Discussion Topic: The Resilience of Children

Some children out live there suffering. But I would guess that some kids are scared for life. Many African American kids get caught up in a cycle of violence at a very early age for very nefarious social, and political trends that are steeped in the culture of racism that still plagues this country. Some of these kids rise above the things they've done and seen in their young lives. But many do not, and live unproductive, self destructive, antisocial life styles until they die. I'm sure the same can be said about some kids who are kidnapped and impressed into some revolutionary or counter revolutionary armed movement.

In my work at a family crisis center I have witnessed the resiliency of youth who have been abused and have witnessed abuse. It doesn't happen on their own, they need the right support system and are given the opportunity to leave the violent situation.

I think it depends on whether they get the support they need at the right time. Some children can not get past the trauma they have witnessed. We all need some type of support system.

For some reason this reminds me of the Vietnam War. I know children were kidnapped from their families and forced to kill. But children can't be blamed for the things adults make them do! I do believe a lot of these children overcame this and probably some didn't. And I am very sure it is still going on today.

It would seem Ishamel is living proof of that statement. If so, the bigger question is how do we provide more children with the opportunity to outlive their suffering? And, why don't we work toward that goal? It is not only humane but logical to invest in our future by providing more children with the opportunity to heal and flourish.

Opportunity and hope are the eternal flames burning within every person, be it a child or an adult. Our desire to overcome and achieve is the fuel keeping the hope alive. Strength plays a powerful role in choosing the correct path in life.

Suffering in children in horrible to see but in my case it made me stronger. When i was about 10, still a child but on my way into adolescence, i lost the best friend i have ever had. My aunt was an inspiration to all. She had been sick all of her life, on dialysis since she was 9 years old, she suffered so much all of her life. She got bit by a poisionous spider when she was in her 30's that caused infection to spread and she needed to have her feet amputated. But in spite of all of this, she still had time to make me feel like i was her world. That i could do anything and everything. When i lost her, even at that young age i felt like my world was collapsing. I couldn't cry for months and then one day i just broke down. It's been years and i still think of her every day and judge what i do on her advice. Yes, i had suffered but i became a more appreciative and determined person because of it. With strong will power and guidence from people like my mother i was able to overcome my sadness.

Reading Beah, I can't help but think about how this parallels with the situation in the Middle East right now. How many child soldiers are we creating right now, and what will the effect be on the global landscape in 10, 15 years from now?

I think of young Iraqi boys growing up to hate us for taking away their families, their futures. Will those boys not turn into men one day?

Beah was one of the lucky ones. He managed to find an external support system and the inner wherewithal to rise above.

Most people won't.

If children grow up through traumatic times, they are more apt to recover from hard times with consistent support because they are still learning the world through children's eyes.

I think as a parent we should try our best to not mess our children up by not trying to make them deal with adult problems. As parents we go thru things personally in our live ie. divorce, childbirth but these are or things that we go thru. We should think about what types of people we are unleashing on society.

"I would always tell people that I believe children have the resilience to outlive their sufferings, if given a chance."

I wholly agree. Note, Mr. Beah states, "outlive", not forget. We all have the potential to survive the most horrendous things life throws at us. With faith, support and love, we can triumph over anything. Unfortunately, too many people use their personal tragedies as a crutch, or an excuse for their current situations, instead of using them as a tool to learn from, and perhaps to teach, as the amazing Mr. Beah has done.

The sentiment Ishamel shares is certainly a hopeful one...and I think it is an excellent position for society to take because it creates the opportunity for positive transformation. That said, I have worked for 15 years with children effected by violence and trauma; I myself have experienced the continuum from early childhood of witness, victim, perpetrator of violence, and dysfunctional human being, to rebirth as hopeful, loving, functional adult. It has been my experience and observation that all children do not have the same resiliancy. Not all children respond in the same ways to the same feedback or the same circumstances. They have differing levels and manifestations of strength, and their humanity is damaged to varying degrees by environmental constants. Thus, I'm not sure I agree with Ishamel's statement. Even given all the encouragement in the world, not all children can overcome and move forward. That said, I also think it is our duty as humans, to afford it, no matter the outcome, to each and every one.

I believe in the relevance of that quote to all people. I think to some extent, every child has suffered horrible things on the way to growing up. How many of us are in therapy because of traumatic experiences in our formative years?

In other countries, where children are suffering the horrors that Mr. Beah describes in his book, these psychological sufferings must be even more pronounced. I cannot imagine what it must be like to suffer through such conditions.

However, the human mind and spirit have an amazing ability to heal themselves, if given the chance. When you let go of the traumas of your past and look towards the future, you can rise above whatever circumstances may have occured. Some of us find the strength to overcome by faith in a higher power; some by faith in themselves; some by faith in humanity and through helping others - or some combination of all of the above. There is no one true path - but the road is clearly visible, and many have traveled down it leaving roadmarks for those who will follow after.

I think it would be good for Ishmael to answer this more completely. I often wonder if he will expand on his life journey in another narrative with answers to some of the following questions: Do you still have nightmares, do you blame yourself at all, are you able to overcome depression and the thought of missing your birth mother and all the guidance she would have liked to give you; do you ever have random uncontrolled thoughts, if so, how do you handle it; do you ever worry about losing your temper, are you able to have meaningful relationships without fearing loss of the loved one; how do you handle precarious situations or cruel comments from people. It seems Ishmael was able to get a good perspective with all the support he got and this was the key. Other questions I would like answered by him was how exactly the rehabilitation worked, what methods seemed to be effective, what percentage of the children were able to gain a life from the center, how can we be more sensitive to people from his situation who may need our understanding, how can we get these people to open up. I do think children are resilient and I believe in them, but we have to be there and contribute to agencies that support them. There are probably only very few who can do it on their own.

I think there are many who are afraid to admit what Ishmael has to say.

Ishmael's message is one of hope. Not only for children who suffer, but for those who think that they have. After generations of bitter, complaining adults who know little or nothing of suffering, but speak as if they do-Ismael is a fresh voice. His message slays a hopeless outlook.

Ishmael is more than a messenger, he is the authoritative voice for those who truly know suffering. Yes, children are resilient-yes there is always hope and healing-and by God's Mercy and Grace, may we hear the messenger, honor that truth, and take action accordingly.

I was struck by the almost simultaneous release of "Amazing Grace" and Ishmael's brilliant book. With all the gruesome news we're exposed to on TV about crime in the city, Darfur, Iraq and Afghanistan, one's instinct (as a law abiding citizen, dontcha know) is to lock up the perpetrators and warmongers, and throw away the key. With both the "Amazing Grace" movie (about the efforts of slavery abolitions in Great Britain, with a subplot involving the redemption of the song's author, John Newton, a former slaveship owner) and Beah's autobiography, one can witness that redemption IS possible. Beah personally perpetrated horrendous and gruesome acts, acts that horrified him when he saw others suffer at the hands of rebels and soldiers. Experiencing the suffering of others was not enough to stop him from eventually doing the same, and the world as a whole has not grasped on to what I call the "Romeo and Juliet Ah-Ha Moment," where the two families realize their petty rivalry has led to the loss of their children, what was most precious to them. However, Beah's spirit, his presence, has given to the world a palpable jolt...redemption IS possible. I know his history and his acts, and I can forgive him and also look to him as a leader for peace. The hymn "Amazing Grace" has carried this torch for a few centuries now (however closely tied to redemption through Jesus), but there have been few LIVING exempars. Beah is one of the few...and perhaps with his example, WE can believe it is possible for us all.

I also think we are afraid to admit that children are resilient, because we fear it will excuse abusing them. If we say that abuse WILL cause long-term, PERMANENT damage-then it makes abusing them sound more serious than if we say, "they are resilient". We fear saying it, will excuse the abuser. Unfortunately, we send a false and negative message to the one who needs to heal.

Children faced upon challenges at such young ages surprisingly are very resilient... I know it took all of my inner strength to face challenges different from Ishmael (cancer)... For reasons I explore today I was so strong and pressed forward in the face of death... would I be so strong today? I doubt it. I know more. Children are nieve and are full of hope and faith... I still am today but to have such strength emotionally and physcially to "press on"... I question if I could do the same thing today....

I also want to ad that it seems to me there is some risk in making broad generalizations about human capability because of the tendancy for them to be used as standards to which capability is compared for better or worse by all.

For example, some children experience horrors and go on to overcome them. Many others do not. No one has been able to adequately explain why one child succeeds and another fails given the same environmental factors; except to say that perhaps one is luckier, or more graced by God, or has a stronger will. And yet, society tends to find fault with those who do not succeed at overcoming-- as if they didn't want to succeed badly enough-- as if they had a choice. People say, "oh, well, so and so suffered in precisely the same way, but he went on to live a contented and productive life-- If he can do it, anyone can." And the same is true for generalizing about human incapability as well. If one is incapable, we all are. So again, I think capability or lack of it is complex and present in individuals to varying degrees.

As the saying goes, "Children live what they learn...", this quote clearly states the facts behind those words. Ishmael has emerged from the darkness into his 'own' personal light. Great Quote!

I think it's great to say it simply. As a child, I knew people weren't like me, and that seemed to mean I was somehow better. I've looked at my birthchart to know it was something inevitable to occur in me to see people that way, but growing up it wasn't enough to see people that way anymore. I fell into depression easily and was influenced a great deal by the music I listened to, not so much knowing at all times if it was the right feeling to have. I've adapted to different kinds of music, and in my feng shui, music can be a great influence to the way I think. Mostly, it has helped, but some behaviors and attitudes in music triggers a sort of superficial way of looking at things, which only returns me to feel isolated by people who don't understand me. I have resilience from my childhood to also care about people, much like Ishmael in his book, and I did experience a time where I became restless and had too many thoughts from my studies. We were born the same year of the metal monkey, so I think we have some parallel. His story is extreme for anyone to go through, and I've been met with extremes as well.

I think our childhood greatly impacts us to return to that way of thinking when we are trying to connect with people. I've been in an abusive relationship with someone I love, but I can't seem to be enough for that person. The best thing for me to do is avoid extremes by any means because I can really get carried away with what seems apparent to me as a threat. It tends to make me exaggerate the situation and become overwhelmed. Without my medication, I become fearful with too many thoughts working against me, but for that to have happened to begin with, I had gone through many triggers while watching television. It was an exposure to too many attitudes from other people who seemed to enter into my private life. The feng shui and my nature wouldn't be identical to Ishmael, but I don't find the television to be the solution to our studies. Movies can be a great influence if they illustrate to us positive outcomes and allow us to understand the situations if they aren't positive outcomes.

My childhood and the people I knew made me resilient. Though I maybe early on thought myself to be quite smart in comparison, it didn't stop me from caring about them. Since I became addicted to drugs, I entered a part of the world that took me away from that, and drugs do not allow us to reconnect if that's what we want. I encourage people to stop doing that and to focus on their health and maintain that. Drugs are not the answer to boredom, either. It can actually be dangerous and isolating, perhaps especially for us metal monkeys. New ideas being brought to us through drugs may become terrifying. When we are children we have a basic understanding of the world, and that is another thing we need to maintain. Our perception early on can adapt to new things, but we need a natural experience and one that isn't influenced by drugs and abstractions.

Yes, we need people, in my opinion, to turn ourselves in a better direction. I can't say that I'm in a better position now than before. Really I'm confused, and I have a wandering mind.

In his book, Ishmael first maintained himself as a child with innocence, and it could be any of us to know what that is. And it should mean that we care about people after all we go through later.

Laura, great comment!

"I would always tell people that I believe children have the resilience to outlive their sufferings, if given a chance." ~ Ishmael Beah

~~~

Children have that innocence about them. Insight that we, as adults seem to lose as we gravitate away from ourselves into the "societal" world in which we must live.

Children are far more stronger in spirit than adults. They are constantly growing in thought and spirit. Many adults continue to do this but with children, it is surreal, like J.M. Barrie's "NeverLand."

Somehow, we lose that the further we draw down the path.

Children suffer extreme spiritual/emotional/mental/physical and psychological dillemmas every single day. They are victims of child abuse, drug/alcohol addicted parents, beaten, unloved, made fun of, forced to fight, forced to go to war.

A child will gravitate towards the light. They are full of light themselves. It is the ever changing world in which we live that so rapidly dampens that flame. We, as adults, once held that flame and if we were lucky, kept that flame going.

As an adult will search for a new job, a new car, a home. A child will seek a mentor. Whether they seem as if they wish this or not, they do. Inside each one of us is the need to feel acceptance. It is within the spirit this is found and if a child is given even one chance, compared to no chances, at being accepted and approved of, then there will always be love present.

Without this, there is no acceptance. No self-worth. No family, no tradition. A child will seek out his own tribe. People he can cope with and "seem" to understand him. Some may seek acceptance out of fear.

Regardless of the situation, I do fully believe that any child is capable of handling ten times the amount of stress and anxiety that we, as adults, are unable to process efficiently.

With guidance. love, family, and friendship, a child finds acceptance thus finding themselves and with the right adult who has already been down their path and is willing to help, that child will most likely grow up to be a success.

It is all in who is doing the mentoring and if the child is listening.

"I would always tell people that I believe children have the resilience to outlive their sufferings, if given a chance." His story carries a powerful message about how the happiest children could transform into casual murderers, but can also find redemption under positive influences.

My thoughts on the quote is: Children probably do have a resilience to things like that. Especially if that appears to be the only way of life that they have ever known. It is truly sad that that may be the case... either 1) that that's the only life they know or 2) they may not get the chance to live to see adulthood. Children are so innocent and do what they feel they have to do to survive and or to simply do what their parents or family members are asking them to do for the sake and survival of the family as a unit. Although once they have crossed that line of casual murderers, it does not necessarily mean they will always be lost, confused, and continue to live like that if they make it to adulthood. There are positvive influences out there that can help them. Unfortunately there may be plenty of times when the positive influences reach these innocent and scared children too late.

I would like to ask Beah what he means by "outlive". Yes, children are resilient, but the things they suffer in childhood will continue to affect them throughout their adult lives, even if they are able to find peace and hope eventually. If he means that children can move beyond their sufferings, leaving them behind, shedding them as a snake sheds its skin, I would disagree. If he means that children can learn to live with their sufferings, moving into adulthood embracing them as part of the fabric of their life and person but not being held down by them, I agree. I have lived in several countries in the Horn of Africa and have seen adults who experienced unimagineable horrors as children. None seem to have dropped their past. Some continue to deal with it in the form of nightmares and on-going fears among other issues. However, those who have been "given a chance", have been able to live lives full of joy, purpose and hope even while acknowledging their pain. In that sense, they have "outlived" their sufferings. The fact of the suffering remains, the experience of it has dulled and the survivor of it has lived triumphantly.

There have been several stories of children, who, due to harsh backgrounds, were challenged to make something better of their lives. It is a matter of attitude. This is not discounting the fact that people react differently to experiences.

I find the quote to be sad, but true. We see more and more in the news how seemingly normal kids just lose it. There are those other children that show many signs of trouble ahead, but no one is listening. Our society is a scarey place now.
I don't think it is easy for any age group to just live and be happy without being affected by violence. I do agree though that it IS possible for children to outlive and overcome their suffering. I think love plays a key role in this. This can be love from a family member, close friend, or finding love from above.

i, too, find the quote to be sad but true. i also think that if a child is given HOPE, whether in the form of a loving childhood, or a chance at something else, then the resilience is much more effective. we've all been through bad things, and i truly believe you can't compare them to each other (my experience was worse than yours, etc.). you can't compare pain...however, you DO learn empathy - which i think is critical to adjusting to your own transformational experiences.

why do some children adjust and some don't? it is so sad. just as viktor frankl alluded to, in man's search for meaning, it is the human spirit and how you live it that informs your life. i truly believe that ishmael HAS that sense of hope, meaning, and i am so grateful to him for writing this - and inspiring others.

I scanned the information to join.I scanned the book cover. I immediately thought it was a stick on his shoulder for carrying things.Not realizing it was a gun until I started reading conversation.That is so telling about my small suburban world.

I see the answer as a two-part answer: that yes, every child has the resilience to outlive their sufferings, but this is the second part, or the catch: they must have the opportunity.

To be plucked from one's surroungins, as Ishmael was, is to be given the opportunity to live, to live again, as Ishmael was.

Though the world Ishmael tells about is not unique, the fact that we know so little about this, is sad and telling.

A person can have resilience to outlive their suffering if and only if they feel they have value as a person in this world.

Ishamel was plucked from his war by UNICEF, and it was partly through UNICEF and partly through his adopted family that Ishmael was able to survive resiliently.

Just living through hell does not necessarily speak to resilience, but having people help one another through living hell certainly, most certainly, does speak to resilience.

I have not read the book yet, but plan to soon. I am considering it as my next selection for a book club I have formed with some close friends. Seems to me to be an empowering, yet harrowing tale. I can't help to think of all those children that did not have the benefit of positive influence. I mourn for their lost little (or grand) souls.

I think Ishmael is wise beyond his years because he has experienced it first-hand. I am so glad that he wants to tell the world about it. It gives us hope, and perhaps our jails won't be so full someday!

Ishmael grew up way too fast, but never gave up his faith that he woud once again have a good life. I have seen it many times as a paramedic, the resilience of children, aand it never fails to amaze me. It is one of the reasons it makes me angry that kids say that "I have to live this way" "I have to be this way". Look at what Ishmael went through and he found a way out, and a way to make things better for other suffering the traumatic thigs he did.He is so amazing.

God BLESS you Teresa. You are very right. Soni

Children, like all humans, can make choices which bring harm or healing to their lives. Children can eventually, if given enough time, can choose to outlive their suffering. It is never easy, but it has been done and it can be done.

Hi Hillingford :) you said the key word, "can" choose, "can" be done etc...

Not, "will".

Good points.!

I have always believed that one of the ways the human spirit can heal itself is to reach out to others, which is exactly what Ishmael Beah has done by writing his book. He has given a face and name to the child soldier allowing us to peek inside and see the humanity there. He has given us all the insight of having walked in his shoes and coming out triumphant on the other side of his personal tragedy; changed, but not broken.

The older we get, the more education and life experiences we have to place new the experiences into context. Without the context, the quality of water/food, healthcare, transportation, government, etc., will all seem normal; as we have no other way of looking at it. I believe that suffering, also fits into this category. If you, and all around you, suffer since your birth, then the suffering becomes normal. Only those with the education and exposure to other ways of living can see the difference. As children grow, so do their experiences, thus giving them the context and perspective to understand and change the world around them...if given a chance. Without a chance for education or positive life experience, a child remains repressed; as many unfortunately do, the world over.

That statement resonates with me; young people are exceptionally resilient, in my experience. I also appreciate the hope and promise inherent in the idea that young people can overcome life's circumstances because it's in their nature to do so.

I'm looking forward to reading the book! As an avid online reader, I'd also like to recommend another author, L B Gschwandtner. Her web site has stories of women who, like the youth cited by Mr. Beah, are rising above. http://www.thenovelette.com

Growing up myself in the "ghetto" of Detroit, raised by a Aunt who had 8 of her sister and brothers children. I remember many times wondering why this type of life was forced on us. You can at times doubt the exsistance of "God" when you see others with their families. But what I went though doesn't compare with what this young man was forced to live. He and so many children in Africa are forced to do things that adults would refuse to do. They are sold into forms of slavery and denied the right to go to school. The right to just be a child is taken away from them. The adults that use these kid's and don't allow them to dream, and use their imagination. Being a little boy you create stories of Flying Spaceships and The Power Rangers making you a hero. He had to be a hero just to survive, and to be able to come out on the other side "whole". I Thank God for his blessings, but I still cry for the thousands of others that are still caught up in this Hell!

I finished "A Long Way Gone" just minutes ago. And as I sit in my comfortable apartment on a lazy rainy Sunday afternoon, comparing my 41 years to Mr. Beah's first 16, I am alternately grateful that my life has not been so eventful, and ashamed that I have taken so much for granted. Most of all, through reading his story, I am happy that he was able to escape, rehabilitate his life, and share his experiences with all of us. No memoir has ever moved me so personally or with such immediacy to care so deeply for a person I am unlikely to ever meet. But I find myself hoping that Mr. Beah's life is filled with only joy and laughter and love.

While recognizing Mr. Beah's strength of character as being central to his ongoing recovery, I am humbled and in awe of the extraordinary people who helped him along the way. Esther, Leslie, and the staff of Benin Home demonstrated such commitment, patience, and loving devotion to all of their charges. Each one of us owe them a debt of gratitude, not just for helping a traumatized and battered boy regain a measure of his childhood, but for setting an example of what is the best and most true of our shared human spirit.

Mr. Beah is correct that "children have the resilience to outlive their sufferings, if given a chance." But I believe he would join me in acknowledging that for lack of people like those at Benin Home, like his uncle and his family who welcomed him with love and acceptance, like Laura Simms who took in this lost boy from the other side of the globe and helped to teach him was family was again, he would not have had that chance. I wish every blessing for Mr. Beah's life, and for all those who helped him, the true heroes of his story.

I have not read Ishmael's book, but I am fascinated by the comments on here, and I plan to do so soon.
I think, when it comes to children, especially children who live through and experience war, they tend to grow up way too soon. They learn to shoulder responsibilities they should not have to, but as so many have stated, that tends to make them much stronger adults.
I have also written a book of a child who survived a war. It is titled MY DEAR PHEBE and it centers around a 10-year-old girl, Phebe Irvine, who lived in Sault Ste. Marie, MI during the Civil War. It is based on actual letters Phebe exchanged with her uncle, who lived in Gettysburg, PA, where they saw battles. Phebe was not near any battles, but the book shows how everyone was touched by that war in one way or another.
Phebe Irvine was my great-grandfather's mother-in-law (by his second marriage).
Many teachers have written to tell me how they have used MY DEAR PHEBE in their classrooms to get the kids to open up about the fears they have today over the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Middle East, etc.
I hope some of you will be encouraged to check out MY DEAR PHEBE as well. It is available on Amazon.com (and many other online stores). To read an excerpt from the book go to http://janetesmithstarbooks.tripod.com
Have a safe and pleasant day.

I must admit that I have looked at the resilience of children from the inside of a box, never really giving it much thought. All these years I saw stories on the news and in the paper with out really taking it to heart that these things were happening to real people/kids.
I hope that this book makes it into more peoples' lives so that they too will be moved and educated.

The wonderful thing about this book, it seemed the first time I saw it, to be a book I had to read. I was drawn to it and now I wonder what I am supposed to do with what I learned.
Don

Children are born innocent and depending on their imagination and gene pool, develop as a result of their experiences. Yes, they do have resilience, compared to some adults who have failed too many times and have forgotten all the dreams they once held.
But resilience is not owned solely by children. Resilience is a strength that comes from within. Sometimes it is attained from an unwavering belief in G-D, knowing that we are all children of a heavenly father who has total control of results in our lives.
Inner strength comes from so many sources, as varied as the people who embody them. Anger is a powerful tool. Probably, any emotion strong enough to feed us with abilities of empowerment will suffice.
This is a special season, of Passover and Easter and maybe more that I am ignorant of. Whichever you celebrate, I wish you a beautiful season of redemption and inner peace that will buoy you throughout the next 12 months and enable you to spread peace, love and serenity to all you encounter.

you're so brave!!
What a guy!!!!!!!!
26 and what?? is it GOD?? , yes it is, but most important is you!!
took the decision to do it ... and you man, did it !! everything, at this moment you and only you have a book on every Starbucks cofee store around the world ..... how many are those??? 6.000 maybe more ....
you touched me and touched my heart, for any strange reason I gave money to UNICEF and I would like to give more money to guys like you there in your country,
is there a better way to help with?
Carlos Vargas

I have just finished reading Ishmael's book and was extremely touched by it. It is truly an inspirational book that makes you want to reach out and do something to help the situation. It was so much deeper than just a retelling of "war stories". It was a testamonial of what humans are capable of in any situation when faced with their own survival. It also shows that hope is not lost. I am very impressed with how successful Ishmael has become. I wish him the best of luck!!

Hello. My name is Jesi Bendtsen. I am from Minnesota. Recently I started my own nonprofit organization called AFRiCA AWARE. This organization focuses on educating people about the mass atrocities going on in East Africa. Eventually, when those such as Darfur and Uganda are solved, we will probably focus on another area that deserves attention. However, i am writing today because I am wondering if any of you know how to contact Ishmael directly? I would love to apprentice or intern under him. i think what he is doing is wonderful and i would very much like to help out in any way possible. Thanks so much!