Another Story about the Frog Who Had Everything but was lonely in Spring

Once upon a time, in Old Bohemia,

there was a Frog Who Had Everything.

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That is--

He Had Everything But a Car,

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 in flashy red

 and dreamt to see the world in a Ferrarri,

but his friends advised him wisely on that matter.

He had a  small house

in the  country

 for intimate  garden parties with his friends.

He had a  little retreat in rural Bohemia where he could escape from them all incognito and where he could still feel like he was King of His  Castle.

And he had just about everything Any Frog Would Want, but Spring awakes the restlesness in all young frogs' blood.

And He was Very Sad 

(Story about a Frog Who Was Sad)

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 He watched the trees come in bloom and he sighed a melancholy poetic  sigh because the  blossoms of the trees were ever so sweet and nostalgic.

When he rode  through the deserted orchards

about his estate on his majestic white horse,

he stopped at the caretakers house

on Old Coot's Pond to shoot pheasant.

He saw that the  Old Coot was as crazy as credited

and had shacked up with the Equally Mad Moorhen who was an illegitimate cousin.

And while he was there, he saw that the sheep had had twins which were wobbly on  legs,

  Mirucek

so he named them Mirucek in accordance to family tradition

and Zabycek,

just so that he had progeny named after him

  Zabycek

in case something should happen.

And when that was finished, he looked about and saw that the duck was sitting on the bank

happily sunning with her new little chicks

  and suddenly the Frog Who Had Everything Felt Very Lonely

  and that Spring which was Bursting With Life

had tricked him with Nothing.

He went to the beautiful Wishing Tree, but nothing happened;

so he went off to Baba Yaga's Hut to discuss the matter with the Old Witch

for he was suddenly very unhappy and full of yearning for children.

"Well, what can I do for you?" sked Baba Yaga  when he appeared in her doorway. "You  have only three wishes, you know. This place runs on principles laid down through tradition."

"I know," answered the Frog glumly. "It's spring and the  bees

  are very busy in the fields

and the butterflies are dancing mazurkas and  polonaises to Chopin's  compositions. And if that were not enough, the world is filled with light and apple blossoms."

"Oh, you are such a moody one," replied Baba Yaga, "So hurry up and tell me what it is you want. You know the plot."

"Oh, said Frog, "In that case, I'll come to the point directly. The sheep has had twins and the duck has got her chicks, but I haven't got anything..."

He hopped from one  foot to the other because it was uncompmfortable to stand still.

"And Vladka has abandoned me..." 

"She's nowhere to be found and she no longer sings lovely songs for me when I open up my windows," for the Frog was used to hearing Vladka sing popular Dvorak opera  arias  underneath his window during sultry summer nights. 

"In that case," said the Old Witch, "you must promise me your firstborn..."

"Oh, I know all about that," interruipted the Frog, "but tell me how can I promise you my firstborn son, if the Stork

or Dragonfly make off with them?"

He said this craftily for he was a very foxy Frog and very clever indeed.

"Tut-tut,"  muttered the Old Witch, who had not foreseen this  and sw that she was out-foxed by a clever frog. "In that case, we shall make a  different contract, for my case is much more dire than yours.  Nobody comes to see me anymore unless they want to  make three wishes. Since the demise of Rusalka, my reputation has been tarnished."

 "Hmm," said the Frog, "Name your terms then, for I am very lonely and wish to have some children  before I am  too far gone in life."

"Oh well, in that case," said Baba Yaga, "I'll make the conditions so much easier for you, for all I want in life is to be loved and kissed."

"Ugh," said the Frog, for he was of choleric temperament.  "I  don't think that love is possible, but kisses come with rubber lips."

"Well, in that case," Baba Yaga replied, "you know, it's not necessary  for you to love me.  I'll be happy for the kiss." And she stretched out her long turkey neck with the pinfeathers sticking out of her chin and her bony nose whacked the poor Frog in his goggly eyes.

"Smack,"   went the Frog as he dealt her a goodly blow with his  pocket-hockey-stick on the side of her head.

"WoW!"  exclaimed Baba Yaga reeling from the blow, "Dear Frog, you have powerful lips and such a hot kiss!"

 So the Frog stood back and surveyed the scene he had created and wondered what next would happen.

"Well," said Baba Yaga, still recovering, "You know it's not like in the books after all. It only happens in Fairytales."

"What?"  said the Frog suspiciously because he was sure that the scam was up. He blinked about and waited for the desired result.

"Well, dear Froggi," said Baba Yaga,  "Kissing  an Old Witch does not  transform you into a  Prince after all."

"You mean, you lied the entire time," growled the Frog who was puffing himself up to look dangerous.  "I've got an axe to grind if you don't mind...." 

"Oh no,"  the Old Witch retorted hastily, " really, for  giving me such a Smackeroo, you're not a  prince at all, but King beneath that green skin of yours."

"Never mind that," said the Frog, "we all know that's only children's stories, but what about my kids?"

"Oh that," said the Old Witch, "never mind, I'll send your wishes wrapped and packaged in the First Class Priority Mail in three weeks.  Don't worry about that at all."

 But the Frog never moved, because he was of the suspicious, choleric type who hate the angry buzzing of flies and wanted to see the results of his demands immediately.

"Is that all?" asked Baba Yaga, still rubbing  her chin. "You've nothing more to ask for?"

"Oh, no,"said the Frog, eyeing her suspiciously, "but where are they?"

"Oh go home," said Baba Yaga. "They'll come in the mail. Be off with you before I decide to test that rascal Shakespeare's recipe. You know the one, "eye of newt, wing of bat..."

And so the Frog hopped off  for in fact, despite that he was of choleric temperament, there's not much you can do about an Independent Agent and  Some Things in Life Never Change.

 And days passed and the sheep got bigger and fatter and still no box arrived with Priority stamped across the top.

And the cherry blossoms blew away

and the apples bloomed

and the daisies grew in the fields,

but still no box.

But one day when he was least expecting it because he had a Very Important Engagement in Moravia that detained him Overnight,  

the Postal Authorities  called and explained that they had an assignment  for him ASAP  from the Old Witch Baba Yaga who lived  along the Berounka near Srbsko.

 And the  Frog was very excited indeed.

And so the box was delivered

and in it, he found lots of little children.

Just the right kind of kids for a Frog:

Frogbabies.

and more Frogbabies

 And so he was a

very happy fat frog after all.

Story about a Frog Who Was Sad
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