"My Home Depot Card", A Song Parody

My Home Depot Card
(A Song Parody by J. Golden)
Sung to the tune of "My Eyes Adored You", with apologies to Frankie Valli.

My Home Depot card,
I keep posting here on Gather to get
A Home Depot card,
Like a million points away from me I couldn't earn
The Home Depot card,
So close, yet so many points away.

Paint's peeling off my house,
There are holes you can stick your hand through:
Leaky windows, missing panes,
Century from new.
Walking, joists creak and groan, through outside walls, hear winds moan,
Till the heating bill makes you ill;
We're gonna need a loan.

My Home Depot card,
I keep posting here on Gather just to get
A Home Depot card,
Like a million points away from me I just can't earn
That Home Depot card,
So close, but still many points away.

Had to replace the lights,
Put in new wiring and plumbing, too,
Plastic covers all the windows but,
In Winter, I turn blue.
I won't let friends inside, no relatives find welcome here,
There's no place to sit without tools on it,
And dust drifts into the beer.

The Home Depot card,
I keep posting stupid shit to get closer to
My Home Depot card,
It's too many points away from me I just can't earn
That Home Depot card,
So close, and too many points away.

All my life I will remember the envisioned splendor
Of the house repaired
Now I've given up on this fixer-up
'Cause my bank account's too bare.

That Home Depot card,
I give up on posting just to get that mythic
Home Depot card,
It's too much work anyway so just forget the stupid
Home Depot card,
My dump will have to stay this way.