Finally I Cried

I considered myself to be pretty lucky back in 1997. I was 37 years old and both of my Parents and all four of my Grandparents were still living. Not very many people who are 37 years old could say the same. However things were about to change.

Just as I was feeling so lucky, I received the unfortunate news that my Maternal Grandmother had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and she was only expected to live for six months even with chemo and radiation treatments. She only lived for three months.

When my Mother called me with the news, I actually didn't know how to react. This was the first time that I had experienced the death of a family member, and I was in a case of total shock. I knew that someday my loved ones would pass away, however I wasn't prepared to deal with it.

As I walked into the funeral home, I had no clue  as to how I would react when I saw my Grandmother in her casket. When I saw there in her casket, I wanted to cry. However considering the fact that my Mother as well as my Brother had a history of being emotionally unstable, I made up my mind not to cry. I thought that if I were to cry,  my Mother as well as my Brother would go off the deep end. So for the sake of them, I didn't cry.

Then in 1998. my Maternal Grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer, and he passed away a few months later. Again, I made my mind up not to cry. Again, I made a personal sacrifice inorder to keep my Mother and Brother from going off the deep end.

During the fall of 1999, I received even more bad news. My Paternal Grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, and he passed away shortly after. Here again, no crying from me. I felt that I had to hold it together just one more time to keep my Mother and my Brother stable.

In the fall of 2000, my Mother was diagnosed with brain cancer as well as lung cancer, and she only lived for a week after. During the funeral, I had to keep myself together. I felt that if I actually cried, my Brother would lose it. I had to make a personal sacrifice to keep him stable.

Then in 2002 , I received a phone call from my Stepmother with even more bad news...my  only Borther was killed in an auto accident. This was different. All of us knew that the above named Family members would eventually pass away, however none of us would have ever expected the sudden death of my Brother.

After I received the phone call from my Stepmother, I just sat back in my recliner trying to absorb all of this. Once I got my act together, I headed home

This time when I saw my only Brother in his casket, I broke loose and cried my eyes out. Then my Father and my Stepmother hugged me and they cried right along with me.

At this point, the only immediate Family members who I had left were my Father and my Paternal Grandmother. However during September of 2005, my Paternal Grandmother passed away from natural causes at the age of 92. When I saw her in her casket, I let loose and cried, and again my Father and my Stepmother joined in with a great big hug.

Finally I Cried

Today just happens to be my Father's 70'th birthday, and tomorrow is Mother's Day. Thank goodness that I still have them as a very important part of my life.