If every day is a new page....

.. then I really need a new notebook because I have the same thing written over and over.

What I mean by that is simple, I keep doing the same daily stuff every day and somehow I expect different results.  I am so tired of being able to clearly see what I need to change in my life as I lay awake in bed late at night, unable to sleep, just going over in my head what doesn't work and vowing that in the morning, by the light of day, it will be different.

I am a stay at home Mom and have been for the better part of ten years.  I have had a few jobs tossed in there but nothing significant.  I have raised and am still raising four young ones from thirteen years down to five years old. 

I have been to the depths of depression and I have had many good times too.  I am sick of being the housewife though.  I have not been good at upkeep in the home.  I look around some days and just think it's easier to sink into the world of the internet because I am too overwhelmed in my daily life, in the real world.

I lay in bed at night and vow that tomorrow I will not smoke a cigarette unless I have done an hour of housekeeping.  I want to quit altogether but I would be content just cutting down.  I then find by the end of the next day that I have smoked my usual pack and a half too easily and nothing is done around the house.

I am moving in 39 days to a new house and I'm going to throw out this boring notebook of my daily life.  I am taking steps to prepare a new daily itinerary.  I refuse to allow myself to think that it will be the same as here.  I'm drowning in clutter and laundry and have no routines in place.  It is time to make a change, for real this time.

My life will truly be a new page from the day I move.  I am aware that you take yourself with you no matter where you go and I will not disillusion myself that it won't be a quick fix.  It will take hard work.

I am also happy to report that I will also be at a good place to finally get a job.  My youngest child will finally be going to all day Kindergarden in the fall and a full time job outside the home may be just the pick me up I need.

So, Goodbye, boring life, hello new plan.