Why!!! would she do that?!

Holy cow.
That is a truly frightening story.

When I told my husband about it his immediate reaction was "single mother"

Since I was one for about 18 years before I met him, I was rather inclined to take offence... I can't IMAGINE doing that!

It would be comforting to say she's going to reap what she's sowing--but the problem is, so are the rest of us. eep. Flit, if you're a member of Bear Witness, would you mind posting this there?

Gee, that is sad. First he pushes in front of you without a word and then gets to buy something they can't afford! That mom is going to have her hands full of problems. Guess she already does.

I joined and posted it, Lydia ...thanks

I would say she does... and it's only going to get worse!

Not surprising in the least to me. As a middle aged single guy that has dated a lot of single mothers, this is not uncommon. Many try to be their kids friends, instead of mothers, and totally abdicate the parental role.

She may be trying to buy his goodwill while still maintaining a shred of her own authority. It would be interesting to find out what his reaction was to her scolding.

Becuse she could end up being afraid of him; another two or three years and she may become a Battered Mother, even less likely to seek help than a Battered Wife because she feels that if it's her child, she HAS to love him. A ten-year-old sociopath/solipsist is one of the nastiest things in the world to have to deal with.

I am a firm believer in corporal punishment (and capital punishment, for that matter), which always suprises hell out of everybody who thinks that because I'm a political liberal -- and in most things, a social liberal -- that I must be into the whole complex of Aquarian/New Age/Summer of Love crap. I was in the SF Bay area in the late '60s; I saw what self-destructive naivete and what Jerry Garcia used to call "drag energy" did to a promising new socioeconomic system, and how it fostered a culture of "Whatever, man; it's your trip...", almost completely devoid of personal responsibilty. Three decades later, when my son was in elementary school, I saw what the "self-esteem above grades" movement did to some of his schoolmates (how much self-esteem can one derive from being illiterate?). And I see constantly now children running roughshod over their parents because the parents, having given up the use of real punishment, had nothing with which to discipline their children. Anybody who can't tell the difference between spanking and child abuse has no business having a child to begin with. But "stop that, or you can only watch five hours of TV tonight instead of six" is hardly a valid disciplinary tool. You don't spank a child for leaving the butter out of the refrigerator or calling his sister a "poopyhead"; you spank a child for wanton, intentional cruelty or destruction. Most children won't need it; some need it one or twice in their lives to understand just what the nature of their transgression was. Those who need it more often need a shrink. This kid found that he could get away with selfish, antisocial behavior without being punished for it, probably in very minor ways at first, but has learned to play his mother and will probably be terrorizing the family in another three or for years.

It should required a license to become a parent.

no idea if she was actually a single mom .... but I couldn't really argue either way so I just didn't go there with hubby ... I'd probably lose

You go, Pete. Well said.
If I can be blackly humorous about this, maybe if they don't have food, natural selection will take its course and remove this kid from the gene pool.

I shudder everytime I hear stories like that.

I'm a single mother and I take offense to the idea that a single mother needs to be a child's friend. My daughters father who is basically absent and spending time with his girlfriend trys to be her friend. He laughs at how it's more fun to be with him and how I make her go to bed, and clean her room, and do her homework, and play piano, etc. etc. etc. and that he gets to be the fun one and I see that happen a lot too. Just because someone is a single mother doesn't mean that she isn't a good mother and a disciplinarian.

I agree with you wurdzgurl! I wasn't too thrilled with hubby for jumping to that conclusion

It reminded me of a conversation I once had with a police officer .... might have to write an article about that one o' these days!

because she wanted to make him feel bad for her martydom

You know I was in Wal-Mart with my son the other day. He pushed his way to the front of the line as he'd been taught.

Of course the game that we'd picked out, him only being eight and all, was expensive and contained graphic violence. The woman behind us rolled her eyes but said nothing.

The clerk was embarrassed by our behavior and went thru the process quickly. As planned my son only had a partial amount. So when it came time to pay the rest I pulled out the remaining counterfeited twenties and thrust them forward.

On the way out we had to do the mandatory no food, gas, or lodging speech. It only takes three minutes but it's a pain. My son has been instructed to backtalk, does, and we return the item just purchased for a full refund.

It's a tough scam but someone has to do it.

What a great idea Chris! I wish I'd have known that one a few years ago w/my son!! My daughter hassn't caught the budge in line tactic yet...she knows it would give me a migraine....and that "would not" be so great for her..considering..

That is sad : (

Maybe the woman was afraid the child would cause a scene and embarass the hell out of her in the middle of the store. She should have took a stance.

I think that 'afraid' is the key word... whether she was afraid of a scene, afraid that the kid wouldn't like her, afraid to make a decision ....

parents are supposed to be afraid FOR their children sometimes - but never OF, I think.

Did I mention here that I think I'm going to try to use this as the basis for a short story? Don't see it ... must have been elsewhere... but anyway - thought I would give it a go - from one of the children's perspectives. Just haven't decided whether to write it from the boy's, or from one of the other kids. Leaning toward the latter, I think.

Maybe she was afraid that the kid would throw a tantrum if she said no.
Instead of being humiliated, she avoided conflict and gave him his way.

I have a lot of friends that are single moms and they are just too tired to deal
with temper tantrums.
Kinda feel sorry for them.

I think the problem goes back to before they got to the cash. That there were apparently no expectations clarified when they got into the store, for starters!

If kid is walking into Wal-mart with $$, wouldn't you as a parent have a clue how much $$? And if you didn't know, wouldn't you ask?

When he says what he wants ... you look at 1/ whether it's appropriate and 2/ whether he has enough money.

This story really bothers me. I find the relationship between parents and children very disturbing these days. And I agree with Pete- you should need a licence to have a child. I've seen what adoptive parents have to go through before being allowed to have a child. I know it's not practical, but I think all people should have to go through that.

It is a disturbing parent-child relationship. It is not going to boost the child's self-esteem in the long run. Mother may have misconstrued the cashier's objection as a slight to child's assertiveness in public and must have impulsively chosen to override it.

Junk food doesn't have to be cooked. It usually doesnlt required plates and utensils. Not having to cook it means not having to clean the dirty pans and dishes and forks in the sink. Brightly colored packaging with happy playtime favorites like Ronald McDonald and the Incredible Hulk means that kids will eat it without being threatened with dire punishments. Vegetables taste like vegetables; they don't taste like dessert, and without proper cooking (i.e., not overcooking, oversalting, etc.) they don't taste much like anything. Junk food doesn't require action or thought in the kitchen, two things that might make one late for the reruns of "Jerry Springer Show" that one is obligated to watch. Junk food relieves parents of the responsibility for feeding their kids.

I'm one of the best cooks I know. But I don't cook at home much because it requires that I actually go out and search for the best ingredients I can find, and that I spend time and though in the kitchen. My hungry family, neither of them in any danger of starvation, won't wait until 8:30 for dinner. But takeout doesn't have to be fast food, and grilled chicken from El Pollo Muerto with coleslaw and beans is a hell of a lot better for you than Big Macs and fries.

Disturbing to be sure...

I used to repair video games. I saw a kid flopping on the ground once, begging his grandmother for a quarter to play Centipede. I hated that job. Kid's quarters begged from grandma paid my rent. Where did that come from?

I am sure the mother's actions are far more common nowadays than we would like to think.

More stuff to be asked for, and attempts to discipline a kid are easily seen as abuse.

My kids try to psychologically torture me constantly over random things like this. It doesn't work on me, but the sheer volume plus my noise-sensitive migraines does wonderfully unpleasant things to my stress level. Aren't kids fun?

Can I go back to the single mother comment? I have to very much disagree. I was a single mother. I did NOT and would never sacrifice the families well being as a whole for a video game. I may not have been a perfect mom but I tell you I was well prepared. And something like what was described was NOT a luxury we could afford to remain solvent and uncomprimised.

I think the problem is for parents on the whole. Overworked and exhausted and in a misguided attempt to "prove" their love they try to buy it with excess. But love takes time. And love takes effort. As a culture we need to truly evaulate the importance of our families. Single parented or not.

I am not saying she was or wasn't....only that it is wrong to assume.

I second that!

Role reversal. The children are ruling the parents and the parents are letting them get away with it. No one wants to hear advice from an "old lady" and a "single mom" for 20 years, but my son knew the rules, never threw a tantrum or "meltdown" as they call it today. I never had to spank him, I just explained what was expected of him. Follow through is everything. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

There is a new book flying off the shelves at Borders called "Magic 1-2-3" by Dr. Thomas Phelan. Rules for parenting that work. Most of it incorporates the wisdom of grandma, with a modern spin. My cousin bought it for her daughter and she said that it is terrific!

P.S. I also think that the "crappy food" most families eat create havoc with their bodies and can be responsible for mood swings, allergies and obesity. I used a crock pot as a busy working mom. In just a few minutes in the morning, I assembled my meal and walked in the door to a warm meal, cooked without preservatives or additives and very easy clean up. I think that was the best appliance ever invented for working moms. And since I was poor, it saved me a lot of money too!