Jim This is amazing. Each line is a minimalistic study of the steelyard with hardened tools of scholarly word selection and precision. The sky is tented with steel that over states the "somber force", sealing out even the most scant evidence of the blue's "ancient spectrum." It is a way of life that can be expected by the steel working laborer.
It takes a great deal of consideration to evidence such careful word selection as this. It is a powerful visual image, well done.
Thank you, Douglas. Your sagacious read is a rare compliment in itself, and is appreciated at the core of this writer's being. I'm especially pleased to hear that the elements of the poem harmonize to create the overall effect--that was worrisome during the creative process.
Isn't there a heavy solemness overhead when the sky does that, Dawn? Sheesh! Hope you came through it, unscathed. Thank you for your nice comment, and please tell your hubby I'm glad he enjoyed the poem, too.
This was tough for me. Please do not get me wrong Jim. Your words are nonetheless very thought provoking but that's just it, I'm still in deep thought. What is Tanka? Is it a special form of poetry?
Absolutely, Charles. Tanka is a non-rhyming five line verse of 5, 7, 5, 7, 7 syllables per line. The form is from the Japanese, and precedes haiku. It varies slightly from haiku in that the subject need not be season oriented. More on tanka can be found at the Tanka GroupI hope this helps.
Hi, Amy. I pride myself on accessibility, but I guess I stretched metaphor drum tight here. I'm glad you found the key to unlock this poem of physical labor that drains the spirit. Thank you for your wonderful compliment.
This is a very nice tanka, Jim. I like to play around with strict forms of poetry. It's good exercise for the poet's mind.
The "arced plate of steel sky" just grabbed me immediately. A wonderfully strong phrase. It could have been a hard act to follow but you pulled it off to perfection. Great job.
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Comments: 18
This is amazing. Each line is a minimalistic study of the steelyard with hardened tools of scholarly word selection and precision. The sky is tented with steel that over states the "somber force", sealing out even the most scant evidence of the blue's "ancient spectrum." It is a way of life that can be expected by the steel working laborer.
It takes a great deal of consideration to evidence such careful word selection as this. It is a powerful visual image, well done.
Kapow - a 10! Clap, clap!
Even my hubby liked this one, Jim.
Thanks Jim!
The "arced plate of steel sky" just grabbed me immediately. A wonderfully strong phrase.
It could have been a hard act to follow but you pulled it off to perfection. Great job.