i will delete this writing later.
i am just talking out loud here. i am scared. i can't hide it. and i wanted to reach out to see if anyone else out there has had this experience.
i see my regular doctor on monday for a check up but i will have to tell him of these symptoms i have been having and i don't want to. don't worry...i will.
it is all too crazy.
i never get sick. i hate doctors. i hate hospitals. i hate tests. i hate anything to do with any of that. so...i don't go to see doctors very much. at all. i have never had my cholesterol checked or any of that...i seldom get a physical.
anyway...i have been having symptoms since fall but...i have been waiting. i don't want to go in there acting like a fool. i want to be reasonable and logical. but my god i feel like i am going out of my mind. actually that would be an okay scenario. tell me this is all in my head and send me home. wonderful!
but i have this gut feeling that i do know what this is.
about ten years ago i had a scare. i lost my eyesight in one eye...it was a freaky thing...blurred vision and then a blind spot. it was as though someone had dimmed the lights on me. went to the docs and they were alarmed...said one possibility was a brain tumor and other equally horrible things. i remember going home traumatized. it thought i was going to die or something. then the MRI was done and the neurologist said that i had an inflammation of the optical chord...nothing to worry about. this elderly doctor reassured me that i had a beautiful brain...nothing wrong. gave me some meds and...the eye thing went away...my vision returned...good as new.
on subsequent trips to see doctors...i would mention this episode as part of my medical history. but quite frankly...the first doc to see me years later after that MRI...was such an alarmist...telling me that the eye thing was a precursor to having MS. i didn't want to hear it so i chose to ignore what was said. i never told another doctor about it.
then this fall...
crazy things. being off balance...so much so that i fall over. my gait..sometimes like a drunken sailor. i have tried to explain it away...maybe just tired muscles...something with my inner ear...i go through the possibilities. then it happened again. i tested it. i tried that sobriety test they do for drunk drivers...heel to toe walking...i fall down...i can't do it. standing with my eyes closed...feet together...i fall down.
a numb feeling in my right foot...tingles up my leg as though it were going to sleep.
contractions...a tightening in my right leg....catches me by surprise...making me gasp...a feeling like my leg is about to crumple.
fatigued like...the oxygen has been drained from my muscles. a brain fogginess that i have never felt before...like...i am in another realm. i cannot hold onto conversations. i hear someone talking and i know that there was more to the conversation right before it...but i have forgotten it....what are they talking about?
my left eye flashing with light...and a dark floater in the center of my vision.
could my mind be playing with me? it all seems centered upon one leg and one eye.
i just wanted to talk about it and then put it away. all so surreal...and i am scared.
this is why i am having a hard time writing anything lately...my mind is elsewhere.
i hope you all are doing well and i am sorry for being so neglectful. i will visit you all soon to read your wonderful writings.
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Comments: 29
I pray that all is well with you.
i am ready to know what this is.
(I have most of a family that deal with it) Some of the things you mention do sound related to blood sugar, but the symptoms you describe would be a result of a low blood sugar, not a high one that would come after eating.
At any rate, if you think that might be a concern ask for a Hemoglobin A1c to be run. It's the best test for determining where you're at.
Whatever is rattling your body and causing concern I hope that you will find answers very soon. Will pray for bravery and wisdom in your health care providers.
I'd hardly call you negligent of Gather, but I DO say it made me very happy to see your face here.
All the best.
It's scary when your body doesn't act familiar. Bless you.
i do love my sweets...i sure hope this is all nothing.
My very best wishes for a speedy return to your usual ...
Gibbs
Find ways to reduce your stress ie. getting a babysitter and getting out for fun once in awhile.
You do want to explore and find out what is wrong. It could be something as simple as an infection or an electrolyte imbalance. Sometimes when you get a urinary or blood infection it can cause other symptoms. i hope you feel better soon.
Robert H.
As for my story, I had optic neuritis in high school, and again 10 years later which is when (after an MRI) I was finally diagnosed. The two times I had that condition I got intense headaches behind my left eye, and my vision blurred and was hazy. To the point where I could not drive or do my job as I use a computer at work. I had on and off episodes of numbness in my 20's but chalked it up to bumping my funny bone, etc. I've always been a klutz! Anyway, while it was scary to be told I had MS, it was comforting to know that there are now treatments! Nothing existed several years ago... you just had to treat the symptoms. Now there are medications proven to slow the progression.
Again I don't post this to scare you. Your symptoms could be a number of things and only a doctor should tell you what is happening to you. But my mother and I have wonderful, fulfilling lives and I'm sure you will too (regardless of what the doctor says)!
diane...i am very glad that you found me. i had been told so many times that the ocular neuritis was a sign for MS but i have had nothing for about ten years now. i just have this gut feeling that...this may be what it is. i definitely wish to connect with you.
It could be any number of things. When I had my skull fracture in 1993, I had demyelionation, blurring vision, lots of neurasthenias, parasthenias (nerve tingling), loss of balance, and the question of MS came up.
Call your chapter of the National MS Society. They can send you some publications, though that may make you feel worse.
Get some rest, you are under a lot of stress.
What ever it is, once you know, you will be able to deal with it better.
Good luck, Synch.
Also, it is natural for particles in the eye to eventually die. They happen to float within your visual field and are quite a nuisance. There is a surgery that can correct this.
Bananas help with muscle spasms. They also make mosquitos want to eat you more if you're outside and you've eaten one... but now you know that and can stay away from them.
I know it's a scary proposition, that you may have MS... and MS is a terrible disease, I'm not trying to make it sound like it's not... I just want to let you know there are other reasons you can have those symptoms, and there are ways to treat them.
I hope it turns out for the best.
Best wishes. You're in my thoughts.
My biggest complaint is the "fog" you mentioned. I had a 4.0 GPA in college and I know I am very intelligent, but sometimes I just feel like such a moron because it's as if my brain and tongue are at war with each other. Some days it's my brain and my fingers. I recently read something which talked about the cognitive deficits which accompany MS and I said "YES!!!" That is it, exactly. I can read with complete comprehension, never having to question what I'm reading, so the information is in my brain... but when I go to use words myself, they just scramble themselves in my brain. Sometimes I open my mouth to say something and something totally different and unrelated just sort of pops out. That happens with writing, too, so it is far more difficult for me to write now.
But there is hope... and knowing there is a disease behind it and you aren't just weak or getting stupid or older (before my diagnosis I actually had sort of resigned myself to thinking "So this is what it feels like to get old." I was 47!) But there is just so much being done for us these days... please take heart. You will be all right. Find a good neurologist and ask every question you can think of. Write down the answers if you can, or record them.
When I shared my news with friends and family, I had two remarkable stories come back to me. One aunt told me that a cousin of mine had recently been diagnosed, at the age of 65. She had it and they only found it while looking at an MRI which she had done due to an injury. And a friend told me he had an aunt who was diagnosed with it 30+ years ago. She is now 96, and still lives alone and independently. The majority of 96 year-olds withOUT MS can't do that...
Cling to the positives. Make sure you realize that you are really lucky to be diagnosed. Especially now, when there are so many treatment options and a cure on the horizon. (I believe that with all my heart.)