Bettina's Ghost (gothic mystery)

UPDATE—27 June 2008:

The First Chapters competition has long since passed, but anyone still interested in reading this writing sample can find it at You Write On, which—by the way—is an excellent workshop website for anyone serious about improving their fiction writing skills.  It's all about hands-on critiquing.

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I ask the indulgence of the community at Gather to RRC (read, rate, comment) my entry in the First Chapters Writing Competition, Bettina's Ghost. 

All comments are welcome.  All I ask is that they're tactful.  I know this isn't everyone's type of story and I'm nervous enough as it is.  This entry is due to be removed March 29/30, 2007.

Summary: 

Bettina Wilby is secretly married to her great love, Victor Filmore.  Her father is a renegade gentleman in Regency England's high society.  Not being the first born son in his family, he built a fortune investing in textile mills and related businesses.  Both Filmore and her father, Major Martin Wilby, are Whigs and MPs, but Filmore takes social reform seriously and the Major sees the younger man as a threat to his family.  Although the Major never outwardly refuses Filmore's suit for Bettina, he is against it.  Once the Major learns they are married, he kills Filmore.  Bettina is pregnant at the time.  Several months later, after escaping from gaol, the Major accidentally kills Bettina when he sneaks back into the family home, Wilby Manor, to see his new granddaughter.

One hundred and seventy-one years later, Wilby Manor is still owned by the Wilby family.  Bettina and her infant haunt the premises and subsequent occupants have often heard the baby's crying along with witnessing other phenomena.  Elizabeth Wilby, a young direct descendent of the Major, has taken on the challenge of leading the Wilby fashion conglomerate and, after the death of her mother, her father, Sir Jack, is turning ownership of the estate over to her as a wedding present.  Her fiancé, Richard Goodworth, however, refuses to live in a haunted house.  Wanting both, Elizabeth looks for a way to exorcise Bettina and believes she has found a way with the help of Virginia Tucker, a reporter for The Dispatch.

When Elizabeth is abruptly killed, the Murder Squad at Scotland Yard is called in and Inspector Edward Bangs, who Tucker is familiar with after working the crime beat, is assigned to the case.  Showing her a pile of papers left on Elizabeth's desk, it becomes clear that she has taken an exceptional interest in Tucker and was even spying on her and are unclear exactly why.  They track down those close to Elizabeth with motivation.  Margaret Lacey-Forbes is Elizabeth's best friend who recently underwent a shameful abortion and confided only to Elizabeth, but the information was leaked to the press.  Jack Wilby the Younger, as Sir Jack's only son, by tradition is supposed to be the one who inherits Wilby Manor and was taken by surprise when their father announced he would give it to Elizabeth as a wedding present.  Goodworth, young, jealous, and quick to jump to conclusions, mistook all of the appointments he saw in Elizabeth's appointment book for her aborting his baby.  Jessica Wilby, Elizabeth's younger sister, is resentful at being pushed around and being cast aside by her exlover, Goodworth.  Michael O'Brien, caretaker of the estate, is secretly in love with Jessica and would do anything to please her.  It becomes obvious some planning was put into Elizabeth's murder as the killer copied the circumstances of Filmore's death—including its anniversary—and some of the locals believe the Old Major killed her.

In hope of gaining more insight on the case, Tucker and a couple of companions have an unhosted overnight stay at Wilby Manor to see if it's as haunted as everyone says it is.  They find the murder weapon, another body, and realize they're in danger themselves.

This novel employs and updates several elements common in Victorian gothic romance novels, including an old manor house, a story within a story, and a family flow chart.  It differs in that it's a mystery, instead of a romance and not all of the occurrences are "logically" explained .  It's a gothic mystery.