I've been sitting here thinking of a tribute I could do for mother's day. Unfortunately my own mother passed away many years ago. She was a great lady, who did what she could to help me out at many times. She suffered for many years with severe and chronic pain. As a child it was something I wasn't aware of or really understood, but as I got older it was something I hated to see. I felt so bad for her, and worried about the things she went through and had to do. She was always there for me, and I for her when I got older, and we spent a lot of time going places and doing things together. Once I became a mother, and had my own children, it was something that helped me bond with her on an even greater level. She passed away about 10 years ago, and I've missed her very much since.
In the meantime, when I was in my early teens I was struggling with depression, and going through a really hard time dealing with all the moves my parents had made, the numerous schools I'd had to attend and the friends that I always had to leave behind. At the time I felt like no one really cared about me, and just didn't feel that there was anything to live for. I was really struggling with just about everything in my life, and just couldn't deal with anything in my life...or so I thought at the time. I hated myself and I hated school, so I made plans to end my life, and I didnt' tell anyone what I was going to do.
Well at the time I believe God brought a very special angel of His into my life. My friends mother was always there for me, and would take the time to sit with me, and talk to me, and try to understand me. Even though she had three kids of her own, her home was always open to the neighbourhood of kids, and she was always there with an extra hug, and encouraging word, or a helping hand. Even though this family struggled to make ends meet at times, they still encouraged the youth to come around, and even took us on many trips to the Dairy Queen or someplace else for a treat. They started taking me to youth group along with their own children. and they started taking me to church, and made sure I had a ride every week when I wanted to go because my parents didn't go to church.
This very special angel saw through my depression and my pain, and was always trying to get me to share or to realize how special I was. For some reason, the day before I was planning to end my life she started sharing more of her love for God, and how He really loved me, and how she also loved me. She also talked to me about some other things, but she never stopped telling me how much God cared or how much she also loved me. She made me realize that it was a sin to commit suicide, and also to realize that I was worthy of God's love, and worthy of other's love. She not only told me, but she showed me how precious I was through all the many things she said and did. She got through to me at a time when I believe no one else could have.
I'm not saying that my life changed overnight, but it did that day at least to the point where I decided not to follow through with my plans that I had to end my life. Over the next few years I made a lot of stupid mistakes and did some things that I'm not really proud of. I still had a lot of learning and growing up to do, and it was only because of this very special lady that I was able to do so. It was her patience, and love and willingness to forgive and to be there for me for so many years that helped me to grow and find a very special love in my life.
It was this very special angel that shared her greatest love in life with me...and that was the love of a heavenly Father who had given His only begotten son to die on the cross for my sins.
It was this very special lady who was there for me during some difficult times in my life, and who despite having her own children and grandchildren, took the time to keep in touch with me and to include my children in her thoughts as she went out and bought Christmas and birthday gifts, and allowed me to be a part of her family. It was this special lady who accepted me for who I was, and helped me through some very difficult times, even if it was by talking to me or writing me a letter. Sometimes I found it hard to share my feelings on a personal level or to even talk to anyone, so I learned that if I really needed to, I could write her a letter, and she would always respond to me and be both honest and loving in whatever she said. Of course, I didn't always follow her advice, because I allowed other things influence me and change my thoughts, and I now realize that she had only the best thoughts and intentions for and towards me.
I have not been very good at sharing my life with her, or very many others for quite some time, and I've found my life a constant struggle of dealing with the chronic pain and illness that I've had, along with the many changing circumstances and problems in my life. It is not her, but me who seemingly withdrew from the relationship...and I know it's not practical or easy to carry on a two way friendship when one doesn't participate.
I've had several people who I've become close to, only to have them die or get sick and leave, and again I found myself pulling away especially from a few older friends, because I knew how hard it was in going to lose them, and because I got caught up in my own life and a father who is getting more and more dependent upon me as he grows older, and goes blind.
No matter what the reason, it is at times like Mother's Day that I remember this special lady...a very special angel, and gift from God. She has always held a very special place in my heart and always will, and I will be eternally grateful to her for the example she has always set for me, for her acceptance and love, and for the very special person that she is. She has been a true blessing in my life.
Thank you Betty W. and Happy Mother's Day to a very special and wonderful angel that God brought into my life. I love you very much.