Estranged by Family

A parents love is unconditional. It's true they may not approve of what you do or how you do it but they always love you. You need to go on and live out your dreams and life goals. You need to live your life. Your parents will always truly love you, just might have a hard time showing it sometimes. Go out and make them proud of you. Live your life.

Thanks for your comforting advice

The separation from ones parents is one of the most difficult things that we all do.

Job security is not an easy thing to accomplish and will take some time even to find if where one winds up even has a career path, or is just a dead end.

I would also suggest that one not attempt to substitute employment for fun, as employment is where one gets money and other places are where one has fun.

We all start out on this trip in life with different thoughts and different support from our families. Therefore, you're not alone. I wish you the best tho.

If you are ever to have a life of your own you have to take that first big leap. You will never be able to experience your dreams or learn how to be an adult with these kinds of restraints holding you back. Cut the ties and follow your dreams, your parents will wake up one day.

Thanks so much for your helpful advice

I agree; you are old enough to make your own decisions. Follow your dreams and make your own life. Hopefully, some day your parents will come around and realize what a good job you are doing.

They are most likely just concerned about your welfare and don't want you to be hurt. However, you need to decide what is best FOR YOU!!

Thanks!

Dear Sigriet,
I believe that your life is your own. Your parents have no right to try to determine how you live it. I am mother to a 19 year old girl, so I know what I'm talking about. Go do what is right for you; and whatever happens stand straight! If your parents are worth anything, they will support you in following your own chosen path.

Thanks, I will try to build a connection of friends. I onyl have one best friend and unfortunatelyt he is my boyfriend also, but one of the things I look forward to when moving is meeting new people and establishing new friendships. Thanks again, your advice has truly helped me. I have had a very difficult time, but I'm workign up the strength to deal with it

Oh, my gosh. If you are 21 and you have been living under that kind of tyranny your whole life then you MUST set yourself free or they will succeed in making you into an emotional invalid. You can still save yourself. Do it. Don't worry, you won't lose them. If they are that possesive of you then they are very dependent on you and they will not deprive themselves of someone they need so much, although their need is an entirely selfish one. I am ROOTING for you!! GO AND SAVE YOURSELF before they destroy you.

My experience has been very similar Sigriet - I have since created a "chosen" family of supportive, loving and unconditional friends.
Stay strong, it is difficult, but there must be a reason you, as I, have to experience this challenge...

If you ever have children of your own, you will understand your parents better. They love you but do not like the choices that you have made. They just want the best for you. In their quest of wanting the best for you, they may have forgotten that you are an adult. It is hard for a parent to let go of their baby and let them make their own choices. Just try to love them and they will eventually support you as an adult. Good luck

You have to make the decision which you think will be the best for you in the future.

All I can offer is my best. I am in a somewhat similiar sitution. However, I ended up moving out at 16 because of a nutty stepmom. For a few years in my life I only had my now hubby. My parent's weren't around. You need to do what's best for you. Like you said you are an adult. Goodluck.

Sigriet, I waited until I was in my 30s to leave home because of the guilt that you mentioned in article. My parents are the king and queen of guilt! I was in very much the same situation -- they were very strict when I was growing up, I couldn't really bring anyone over without one of them being part of the group and oh my God, my mother would actually threaten suicide if I got my own apartment. One day I had found a place and came home and announced I was moving out --- she ran out of the house to the train station saying she was going to throw herself in front of a train! As for my father he always says "we are getting old....and we need someone to take control of the house and the bills....we always thought...... and it goes on from there!

When I finally escaped my mother made herself sick by stopping her medications and forcing me to have to come home often for her medical emergencies.... my father would call to say I must come home right away because he didn't think she was going to make it. Finally, our longtime family doctor pulled me aside and told me the truth, he told me point blank that they were very smart people and that I was being manipulated.....he told me my mother's condition was definitely a result of her stopping her medication.! Well, the next time this happened I didn't run home, I waited (on pins and needles, but I waited), after a few days in the hospital where they put her back on her meds she did another miraculous recovery.

I say to you sit your parents down like the adult that you are explain first that you love and respect them, but just like they had the chance to have a life, develop a relationship and grow, you just want that chance and you will always be there for them --- don't wait until your 30 like I did your young experience life (don't go crazy), make your mistakes, learn and grow and love your parents and speak to them often. Since I moved out my life is so different and I finally feel like an adult.

Child (forgive me but I might be even older than your parents). Your parents definitely love you, but you should not give in. Southerns, hispanish and so, all over the earth have these antiquate ways of thinking, that is explained of their not being enough careful if they want to survive. Understandable but things change, society changes, and you have your chances to take in your hands. It is bad not to allow a young person to go out, to have friends while is still at home, because then he or she behaves like a blind fly when is at first on her own. I know that from my own experience. But my parents supported me to go away and study in order to get a good job, become indipendant.
What I advise you is, althoug you are in a loving relationship, try not to depend too much on it, if you can. Try to have your chances to get a degree, to get a job, to be able to make a living and be able to have a life that you will not feel sorry for it. Even if the relationship will end, even if you have to be on your own for a while, get the means to be able to make it. You are young you have strength and many years in front of you to do what you like. Take care what you do is creative and saves you from humiliations. Learn in order to get a better job. Expalin your purposes to your parents and if they see that you are not on the rail of a temporary enjoyment that will let you down later on, they will accept little by little your decisions and your doing. Be first self sure about your perspectives and then you will convince the others. Good Luck!

Maybe they will come around. If they don't, they are hurting themselves. It may just be that they are trying to wait until their guilt trip gets you to the point that you finally give in. They made the choices that they wanted. Now it's your turn. Congratulations on your independence.

Thanks again for all the wonderful advice

I live in Miami and have many hispanic friends so your parents attitude doesn't surprise me...You have to remember they love you but you must lead your own life, they will come around eventually....go have a life and be happy...

thanks

Adult children need to move out and live on their own. Your parents should expect you to move out. They may not agree with your choices and might feel you will be hurt down the road. They may even be right. Again they could be wrong. But you have to leave and learn to stand on your own feet sometime or you will never grow or know the person you really are. Even if you get hurt it shapes your character and personality and you learn from it. They are being over protective and smothering. I have four grown children. They come back to visit some have moved back. But we don't insist to know who they are with or where they are when they leave or when even they return. Usually they tell us anyway but if they don't that is fine. Tell your parents you love them and respect their ethics but you have to grow up and they need to let you. They cannot protect you forever. My oldest son is choosing to be estranged from me because he felt we were not supportive of him and his wife in a terrible family situation. We were but not the way they felt we should be and we did not and do not agree with their belief in the situation and we have very very good and concrete positive proof and reasons why. They refuse to sit and discuss or talk to us or try and work things out with us or the rest of the family it has tore our whole family apart and we were close up until the tragedy that tore it apart on lies from outsiders to start with.

thanks so much for the advice!

you know what know that they love you, but dont want you to leave, and worry about you. but if you are old enough to make your own decisions then you go for it ok. they will either come around or they wont ok. but congratulations on your decision, dont quit ok its hard, but im 43 i grad college, so i know you can to ok

Culturally, they don't understand the way that you want to live and are scared for you. Once they accept you as you are, you will find that they will either come around and develop a grown-up relationship with you and your boyfriend or it will be what it is, but life goes on and you will live with regret forever if you don't do what you want to.

Hope things are going better for you by now.

thanks

Sigriet...

Advice - but you won't like it.

First, your parents...I'm betting they are Catholic? Any idea just how horrific your shacking up with the honey is to them???

I think they're reactions are a bit over the top, yes.

Here's a way to, maybe, make everyone happy. Move to wherever it is you are going for your education, but GET YOUR OWN PLACE. Do NOT shack up with the boyfriend, but stand your ground on the education and independence.

Good luck.

thanks for the advice

Thanks for sharing