My Chat with Uncle Ben

I’ve been wasting a lot of time over at the Uncle Ben’s website. It’s setup like a virtual office, somewhat like J.K. Rowling’s website except replace all the references to wizards and magic with references to rice. Considering it’s a website about rice, it’s pretty well done. Minute Rice’s page pales in comparison.

If you click on the monitor on Ben’s desk, you’ll get to have an online chat session with the man himself, Uncle Ben. Below is a transcript of my recent chat session with Ben:

[Me]: Hey Ben, what’s up?

[Ben]: Meeting with whole grain manufacturers. Happy to report they take health and nutrition as seriously as I do.

[Me]: Well, whole grains are important.

[Ben]: Meeting with whole grain manufacturers. Happy to report they take health and nutrition as seriously as I do.

[Me]: Okay, that’s good to hear. Worth repeating I suppose.

[Ben]: Away accepting another award for my rice. Nice that people still recognize the value of wholesome goodness when they taste it.

[Me]: Good for you Ben

[Ben]: Can you come by the office in person?

[Me]: Sure

[Ben]: Did you have my ORIGINAL CONVERTED® Brand Rice for dinner?

[Me]: Not today. Sorry.

[Ben]: Away accepting another award for my rice. Nice that people still recognize the value of wholesome goodness when they taste it.

[Me]: Ben, you’re repeating yourself. You said that already.

[Ben]: Are you at work or at home?

[Me]: I’m at work.

[Ben]: Currently being fitted for a new blue suit. Upon returning and hanging up my new coat, will be in touch.

[Me]: I thought you were accepting an award for your rice?

[Ben]: Can’t talk now. In Washington, D.C. You know how those politicians like to talk and talk.

[Me]: Yes, those D.C. types do like to yammer on and on.

[Ben]: Am attending the Beau Brummell Celebration in London. Will be my pleasure to chat upon my return.

[Me]: You just said you were in Washington! How the hell are you in Washington and London at the same time?!?

[Ben]: Currently being fitted for a new blue suit. Upon returning and hanging up my new coat, will be in touch.

[Me]: And the blue suit. So I’m to believe that “Uncle Ben” is in Washington, London, and getting fitted for a suit at the same time? Dude you lie worse than that guy in the chatroom who said he was a girl.

[Ben]: Are you at work or at home?

[Me]: I’m at work. We already covered this Ben.

[Ben]: Can’t talk now. In Washington, D.C. You know how those politicians like to talk and talk.

[Me]: Sigh. Uncle Ben, are you trying to impress me by flaunting your busy hob-nobbing schedule?

[Ben]: Are you at work or at home?

[Me]: ….

[Ben]: Away accepting another award for my rice. Nice that people still recognize the value of wholesome goodness when they taste it.

[Me]: Whatever Ben, you used to be someone I admired. Now you're just a corporate shill. You’ve changed Ben.

[Ben]: Currently being fitted for a new blue suit. Upon returning and hanging up my new coat, will be in touch.

[Me]: Whatever. Goodbye Ben.

[Ben]: Did you have my ORIGINAL CONVERTED® Brand Rice for dinner?

Poor Ben, he’s lost in the corporate maze.