Before I am accused of plagiarism, I want to explain that I did receive SOME of these in an email. However, I added my own definitions starting with the ones not in italics. Since I don't remember when I received this email or who sent it to me I cannot give proper acknowledgment. I feel sure, however, this is NOT copy written work, unless Jeff Foxworthy wants to claim ownership. In that case, Jeff, I thank you for allowing me to publish this article. I think I have added more signs than the original so how about splittin' the moola!
You know you're a Redneck when:
Your favorite poem is from a restroom wall.
Your phone is mobile but your car isn't.
The only time you moved was under the witness protection program.
You always have grits for breakfast.
You have a bug light inside your house.
Your dream home is stuck in traffic.
You've ever turned in a family member for the reward.
Your monthly budget includes bail.
Your tools are worth more than your car.
You've ever given a stolen road sign as a graduation present.
You honk your horn during love scenes at the drive-in.
When you refer to your "laptop," you're talking about the dance you paid for last weekend.
_____________________________________________________________________
You use an old beat up hubcap as a dog dish.
You carry a big metal ring filled with keys and attached to a belt loop in your blue jeans.
You use a pocket knife to cut your fingernails and toenails.
You have a big pair of fuzzy dice hanging from your rear view mirror.
You are married to your hair dresser.
You think the word sex is a number.
You marry your cousin and discover she is your half-sister.
You know the difference between a hound dog and a coon dog.
Your alarm clock is a rooster.
You have an open bottle of moonshine hid in your closet.
You only eat soup that has a ham bone in it.
You dress up for church by wearing a long sleeved blue shirt and a pair of overalls. (Sometimes referred to as Overhauls.)
You know the difference between overalls and coveralls.
Your favorite T-Shirt has the Bud logo on the front and a Harley sign on the back.
You love fried bologna.
You not only know what red-eye gravy is, you also know how to make it.
Your best friend's name is Bubba.
Feel free to add your own signs. I promise not to plagarize them. (Then, again, if they are really good...hmmmm.)
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Comments: 25
This is great June....
Kathleen, I won't hold my breath on that because they can't stay away from Gather. Probably they will be popping in with new identities, they are famous for that. lol.
You know you're a Redneck, if you dry your laundry outside, spread on tress, bushes.
You might be a Redneck if:
...the song "dueling banjos" plays in your mind as you think about your happy family memories.
...your family tree has no branches.
...if there is a "dog box" (along with petrified evidence of its use" that stays in the back of your pick-up truck year round.
...if you have these essential items behind the seat of your pick-up truck, one or more rolls of duct tape, a pack of J-B Weld, a Stanley Super Wonder Bar, a heavy tow chain, a set of jumper cables, two or three cheap blue tarps, a few spoils of rope in differnet sizes, a hydraulic bottle jack and a block to set it on when using because the wimpy one that comes with the truck ain't worth the trouble, and a can of nuts, bolts, screws, fasteners, etc. that you have collected over the years and keep them in there...just in case.
Actually, I think the term "Redneck" came about to descibe farmers who worked in the fields all day. The area between their shirt collar and their hair line would be burned bright red by the sun. Thus, the term "Redneck".
WE LOVE GATHER
You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children, when suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife,and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock 9mm, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
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Democrat's Answer
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor! Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire himto attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and night to make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.
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Republican's Answer
BANG!
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Redneck's Answer
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click! (Sound of loading spare magazine)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
After the sounds of the shots subside, the family then gathers around the shredded body of the Terrorist, and have the following reactions:
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Glaser Safety Slugs or the Corbon Hollow Points?"
Son: "Git-r-Dun Pop! Will you let me shoot the next one?, will ya?!"
Wife: "Dang it Bill, you ain't planning on taking that thing to the taxidermist, are you??!!
This is being featured in Dazed and Lightly Confused.
Your definition is the one to which I pointed out as my preferred one...that of the agrarain South. Yet, there does exist, an earlier use of the term from Scotland which is supposed to have been transferred here with its immigrants...who, if the immigrated to the south, with their fair complexions, would extend the word and its meaning..........in any case............"His neck was red as Alabama clay...."
Robb, could be.
Todd, that was hilarious. I am sure there was no political pun intended, just as this article was meant to cause smiles or laughter, and not belittle anyone. I am from GA so I have never considered the term to be offensive. Now, "white trash", is another subject, and one I don't want to respond to.
Thanks for featuring this, ♪Paul, in your group. :-)