AN IMAGINARY CONVERSATION WITH THE DIRECTOR OF USER EXPERIENCE

Gather Newbie:  Excuse me, sir?  I’m not sure how to experience this place.  Can you help?

D.U.E.:  Of course, little lady (smiles broadly).  Why don’t you take a seat in the audience and observe this next scene…I always say watching an experience is the best teacher. (chuckles at his own joke).

G.N.:  Thank you.  May I sit here?

D.U.E.:  Um.. not there.  Move over one.  That’s better!  See?  I just directed your first experience!

G.N.:  (giggling):  Oh, I see!  That was fun.  What’s next?

D.U.E.:  Now I’m going to direct a member to dramatically read another member’s article.  Okay, Dame…I want you to look at William’s latest C&P…oops.. wait, another one just popped up.. (calls offstage) Hey, Slick Willie.. hold up a minute, willya?  You’re not leaving time for Dame to react.  Okay, Dame… go!

DAME:   (whining) Do I have to?

D.U.E.:   Come on.  Take one for the team.  It’ll be quick.

DAME:   Oh, alright already.  (types furiously while mumbling) Garbaging umbrage…another piece of crap…vitriolic epithets…

D.U.E.:   Good.  A little more hostility, please.  Excellent!  Did you spell ‘excrement’ correctly?  Of course you did.  I shouldn’t ask. (does a W. ‘heh heh’ impression).  Now, Nippy… I want you to read the comment and snort appreciatively.

NIPPY:  Sure, chief.  Harharhar.  How was that?

D.U.E.:  Dammit, Nippy… I said ‘snort’ not ‘chuckle’!  Try it again.

NIPPY:  (takes a sip of coffee, does a classic spit take)  Mmphhatt!  Better, chief?

D.U.E.:  Good good good… But can we do another, just to cover?

NIPPY:  (takes another sip.  Chokes on it)  Grrnff, urrgg.. (makes universal ‘I’m strangling’ gesture)

D.U.E.  (slaps Nippy on back.  Hard).  Superb, Nip!  Great reaction experience!  Bravo!  Okay, everybody…that’s a wrap!  (calls offstage) You can resume C&Ping, Slick!

DAME:  (to Nippy)  I’m getting tired of this same old stuff.  I’d love to experience something new and different.

NIPPY:  You mean original content? Get real!

DAME:  (sighs) I know..  can’t expect the Director to create experiences without decent material to work with.

NIPPY:  I’ve always wanted to direct. 

G.N.:  (applauds enthusiastically). That was grate…er, I mean graet…Oh hell, I can’t spell.