Of Inadequate Conversations

The sky is the limit, Corina. Take a fresh approach to life and enjoy the company of "adult" friends.

Actually, you sound intuitive and straightforewardly refreshing. I'm sure you're quite entertaining as I too, have a habit of talking too much as an introverted extrovert and people can find it quite compelling so no need to worry my dear. Just learn how to listen and learn ( I'm talking to the mirror as well )

Outside my professional arena, where I can be very outspoken in the role of patient advocate, I am quite shy and am almost always a listener. I find I am pretty much the same even here.

Hey, Corina, I thought we had a great time! I would have stayed longer, but my butt cannot abide a wooden chair! And I believe your conversational skills are just fine! I thought you were very interesting before we met, and you certainly did not disappoint!

You need to slowly (emphasizing slowly) cut the cord with your youngest. She's 16! Mine is chomping at the bit to live her own life. And start doing what YOU want to do. Hard to do, I know. When you have people (kids, husband) depending on you as an anchor in their life, it's hard to find your own voice. *hint hint* take that writing class....

I think one of the more difficult things about being introverted is that it's difficult to accurately gauge the effect we have on other people -- we tend to second-guess ourselves after the fact. I am trying to make a deliberate effort to read my companion's signals; usually, he or she really isn't bored, and there is a reason why I'm doing the talking. I know I'm not a conversation-monopolizer, and I doubt you are, either.

But if we ever meet and you finish a sentence for me, I'll pretty much have to kill you. :-)

I am listening.

I have to say that you have created a great article!

If you have your 'grownup conversations' the way you wrote this article, you'll do fine.

Corrina, are you still doing your training, or is that over and you're now doing the hotline? If it is still going on maybe you could test the waters with one or two people who are also doing the training to see if they'd like to go out for tea or coffee sometime, or something like that. I have a similar issue as I am wanting to meet some new people who live locally and make friends.
It sounds to me like you are very aware of your situation. You just need to think about ways that you like to meet people and then try some of them out. Good luck!

Wow! People read this!

Thank you all for your comments. I do appreciate the words of wisdom from you all.

I am trying. I am a good listener. I know that.

Audrey, I am in the training for just this one more week then I am on the line. I have had some decent conversations with some of the other trainees so I know I can do it. Funny thing is that I see the conversation-mongers in there. One woman is about my age and is a social worker and a real talker. I can only take her in small doses, otherwise she might be a good friend.

Joanne, I had a super time with you. Next time YOU do the talking. I actually have lots of questions for you!

Wilhelmine, you got it on target! So much to say to so few people and so seldom equals us wanting to say it all on the rare occasion that we get a listener!

James, I think you're right, too. I have just one daughter living with me and she is 16. I have her for one more year then she graduates and will, hopefully get to go off to school, which is what she wants. So I am sort of getting a preview of the empty nest syndrome. She is not home a lot and when she is, she is pretty much in her room and not talking to me. Although she sometimes surprises me!

David, I will be sure not to ever end your sentence. Then again, maybe next time I am feeling suicidal, maybe I will look you up and finish a few of your sentences! Actually, I tend to do it mostly with people that are not good at getting their thoughts out and I get impatient so I finish what they are saying. And usually right on target!

I understand all to well what you mean. I hope that things get better for you.

Corina,

I had to smile at this only because I am the same way. I think you can call me an introextrovert . . . I am such a homebody but when I go out and meet new people and travel, OH, forget it, I am someone completely different. I just seriously like to be home but also enjoy doing artistic/cultural things and like you, am a blabbermouth when I start talking, forget it and for the same reasons, my son is 7. I live alone - I like being alone, I dont know if that is good or bad and thank goodness my son is on my level, or I am on his? I do understand and see nothing wrong with it but for me? Just joining something as simple as a Writers Group here where there were people who were very shy, has made all the difference in the world. I feel that you converse just fine, are highly intelligent and have immense life experience. That alone is worth a million ---> the school of life.

Corina, I think this is something all Mom's go through, before I went back to work in my forties, I used to scream for adult conversation. I still need it, finding it here, except for my sons who are 52,54 and 56,(adults to be sure) they are my conversationalists. You will be fine, give yourself a break. Take care of yourself Corina,

Susan, I tend to be shy but can really talk. Sounds like a contradiction but I think the difference is that I am shy but when I think I am in my element, or that I am on solid ground, you cannot shut me up. I used to be the MC for our PTA annual awards and with a microphone in my hand, it was hard for me to stop talking. I loved it. I also was a teacher for some time and loved to talk and talk to my students. They loved hearing my stories. When I was a teacher trainer, I used to put on staff development presentations for large groups and I did just fine. I knew my material and had all the examples and I did a great job. The place I used to work for kept getting requests for me. So yes, I'm shy, but I can talk a blue streak, too!

Elsie, sometimes my 16 year old starts talking and we have wonderful conversations. When my son was in college, I used to drive him back when he came home for vacations and we'd spend the 6 hours talking all the way. He'd tell me about his classes and teachers and his friends and then about some of his plans. It was such a treat to spend that time alone with him, listening to his dreams and his thoughts. My middle daughter and I are taking a long drive in three weeks so I am hoping that we'll get to spend some of that time talking. She is the one that shares the least with me.

I think you're probably a better conversationalist than your realize!

I am basically very shy. But, if I'm in a group of people I don't know very well, all it takes is for one person to start a conversation with me and I become "Chatty Kathy"! I don't think I monopolize the conversation, but I do tend to rattle on. When we are at home most of the time raising little ones, we do tend to loose our ability to converse with other adults in what we think is "adult discussions", but it's part of the phases we go through in life. Hang in there. As long as you have a writing voice, you know you have the verbal capacity to back it up! Good luck!