And My Song would be heard-

I open the computer everyday. I check my email inbox. There are many emails from Gather.com.

for minutes uncounted I just stare at the screen, my mind and thoughts are far away.

My closest friend has said something and I feel upset and a bit angry., or is it really anger?I wonder.

Why is this habit of teasing others becoming popular ? why do people feel that they can say anything that they feel like  to a person they consider as a friend.

Are friends supposed to be made of stone or a sponge so that they can absorb everything or be so hard as to just throw away anything that strikes. ?

'I like to tease as it gives me pleasure' I heard one say this.

OH yes, so what? if I said that'.

'well,please dont be angry at this'

'well it has upset me, I dont like this teasing business'

'why for your pleasure you never thought of my feelings? and if you dont then you are not a friend' eh?

OH is that so'

 Yes-

I care so much and you make verything a joke' why cant you be serious?

I never feel anything wrong with this teasing'

'well I do and I consider it ...er.......rather  ...a bit of ....disrespect'

'oh come on', dont be angry I really did not mean anything'

well then maybe you should keep your teasing and feelings to yourself'

'and how do I know you care'?'

''you dont know how much I care!!!

'well your teasing spoils it all' 'actually you dont know I have been hurt before, like this, and a friend ...well I thought --would be a friend...but after taking all ..and I mean all....left me saying 'your heart is not pure'

Oh my dear heart', it bleeds inside still...of course the blood flows through it but yet it bleeds ..differently..............

I reach for the drawer of the computer table and the pack of cigarettes stares at me.

'Take a puff you will feel better' the green and brown packet seems to say.

'Ah yes, I will.....'the blue transparent lighter feels like a life giving drink, the flick of the flame lights up immediately, what a wonderful support it appears, burning intensely as my feelings. I would try to blow away all thoughts with the smoke.

'Ah to blow away the hurts

to bear the pricks of thorns

to die a death with every word

or to make the soul fly like a bird

away away, I could love Death

If it would be just once

and I would catch my fading breath

and my song would be heard;

there I go again, moments of sad thoughts, but no!I must think again and forgive my friend and all; 'see you have almost written a page' a voice seems to say

and  I see that I started tapping on the keyboard a week ago. Today I feel better and I think I will stop here.