I did my list of 6 yesterday but since David P. gave me permission to break the rules, I can't get one out of my head... So, I'm adding a new one.
7.) All my life, I have had a weight issue. Now, this is not what you may think. It's a weight issue in my own head. I've never been THAT overweight. I mean, at most, 10 lbs or 15 lbs above my "ideal" weight for my height and age. And, it's actually never been that noticable - I was an athlete and hid the extra lbs well. But... The issue sprang from my mother always making little comments. She HATES fat. She thinks it's the most disgusting thing on the planet. So, if she did ever see a roll or the beginning of a double chin, she would comment on it. She would point it out to me so I would try to correct it. But, I never actually dieted or exercised or anything else I should have done to get rid of the weight. For years she told me, "If you'd just lose 10 or 15 lbs, you'd be perfect..." Now, I don't think she was trying to be a beast but.... It messed with my psyche. I wouldn't eat the cupcakes people brought to school for their birthdays for fear they would look at me and think "She shouldn't be eating that." I wouldn't wear revealing clothes for fear that I was "too fat" to wear something. I have NEVER worn a bikini because I just don't have the self-confidence from years of my mother's comments. When I got married in January, I was at my heaviest - which now I can see is becoming fat whereas before I really should have been more confident. All of this seems typical. Nothing odd about that...
This is where it gets "weird." People have said to me, "I can't believe you didn't have an eating disorder!" Well, I've thought about it... But... Shortly after thinking about that being the fastest way of losing weight, I realize.... I am too lazy for an eating disorder. Do you realize how much energy and time goes into trying to hide that you have one?!?!? Do you realize how much energy and time it takes to hide food, throw up, justify what you're doing?!?!
It was too much of a commitment for me. That's why this is odd.
recommend
Facebook
Twitter
bookmark 
print
Comments: 3
I like the end of this, too lazy to have an eating disorder! You are sane!
I never had an official eating disorder, but after becoming single at 45, sometimes I would just forget to eat. I was the one who always cooked in that marriage and I did not want to cook. I couldn't even go to the grocery store. Oops, I'm crying. It got scary a couple of times, I was to lazy to eat.
Congratulations, your story is thoughtful and light and touched me deeply somehow.