Settle something for us...

I think in this situation, since you had the Memorial service already, anything beyond that would be optional. Sure, another dinner, etc would be nice, but not expected.

My wife went through a similar situation recently with her grandfather. The family had a big get-together for the memorial service, but the actual burial was the small family affair with whoever could attend rather than expect everyone to trek from all over again.

This is a really intriguing question. I'm afraid I can't be of much help to you since I've never had any family to speak of to consider for this sort of thing, but I would think if there is a really LARGE expense involved, I would suggest to the family that perhaps things could be a bit more "informal". Since spring is here, perhaps you could suggest people bring flowers or cuttings from their gardens as a small gift or perhaps donate to a community garden or arboretum. Those who lost her... her close family probably don't feel like she's really "gone" yet... and need the family ritual for closure. Perhaps they dont' feel they can bury her without it and still feel things were done "properly". It must be really difficult to have to hold off for so long to feel a true sense of closure when there's death in the family in the winter and the process is dragged out for so long.

If you aren't in a position to do what you did before, let them know what you can do and perhaps other relatives, close friends or church members can take up the slack.

This does seem like over doing it, but what a great chance to celebrate someone's life twice!

I would assume, like you, that the second was something for the direct family, but maybe the people need to do it again????

I am sorry that you lost your aunt:(

I am confused, where is it too cold to have a burial? Here in Indiana it gets mighty cold in the winter yet they still have bobcats, bulldozers, what not to dig a grave and we have the burials in a matter of days. I wish i could help in this matter, but I am still astounded by this whole concept. I do tend to agree with you though on it should be a small family affair as the rememberence service has already been done with the dinners and such. I don't think I would be able to or even want to go through all of the sorrow again. Best wishes to you and your family.

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. That has to be so very hard, to even be "thinking" of going through this whole thing, not once - but twice in the first place. At least it would be for me....
I don't think we do that here in Connecticut - (just asked my husband also) - we've never heard of not being able to bury someone. But apparently since there are some places that don't bury in the winter - it seems like a lot for all of you to go through - like going through the funeral twice, both emotionally and expense-wise and I bet your Aunt would understand if you didn't do it a second time.
You've already done it all - as you say, spared no expense, so why do it again? Just my thoughts - small-quiet-ceremony, no heavy expenses. And a little peace for those who come. Good luck and God Bless..

Hi - I am very sorry for your loss - though here in Connecticut we do burials winter or summer, as Paula said above. But since you can't - I don't see the need for the expense and emotional trials of a whole new funeral - people did their grieving (publicly) already. A small family get together for those who can come, would be nice, but it will end up being up to all of you. Good luck and God Bless...

Some families like to do things big; others prefer small. Since you've already done your share, it wouldn't be wrong if you didn't go all out this time. Now, it's up to the immediate family to take over the duties. If you attend, instead of an expensive arrangement, a small bouquet of seasonal flowers from your own garden or nice field flowers in a vase would be appropriate. For the dinner, bring a small dish to pass. My father's family would love for this to happen. It would give them an excuse to get together and party twice. Since she was your aunt, the wishes of her immediate family are the ones to be honored, though I feel an all-out repeat funeral is a bit too much.

We get nights here in the winter of 30-50 below...as you can imagine, the ground freezes extremely hard...we also had about 5.5 feet of snow at the time of her death....even if it could have bee dug, it would not have been very feasible to go to the graveside....Spring burials are very common here and it is tough because closure is often months away....

Thanks to all for the wishes...very kind of you !

Sorry to hear of the loss of your aunt. This is all very interesting. I liked the idea of bringing fresh flowers.

I'm in Illinois and I've never known them to "put off" a burial here for the cold either. I can't imagine expecting people to send flowers twice, bring food again, etc. I would think the graveside service would just be for family and maybe they would have a meal together after.

you do what you want to.. nevermind what you are 'supposed to'.

Let me add my condolences to those who went before me.

Dr. Curmudgeon took the words out of my mouth (at least some of them-I'm much more verbose). I think the problem is in the word "expected." Each person experiences grief in their own way. If those who are left behind by the deceased and who are making the decisions decide everyone should stand on their head for a moment of silence, I think those who care about them would try to do so. It's about being there for each other and loving one another, trying to make the transition easier. We have a lot of different beliefs in my family and everyone wants something different. I've gone ahead and made my funeral arrangements and specified what I want. That way, there isn't family who is worrying about what is expected or what I would have wanted. It's all taken care of. Every time I get the chance I get on my soapbox and urge others to do the same. Grief is hard enough without conflict and/or uncertainty.

I have never heard of anything like this. It just seems weird to me to have a second ceremony at all.