The Doctor took away my pain pills for my back last week, and I have been hurting like hell. I still go to work everyday, but it hasn't been easy at all. I usually only work three hours a day but this week I've had to work eight hours a day. It has been almost more than I could bear.
I have been praying the last few days, actually it's been more like begging, for God to let me die. I felt that I couldn't go on like this anymore. I know that people suffer way more than I have been suffering, but I just couldn't help how I felt.
This morning God almost answered my prayers. I got up and made my coffee and when I took my first sip, it went down the wrong way. I said sip but it was really more like a guzzle. As I was swallowing I hiccuped at the same time. I choked and coughed and then coffee spewed out of my nose.
I coughed and choked then I threw up. I couldn't breathe. This went on for several minutes. I was gasping for air but couldn't get any. I almost blacked out. Then I started praying for all I was worth, for God to save me. I realised at that moment that I really wanted to live. No matter how shitty my life has become, I really want to live.
I believe this happened to show me that I really didn't want to die. My Mom always told me, "Things might be bad today, but you never know what tomorrow will bring." I always rolled my eyes when she said that, but now I realise that it is really true. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I can only hope that it will be better than today.


Comments: 26
Have a great day Carolyn.
Funny thing, since my divorce I haven't had to take those meds anymore.LOL
I am sorry to hear about your back pain..
~hugs~