Practically Speaking: Money Talks (Part 1)

For too few lucky couples, talking about money is easy.  For the rest of the folks, it's akin to stepping on a red ant hill - it hurts, really hurts, and it hurts for a while.  I have a few tips for keeping the burning at bay.

The first is to remember that you are a team. My husband has been calling us "Team M" since the day we married and it has saved us many an argument when he says, "we both want something different, but what's the best choice for Team M?" It somehow makes it easier to make the right choice when you are making it for someone/something else.  You know, like when you can give your best friend the advice you can't take yourself.

Then, each party should physically write down the financial goals you have for the team.  Include both short and long-term goals.  For example, "be debt free, save for junior's college, go on a summer vacation, stop asking permission to make personal purchases, etc."  Do this privately, without input from your other half.  Take a few days to really think it through.

Third, write down the goals you have for yourself personally, as well.  Before you bring this one to the table, though, take a realistic review.  Does it have any basis in reality?  This is not the time to add in two summer homes and a yacht.  Items like "get my master's degree, work for myself, indulge in a few massages, etc." are more on target.  It's important to share personal goals as well as team goals because they both impact the bottom line.  And, who knows, you just might find that you both share some similar dreams and can help each other achieve them.  In racing, two cars go faster than one when they run especially tight with each other.  This is called drafting and it can work for you at home as well if you give it a chance.

Fourth, put these lists away and take just one week and write down every penny you spend.  Take a piece of paper and a pen and stick it in your pocket, pocketbook, or knapsack, whatever is with you all day.  Then take them out every time you spend money.  Yes, for a pack of gum.  Yes, for a latte.  Yes, for a newspaper.  Yes, yes, yes.

Finally, take those goals back out and take a peek at them against what you are really spending.  Does this change your goals at all?  At the very least this should make you think about where your money is going on a daily basis and how that measures against your long-term objectives.

Now, try, TRY, try to remember that this is a negotiation.  Just because one member of this team might bring in all the money or manage the money or have the MBA doesn't mean that person gets anymore say in the plan than the other.  You are about to create a plan for the team.  Each party's opinion weighs equally.  Now, that's the hard part.  If you both get a 50/50 vote, how do you get through the parts where you disagree?

Look for an article next week on sitting down to the negotiation table to get this plan rolling.

Heather Montanaro: Money Correspondent:

Heather's column, Practically Speaking, published 3 times a month to Gather Essentials: Money presents practical advice for everyday living and provides insight on how to pair lifestyle choices with financial realities.

Heather Montanaro holds an Executive MBA from Northeastern University and has held senior positions with local technology and service companies.  Now she enjoys staying at home with her 2 young children.  She's made the adjustment from 2 to 1 incomes and enjoys helping others reach their personal goals as a Budget Coach.

You can find all of Heather's Practically Speaking columns at tag: budget coach

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