final stanza, the colours and speaker-thinker come together.

Just came back and read your response to my comment and tears are trickling down my cheeks and I'm not brushing them away because they are tears of hope and gladness that my friend is walking in the light.

Elizabeth, I am blessed to count you among my dear friends.

There was a time that I had none - not one - and I wanted to die to end the agony that was my life when walking all alone in very dark places. I have been to the very depths of the lepers' abyss, where even there I was cast out as unworthy; but then I was lifted up to stand in the brilliant Light on the very mountain top.

And I do not stand there alone - my friends and God hold my hand.

Yet, many a time I am sent down to walk again in the dark places - because I speak the language of the lepers - but I do not go alone. I hold up my little lamp to shine hope in the darkness: the Holy Spirit is the Spark in the lamp, and the Lord walks with me.

Much of 'my' spiritual poetry flows from that little lamp, which actually is not little but more like a lighthouse for those who have lost their way. Lest you think I am being arrogant, let me just say that I am merely a carrier of the lamp.

Or so I believe.

And thank you very much for caring.

Hello, Marianne. Thank you very much, my friend, for coming along and for you high words of praise. You really are most kind and generous.

I was once a leper's leper. On deep reflection, it was a great blessing, for when I walked into the light from the black abyss I was astounded by the contrast - from being almost an atheist who wanted to die to end the pain, I clearly recognized that there really was a God of Love, and that outcasts like me were dearly loved by the Creator. Then I slowly learnt that all of us are our hearts, and that our hearts are innocent still. But much more: I learnt that God does not judge against; that He holds our hand. And this is the message of hope and love that my little lamp shines forth to those who still believe that either they are unworthy and condemned to hell or think that they walk hopeless, lost and totally alone.

There are no lepers in the eyes of God - all are welcome and invited to sit at His table in the golden halls of Love. This is truth. It requires neither atonement nor believe - that He believes in you and me is enough. No one is unclean in His eyes. His Love is unconditional - there are no prerequisites.

There endeth the lesson. LOL

Very well done

Thank you, Carol, for coming along and for your praise.

I have little time online this week; but how could I pass by without saying:
Gut wrenching, soul-searing, creatively ingenious and incredibly moving. The theme is so universal that no one can claim to be untouched by the emotional ghosts which drift through this incredible piece It reminds me of two of my favorite haiku of the peerless master, Basho:

Along this road
Goes no one,
This autumn eve.

Kono michi ya
iku hito nashi ni
aki no kure

And on the darker note,

Shake, oh grave!
The autumn wind
Is the voice of my wailing.

Tsuka mo ugoke
waga naku koe wa
aki no kaze

But your excellent explanation and testimony should offer encouragement to all who are lonely; and as you extend your hand to them, honored friend, so will I lift this sacred bamboo and blow unskilled yet sincere notes of solitude interlaced with beauty, and dedicated to all.

Realizing now how utterly inane the above comment must seem - my totally obscure reference was to the way in which the aura of retrospect, silent thought, bittersweet mixture of memories, all swirled about Basho's verses, NOT explicitly but by suggestion, thus bringing to me the same inner sense of the more explicit and image-drenched words so skilfully painted by your pen. And still I make no sense. So let me just say - you dun rill gud.

Welcome, dear Julian. I'm so glad that you made it. Everything is well with you and yours, I trust.

Your comments are generous and make perfect sense. I thank you for being so gracious and kind. I also thank you for the two beautiful haiku by Basho - indeed, he is a peerless master!

I can almost hear you playing the sacred bamboo and blowing a melody of solitude, interlaced with beauty - dedicated to all. We thank you, my friend, for this blessing.

Thank you muchly, Marianne, for your kind thoughts.

In the end, it doesn't matter in the least whether or not we agree. But do bear in mind that God is neither insane nor stupid - there are many pathways home. Which one we choose to follow depends upon our beliefs and needs .... God provides the Guide - the Holy Spirit. His teaching is that innocence is the truth that shall set you free. (You, being all of us.) For this, your absolute belief is not even asked for. But what is asked for is a little willingness that this be so - the belief in original innocence cannot be thrust on you. My friend, the belief in sin and guilt makes blind. The history of the world attests that this is so.

Thank you for your prayers - you are in mine. We are a benediction unto each other - as is everyone.

Wow Magi! Heartwrenching and poignant poem about empty nest syndrome, disillusionment, and lost hope. Your poems have been dark as of late and I'm a bit concerned. Know that I think of you often and you're loved and admired by many, including me. My prayers are with you~ A,manda

Amanda, thank you for your comments and your concern. Have no fear, my dear friend! The recent series of poems are all part of the series of looking into the mirror darkly. But I did not gaze into it alone - my little lamp was and is shining brightly.

Thank you, though, for your generous words and prayers.

Marianne, peace and love go hand in hand - it is impossible that you have one without the other. Its only price is awakening to the presence of God. But to have peace, you must first feel safe - you cannot feel safe if you engage in war of any kind. To feel safe you must first be able to trust. To trust, you must be aware that you are not alone - that there is a Loving Presence watching over you. When you achieve the first inklings of that, you realize that you cannot have enemies - all are brothers/ sisters equally loved by God.

In this world, are there brothers and sisters who attack? Indeed there are! Why do they attack? They attack because they are fearful. Why are they fearful? They are afraid because eternal Love is not in their awareness. What are they asking for? They ask for love. Counterattack increases their state of fear and alienation when what they need is love. They are asking for love! Jesus knew that. That is why he taught us to turn the other cheek, to love thy enemy .... to love one another. You cannot walk with Jesus if you disregard His fundamental teaching of unconditional love - of being a war-maker rather than a peace maker. It is the ego that teaches the opposite - of sin and damnation, of making war.

Innocence is the truth that sets you free. How? By only looking back with love at love - and letting everything else go. Without the past of seeing others as enemies or sinners, there is only the present in which to judge them .... but without the past, you cannot judge them. This is the crucial circuit breaker.

The history of the world teaches that there is war .... that there is no enduring love .... that, therefore, there is no God who will protect from the forces of evil. The gospel of innocence teaches that this is not so - that it is a misunderstanding rooted in fear. The answer to fear is love.

What you believe and value is true for you - you will seek and find the witnesses to attest to the truth of it, even if this truth is actually false. You can as easily believe in innocence and seek it. You can either be a host for the love of God or a hostage to the ego's valuing of sin and damnation. This is the fundamental choice that each of us must make. We are either brothers and sister to be loved or enemies to be cast out and destroyed. We are either innocent or we are guilty. There is no middle path. It is one or the other. To try and make a compromise so that you have a bit of innocence and a bit of guilt is to make blind through confusion - but confusion is total. Confusion destroys clarity.

Jesus did not die for our sins - it is an ego belief rooted in fear. The Crucifixion has no meaning without the Resurrection. He did not defend Himself and did not condemn His executioners. His Resurrection proved that divine laws prevail over the physical laws - that love conquers everything. He was illustrating that this fundamental ego belief of death, is not so.

Concentrate on the Resurrection, not the Crucifixion - the journey to the Cross was a useless journey unless you recognize that this was but a means to an end: of demonstrating the power of love; and that other laws transcend ego laws. (Note that ego is the belief in physicality - that you are separate from all other living things, including God. But you were created in God's image - He is not a body. No more are you. All that is real is spirit and manifestation of spirit - all that is of the ego is madness and unreal, even if you believe it to be real.

The only price I pay for the awareness of God in my life - in this world - is peace of mind. I pay it gladly. In return I am met with warm smiles wherever I go rather than frowns and suspicion. I revel in paying the price for this. I look for innocence and I find it in everyone I meet.

Thank you for the very big compliment, Marianne - you, too, are a treasured friend, albeit one who does not as yet not believe or fully understand what unconditional love actually implies - innocence. But I will believe it for you until you do. When you do, your will realize that innocence really is the truth that sets you free.

There endeth the lesson. LOL

Marianne, I've always been aware that you've been quoting scripture. But ego misinterpretations of Scripture, even that Scripture directly inspired by God, leads to darkness: which manifests in fear, guilt and the insistence upon sin and eternal damnation. And there is much in the Bible which is not the Word of God but the words of the ego. Which words? Any that instill fear or hate - any that is non-loving. This holds true of the New Testament as well. For example, the injunction of "Slaves obey your masters" is insane.

The ego cannot be a guide to the Words of God - something I've been saying all along. I do not believe at all in the resurrection of the body - spirit is the truth of what we are, and not the body. The body is the fundamental separation device of the ego.

Marianne, my friend, your heart is in the right place. But you can only maintain your beliefs through dissociation.

God is not a body ergo you are not a body. God is all that is ergo you are irrevocably a part of God ergo you are not an EGO. God is eternal ergo you are eternal. God is Love and Innocence ergo you are love and innocent. God is free ergo you are free. I have been saying this all along. To recapitulate: God has created you free, loving and innocent - I most certainly will not argue otherwise. All of us remain exactly as the Lord created us - that is immutable, and that is the very foundation of the gospel of innocence.

Thanks for the hug - such is always welcome, except when I have a cold. LOL

Light and Love to you.

A most excellent poem.

Nicola my friend, your doctrine troubles me greatly though. To speak of another's sacred text, a thing beyond the wisdom of man, as being insane . . . This is not a kind thing. You have work yet to do, whether you believe it or no.

Simply as a poet you ought to know that one cannot take a tiny fragment of an immense whole, and judge. Do you really think that God's wisdom is bound by your own? If not, then realize that some things which are True, will strike you as foolish. God does not simply know many repetitions of what a human might understand. He is not to be "captured" like a lightning bug in a jar you shake to punctuate your beliefs.

Bright and tempting are your promises, and well they ought be, for they are the echos of those made in the garden . . . "Ye shall not surely die" . . . There is a reason that lesson came first, and I urge you to ponder it very deeply.

An understanding of the precise verse you called insane, provided me great comfort when I was led to understand it. For multitudes are slaves, bound to perform the will of others in order to eat and have a bed, and provide for their families as well. The message is not condoning some particular manifestation of bondage, but rather, something much like your doctrine, telling us that God is always with us. Telling us not to despair our state overmuch, for it is but a short stay. And telling us not to grind our spirits into sorrowful gloom, by resenting each moment of labor done for the profit of another. That He will not forget, and counts our good work as service to Him.

And what point is there in drawing wrath from those who can harm us at will? Have we no wits about us, that we cannot wait till the time when our steps toward freedom will not be seen, or not be seen as a threat, to one who holds our well being in their hand? It is easy to ignore the suffering of others, but God overlooks nothing. He would not wish that children suffer, for lack of understanding of His pronouncement of their freedom.

Consider Dr. King. Did he not perceive the wisdom of that verse? Did he not change the world through that perception? Did he not discover that it is a key, and not the lock? Surely you did not mean to say he was . . .


"To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven"

It is the time of flesh still . . . And mirrors can be perilous windows.

Marianne, if original innocence - which is immutable- is something that you cannot accept, then do give up, for nothing will persuade me to abandon the belief in that reality.

No, don't hug me when I have a cold - you are not meant to suffer, either with me or for me. You are meant to love, and in that there is no suffering.

And love and light right back to you, my friend.

Welcome, John. Firstly, thank you very much for your kind comment about the poem itself.

Now to the comment thread, my friend. I trust that I will answer your points.

God is Love in my belief and experience. Love does not shackle - if it imprisons, it is not love. Love sets free. If you believe in the God of love you can only believe in slaves obeying their masters (not matter how you interpret that) if you dissociate. Bring the two conflicting beliefs/views together and one cannot stand - they contradict each other. It is indeed insanity to believe that the God of Love and freedom would have some set above others (masters) who are bound in servitude to obey. Neither do I believe that the whole of the Bible or any other sacred text, of any religion, is the unadulterated word of God. Egos have come into play over the millenia - dogma and doctrine, too often methods of control (enslavement, if you like), have been written into the sacred text.

The Truth is knowable: God surrounds you with your saviours - everyone you meet. How you view them determines whether you experience ego scarcity, chaos, fear - all those things that a loving God knows not. His bounty surrounds you - but ego makes blind through fear, guilt and thirst for vengeance and punishment.

I agree in part with you when you say that God is, Telling us not to grind our spirits into sorrowful gloom, by resenting each moment of labor done for the profit of another. The Will of God for us is indeed our happiness, and thus sorrow, resentment and gloom is not His Will for us. But there is no such being as a happy slave or prisoner. Imprisonment and servitude are the dark companions of the ego, and to believe in them or to accept them is to walk the road to nowhere. Love is Light is freedom.

I do not make ego judgments about the worth of others - I accept their innocence and worth as established by a Loving Father, Who loves them all equally and unconditionally. Thus one cannot be set above another except through ego dissociation - equality and inequality are mutually exclusive.

Nor are you meant to suffer now, hoping that there will be a future release. This instant is all that there is of time - you cannot be born in the future, you cannot fall sick in the future, you cannot die in the future - only in the now! God is eternal, and creates only the eternal. Eternity and time contradict each other; and you can only maintain the belief in both through dissociation. Eternity means always, and always has no direction. This instant is the only 'time' that there is.

Wisdom is the recognition that one knows nothing - for knowing totality is beyond any ego in this world. Only God, the Creator of totality, knows. Does that mean we should not strive to learn? Of course we should. God is knowable, as is Truth. But not via the ego frames of reference of this world. That is why there are sacred scripts, none of which has a monopoly on Truth, yet all of which do share strands of Truth. But God is not a fool. Our need for guidance is as great now as it was 2,000 years ago. But the symbols - the forms (not content) have changed immensely. Thus there are also 'recent' or 'modern' texts. For example, "A Course in Miracles" - it behoves one to read this gospel of original, immutable innocence, if one genuinely seeks enlightenment leading to Truth. But more, God is knowable through your own experience. The test is this: if you walk uncertain as to the way, fearful, deprived, angry, hateful, sorrowful, depressed .... you walk alone. You are on an ego journey, trudging along the road to nowhere in the wilderness. I use you as a collective noun. It applies to me just as much as to anyone else.

Dr King was a fine soul. But surely you do not believe that he made no mistakes? Even Peter the Rock denied Jesus and hid in fear because he did not understand.

The time of flesh, my friend, is merely an interpretation. If you value time and/or the body you will believe in both and they will be real for you. Both time and the body are ego separation devices that isolate you from everything in the universe, including God. To value separation is to value the valueless.

I believe that we are spirit and eternal. We remain exactly and precisely as God created us - for we were created in His image.

As to whether windows are perilous, it depends on the perceiver. If one looks into the mirror darkly with the purpose of confirming darkness, then it is perilous indeed. For what one seeks one will find. If one looks with love at love and disregards the rest, the darkness is gone.

Methinks, John, I have gone far too long in a comment. And thus I will conclude here.

But thank you for coming along and contributing your beliefs. I doubt that anything I say will alter what your beliefs. Equally, I hold to the belief that innocence is the Truth that sets us free.

Peace and Light to you, dear brother.

Marianne - empathise away. Please spare me a thought on Sunday. I've put my home up for sale, and on Sunday it will be open for inspection.

Indeed, God is Love. We are of one mind on that, my friend. His Love meant that Jesus was Resurrected - the Crucifixion was the means for this as part of a great lesson in Love. Of itself, the Crucifixion is meaningless.

Anyway, I have things to do to prepare for Sunday - house cleaning, gardening .....

Love and Light to you.

Thank you, Marianne. All the thousand and one things associated with selling my home is wearing me out. But I'll soldier on with it.

Love to you and yours.

This is mournful and beautiful.

Janna, thank you sincerely for your comment.

Beautiful just beautiful there aren't enough words to say how good this is. I enjoy reading your work.

Diane, my generous friend, thank you for the huge compliment.