DADVENTURE: "Babyproofing Your Marriage" Review

I can say without hesitation that Babyproofing Your Marriage: How to Laugh More, Argue Less and Communicate Better as Your Family Grows by Stacie Cockerell, Cathy O'Neill and Julia Stone is the single best marriage advice and self-help book that I have ever read.

The fact that it is the only marriage advice and self-help book that I have ever read should take nothing away from this funny, breezy, provocative and decidedly utilitarian book. In general, I'd rather have my teeth worked on than read self-help.  Without anesthesia.  But I read the book anyway. I considered taking the dust jacket off while reading the book in public. But I read it anyway.  I wanted to be able to dismiss what these ladies had to say.  But I read it anyway. 

Because despite the fact that engaging this kind of material is uncomfortable for many men (well, me),  this trio of authors has managed, thought their earthy wit, direct advocacy, and  charm to write a marriage book that fathers (and moms, too) can and should read.

That effort begins on the first page as a reader encounters a fistful of swear words.  Now this may seem like a cheap trick to some and inappropriate to others, but to this reviewer it indicated that this book would be real.  This book might have a shot at representing my on-the-ground experience as a husband and a father.  Strangely, the curses made me trust these authors.

Cockerell, O'Neil and Stone continue to earn the reader's trust with each new paragraph.  They are candid and blunt, sharing personal and hard-won insights and moments.  They are clear that they have learned from their own mistakes, and that their own marriages were less than perfect at times.  And they don't pretend to be experts of the traditional, degreed sort.  These women are not family counselors (one is a lawyer and the other two have MBAs from the Red McCombs School of Business where they met).  If you need credentials and initials after your self-help authors' names, this isn’t the title for you.  Here, all you'll find are bright, articulate, thoughtful and honest moms that write well.

Particularly about sex.

Guys, even if you cannot stand this form of literature.  Even if you could never imagine reading a book like this one.  Buy this book. Read chapter four.  Dog ear it.  Put it on your wife's bedstand.  You can email me later and thank me.  By keeping guys away from the "Ten O'Clock Shoulder Tap" and encouraging couples to enjoy a "Five-Minute Fix" these authors might just save a few marriages.

For the most part, these authors have a pretty good bead on what a man's experience of entering parenthood is like.  They have "Provider Anxiety" and fears about a loss of intimacy down pat.  Men do come across here as not very well suited by instinct to be parents, and incorrigibly horny. Although this may be true, I hope that the shifting gender roles that allowed these women to be so successful in the business world may provide us guys with at least the hope of overcoming our social programming to be more involved parents.

The trio also documents well the difficulties a modern mom faces as she tries to juggle her many responsibilities – the demands placed on her by kids, husbands, and for some, work.  I suspect that there are many women who feel like their own "mommy chip" sometimes threatens to take over.  The authors don't sake a stand on the whole stay-at-home v. career mommy wars, and as a result, their prescriptions have broader application.

The text of the book is peppered with quotes from moms and dads just like us, and the authors have done a great job of teasing honest and frank input from their subjects.  There are dozens and dozens of voices here, all chipping in.  This allows for parents to feel reassured that we are not alone.  The fears, struggles and issues cataloged here are shared by most parents.  I did sometimes feel that the author's own observations were drowned out by all these perspectives, but overall, the balance works.

These women are not afraid to offer prescriptions to cure what ails us parents.  While I was skeptical at the outset, these women show themselves to be clear thinkers and problem solvers.  It's easy to see why these ladies felt right at home in the business world.  Their suggestions ring of practicality and down to earth insight.  I feel that I understand my wife's experience better, and I have already made attempts to adjust my behavior thanks to this book.

It may be too late for me to "Babyproof" my marriage, but I think, thanks to Cockerel, O'Neill and Stone, that it may be just a fraction more baby resistant.

To watch a video interview with the authors click here.

Clay Nichols, Health Correspondent:
Clay’s column, Dadventure, published twice monthly to Gather Essentials: Health, is a sure-fire guide to raising flawless, perfectly behaved, and always obedient children.  Yeah, right.
 
Clay is the co-author of Filmmaking for Teens: Pulling Off Your Shorts, an award-winning playwright, and the Chief Creative Officer at DadLabs.com, a fatherhood website.

You can find all of Clay’s Dadventure articles at http://gather.com/dadventure

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