Hoping

I know I'm supposed to be strong, and not beat myself up

for letting you go.

After all, I did it for you.

I did it for me.

I did it for us.

We were stuck,

with nowhere else to go

but down.

Growth comes

when we look at ourselves

in the mirror,

and face the truth,

no matter how painful.

To do anything else

is to live in

DENIAL.

How I hate that word!

Denial was so lovely for awhile.

It really was.

There was just us two,

pretending it was perfect,

as we avoided reality,

and danced in a world

that we created for just the two of us.

But guilt and shame are painful bedfellows

and we can get lost in the ugliness;

When this happens, the cost of love

becomes too expensive. 

Yes, I know I did the right thing.

And I know that this is our only chance

at being whole, either together or apart.

But I still cry myself to sleep,

and wonder how you are.

I wonder if you think of me,

and if your eyes are also damp with tears.

And I wait

for that day when I see you again,

hoping that you will be healed,

hoping that you will be whole.

(And hoping that you will still love me).