Back By Popular Demand (again): HOW TO WRITE A MARTICLE

  Per my promise on Jackie's reposted "martyr" article: (http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474976890857

 Sometimes, this is done under a brand new screen name, known only to special friends and Gather members smart enough to recognize a distinctive “writing” (read: misspelled doggerel) style.   Other times, the defector comes back because “everybody” was so sad to see him/her leave that he/she felt compelled to ease their broken hearts and so produces an “I forgive you, even though my life will never be the same” article.  This is a “martyr article”, hereinafter known by the portmanteau word “marticle”.

        In my ongoing effort to keep Gatherites educated and well-informed on current trends, herewith are various sub-groups of the genre.  Use them thoughtfully and with a healthy dose of guilt.

1)    THE POETICAL MARTICLE

(courtesy of Dannielle S.)

How anyone could not see
the emotional pain
I suffered
whilst straining
the waste water from my Rainbow vacuum
in search of the baby teeth that went missing
simply HAS NO HEART!
In an effort to help such fiends
grow a little empathy
in their garden
of dross,
I will plant the seeds of my vision
here.
With
plenty
of
fertilizer.

2)  THE SUFFERING IN SILENCE MARTICLE

     (courtesy of Jiya S.)

Really, don't mind me. No one will notice if I'm gone. The light bulb burned out three days ago, and I'm just sitting here, typing in the dark.

3)  THE IT'S NOT MY FAULT MARTICLE

     (courtesy Melissa the Empress)

You broke my heart so I broke your neck, now I must kill myself since you no longer walk the earth.

Any or all of the foregoing will serve as the basis of marticles guaranteed to bring high pity ratings, many commiserating comments and lot of gatherpoints to the writer.  Poor grammar, punctuation and spelling earn extra sympathy and possible canonization.