LAS VEGAS-20 MILES
She could already feel the frigid, recycled air of the casino. Wake up Sandy, that’s your air conditioning! Rusty peeled off his fancy black jacket and eased the seat back. She was suddenly conscious of the bitter taste of stale cigarettes and coffee on her breath .
“Three questions!“ she exclaimed with cockiness she momentarily lacked. “OK, why the tux?”
“I came for a wedding” he replied
“And?”
“The chapel was empty. That’s two. Questions, that is. “
“Nice try. Could you get more vague?”
“Three” he retorted.
“Forget it! How in the hell did you end up out here?”
“I don’t remember”
“Seriously?”
“That’s five-”
“Fine, I couldn’t care less.” I’ll find out soon enough. “ Thirdly, can you grab me a mint and a marlbro out of the glove box?”
“May I help myself Sands? I’ll pay you back. I promise” As he leaned toward the compartment, a wad of hundreds spilled out of his pant‘s pocket. She swerved onto the shoulder of the road.
“Whoa!” she cried. She slid back onto the highway.
“Told you I’d pay you back” he said with a wry grin.
Was he the devil or the second coming?
What’s the difference when the odds are in your favor?
LAS VEGAS-5 MILES
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Comments: 20
Amy, thank you. Good to hear you're an addict!
Anne, thank you for your support. I thought this wouldn't stand on its own.
I enjoyed this Amanda. With a visual image you were able to address the essence of so many elements of the Los Vegas gambling experience that I found I had to go back again to see the colorful nuisances like,
"Wake up Sandy, that's your air conditioning!"
"a mint and a marlbro"
And my favorite, "As he leaned toward the compartment, a wad of hundreds spilled out of his pant's pocket. She swerved onto the shoulder of the road." Here the language momentum of the imagery energy flows fluid like into a stout compressed kinesthetic visual of the metaphor of the swerve to the shoulder of the road is so like a impulsive trip to Vegas.
Incorporating the immediate physical experience of the implied speed, reckless inattention, emotional distraction leading to life threatening experiences, as they are encased in a potential coffin of the careening car, and the good fortune of recovery as they return to the road and regain their direction. I wonder if their seatbelts were fastened?
This kind of writing is vivid testimony of your writing skill and ability to captivate and challenge the reader both conscious and subconsciously.
Excellent!
Kapow! Kapow! A 10
Real people with real circumstances , problems, and desires!!! That's what makes for an interesting story!!! No Harlequein Romances for me:) AWESOME .............