I've been meaning to write this for a long time now, ever since Mitch Albom started hyping this contest of Times My Mom Stood Up for Me. I just couldn't get over my anger long enough to put my thoughts into coherent words.
Okay, so it's coming close to Mothers' Day, that Hallmark holiday designed to pay homage to mothers everywhere. Some Gather Head decides that this nifty little contest will draw more participants into Gather. It's publicized on the internet and in places like MyPoints.com. People join Gather for the contest. I get that part.
However, I have a serious issue with this contest. (Many people who know me know that I have a serious issue with Mitch Albom, but he doesn't even begin to figure into my annoyance with this "contest.")
My first issue is this: what if you do not have a mother? Not everyone has a mother. Not everyone comes from a cookie cutter "ideal" family. Some people have two mothers. Some have two fathers. Some don't have mothers at all because of death, separation or neglect.
My second issue is, what if your mother never stood up for you? What do you write about then? Are you automatically eliminated because your mother wasn't June Cleaver?
My story is this: I had a mother for 36 of my 51 years. She did the best that she could, but she wasn't a "good" mother. She wasn't June Cleaver, or Carol Brady, or even Roseanne Conner. She was frustrated by children and her marriage. She had dreams. She also expected maturity and common sense out of her kids, and usually we complied.
She was the kind of person who didn't stand up for any of her kids; she fully expected all of us to stand up for ourselves. I can't remember a time growing up when she took my side in any argument. If we got into trouble at school, she expected us to pay the consequences with the authorities, and then there were more consequences at home. There was no "oh, my little girl couldn't have done that!"
She also didn't do my homework or class projects. We did. She didn't interfere with our teachers. She didn't coddle us with home cooked meals (she couldn't cook anyway) or fresh baked goods. She was out earning a living so we could stay home and make our own dinners.
Like I said, she wasn't perfect, but I don't fault her. In fact, I wish I had a chance to thank her before she passed away. Without her influence, I would not be the person I am today. I may not be as hard as she, but I also never did my kids' homework or projects. If they got into trouble at school, they were writing apology letters to the teacher that night. My mother had the right idea; I just temper it.
You don't need a "contest" to pay tribute to your mother. You also don't need a special day for it, either.
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Comments: 26
I have always considered Albom a self-promoting purveyor of treacle.
His first best-seller is best enjoyed when read aloud in a group of literate people who are drinking.
I would see it and immediately I would think of the times that she didn't stand up for me. I love my mom, but something rankled me about that title of the contest.
Like the time that my father stopped beating her and turned to me.......That is when she should have stood up for me even if she hadn't been able to stand up for herself!
I loved my mom but these gushy type articles annoy me!
What if a child has two gay dads and no mother? Does that make the parenting he receives less than perfect?
worth re[eating-- once upon a time Albom was a fine sports writer
now he's GI-GO
and once upon a time he repreented very fine writer's ethics, but if he's using Gather as a platform to push his books, he has absolutely none because he's using a site which is listed on Preditors and Editors and gains it's basic income from plagiarism
And he's just full of himself. He complained when the FREEp disallowed him to post a slug under his name broadcasting his books
and it's just plain wrong because if you are a sports writer, you should be writing about sports and not advertising some book about afternoons with Morrie. And he just used his spot on the Freep apparently to be snotty and conceited. is okay, but self-destructive.
So now he's a bad bookwriter and not a good sportswriter. It\s the price of "success" and hopefully not one of his books will remain in catalogue for very long as a result of this mentality.
And I used to read his columns for sports because they received high recognition through Editor & Pubisher and Poyuunter, but after hje became famous, his writing really degeneratede into mush.
worth re[eating-- once upon a time Albom was a fine sports writer
now he's GI-GO
and once upon a time he repreented very fine writer's ethics, but if he's using Gather as a platform to push his books, he has absolutely none because he's using a site which is listed on Preditors and Editors and gains it's basic income from plagiarism
And he's just full of himself. He complained when the FREEp disallowed him to post a slug under his name broadcasting his books
and it's just plain wrong because if you are a sports writer, you should be writing about sports and not advertising some book about afternoons with Morrie. And he just used his spot on the Freep apparently to be snotty and conceited. is okay, but self-destructive.
So now he's a bad bookwriter and not a good sportswriter. It\s the price of "success" and hopefully not one of his books will remain in catalogue for very long as a result of this mentality.
And I used to read his columns for sports because they received high recognition through Editor & Pubisher and Poyuunter, but after hje became famous, his writing really degeneratede into mush.
sorry no access to internet for ages but wanted to read what you wrote and hands are very bad s you can see above ans I no longer care
I think there's the other side to it, too. What is said here about stepping aside to allow kids independence and force them to defend themselves is very legit, but I think that in bad times when you're kids were really helpless and facing crisis, you probably did defend them in some way-- such as take them to doctor when they were ill or give them psychological support when they defended themselves...
but there a re parents who mercilessly exploit their kids and then cut off their legs to see them dance--and for these people, they really don't need it shoved in their faces that they had little or no acceptance as kids or suffered abuse-- and actually this is the unpleasant emssage o this contest. I you didn't have Mrs Cleaver for a mother or worse yet Mrs Partridge then there ahs to be something wrong with you-- you are just guilty of not being appreciative of having a wonderful family and it must be your fault. The implication is that you must be a ratty, shitty person becaue you haven't got a nice story about how your mother stood up for you
and honestly, I can't remember a time when my mother did-- she was just as guilty as my father when it came to abuse and I think that she enjoyed the ability to manipulate and watch my life destroyed and even when she should have done something, she did nothing. There are times when kids do need help and need medical attention and need reassurance and there are even times when a mother should pick up a phone and report abuse
and there are a lot of people out there who grow up victims of violence within the home who live with the burden of guilt for being born. lots of folks lock their kiss in closets, beat them, tie them up like dogs and some rent their kids out for porno flicks-- and lots of parents just aren't there at all when the kids seriously need their support or love or reassurance-- and somehow they're su[posed to make up some cheesy story? or made to feel that something is wrong with them because they don't have feely-good memories of being tied down to a bed or knocked about?
It just seems like a cheap trick to sell a book and get immediate recognition and a way for Gather Inc to profit from tons of cheesy stories and drive-by ones...
really something inherently bad about this contest and the mentality it spawns. once he was really a decent sportswriter, but now he just writes mediocre books and anything goes, so long as he sells his book. I don't think he gives a damn whether anybody's mother really cared about the kids, but only that he sells his book. Very cheap trick with zit ethics involved.
it's Gather-- along with Donny Osmond. that's pertty pathetic, too. You and I, we can't even announce that we want to sell our photos or link to a webiste or gallery where we sell small things in order to survive. That's a ciolation of TOS-- but Donny Osmond can set up house4 and sell himself like a gigolo
and that's different because he alrady has money and Gather intends to profit by it
something a bit skewed here? perverse?
no, it's Gather with it's fine promotion of ethics, integrity and greed.
Nobody's mother is/was perfect, but hopefully she tried her best, and that's worth some sort of recognition. You don't need to come from a "cookie cutter ideal family," in order for your mother to stick up for you. Find another contest to enter, if this one doesn't fit you.
Personally, I think it's sad that you don't stick up for your children. There are days when they need to help themselves, and days when you need to support them. Would you let someone pick on them, if you were standing right there?
Not every school official is right - maybe you should have considered that before condeming them. Cooking meals for your children is not coddling them, it's providing them with a basic need - not a hard thing to do. Self-esteem, and independence grow from love and support - if you got there without these things, consider yourself lucky. And, just because someone's mother is no longer living, doesn't mean they can't celebrate their life, or write about them. Also, I'm pretty sure that people who come from abusive families know that there are people living in better homes, and a Mitch Albom contest isn't what's going to make them feel bad. I'm not his greatest fan either, but have you even read the book?? I'm certain you have not.