remind me why I liked brautigan when I was...

I rose to the sounds of fish weeping

Wind in the palms echoed lament

Shadows covered over the glint of the moon

dancing silver on their tears and their scales

I tried to console them with metaphors

amusing stories and poems

until all was connected to everything

and the world poured over the shore

"Death gives us depth", I said

then showed them pictures of the blind

of those who could see, living there

but were always standing between

In the end they remained dispossessed

by what was said and done

So I spread out crumbs...

on the water

Comments: 14

amanda wallin Mar 25, 2007, 5:04pm EDT

Cryptic yet beautiful poem. I gather this is a striking metaphor for us hordes who are swimming upstream and cannot face the finality of death needing to believe. When faith isn't enough, nourish us with life. Stunning verse my friend.

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Atticus *. Mar 25, 2007, 8:05pm EDT

Oh, thank you so much amanda, I thought this one was just going to die on the vine. This came out of no where and it took me back 30 years to the poetry of Richard Brautigan and the message I got from it and his life. You are a peceptive reader amanda. Thank you again.

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Atticus *. Mar 26, 2007, 9:29am EDT

Thanks Cindy, I like that. I really meant scales as a metaphor for armor, but I'm way open to expanding interpretaion. I appreciate the read!

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Atticus *. Mar 26, 2007, 9:10pm EDT

Thanks so much Jill. I'm pleased you see so much here. I always try to get the most I can out of the fewest possible words. I have great respect for your opinion and always appreciate your generous comments.

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Jimmy _ Mar 27, 2007, 12:16pm EDT

It took my little pea brain a while to wrap around this one but when I realized the beauty of the meaning hidden there, I realy enjoyed it.

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Atticus *. Mar 27, 2007, 5:29pm EDT

Jimmy, Thank you. I appreciate very much you thinking about it and coming back to comment.

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Edward Nudelman Mar 28, 2007, 10:46am EDT

really great homage poem to Brautigan. Atticus, this is a superb poem in every way. The sentient quality and tone, the fish weeping, the moon visual, your attempt to console, and the ending unrhymed couplet is simply wonderful. I would only make one very small comment, since I like this so much, and that would be that I don't think the repetition of the word "console(d)" adds energy, and I'd think about a replacement that would continue the thought. AWESOME POEM!

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Atticus *. Mar 28, 2007, 12:35pm EDT

Ed, Thank you for your thoughtful praise, comments, and criticism. I thought about that word too and you are so right. I appreciate you saying that it doesn't add energy to the poem. I felt that little drag also. I have to think about what fits better and preserves the direction of the poem while staying true to Brautigan's language. Thanks again.

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John Harris Beck Apr 3, 2007, 10:35am EDT

"Ditto" to the thoughtful appreciations above, and one added thought that speaks to me here: that we try to give what we think is needed, but do best at the end if we provide what the fish want, though it's crumbs to us. Well said, thanks.

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Atticus *. Apr 3, 2007, 10:04pm EDT

Thank you John, - Food for thought.

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William Dotani Apr 6, 2007, 11:29am EDT

The poem gives a good image, especially for anyone who has lived near a lake. Personally I did not like the words weeping and tears in the same stanza, plus it was a bit too direct when in juxtaposition with the metaphor in the other stanza. I really like the verse: 'and the world poured over the shore'.

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Atticus *. Apr 6, 2007, 8:46pm EDT

William, Thanks for your straight forward assessment of my poem. I appreciate your thoughts.

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t b. Mar 9, 2008, 2:01pm EDT

Yes, Oh Yes Atticus!
This poem has given me an idea to re-fuel my writing.
To take out his books and re-read them---
it has been SO many years since I have turned his pages.
Thank you.

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remind me why I liked brautigan when I was young (revised)

Comments: 14

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