Seeking Advice: HIgh-Need Toddler and Sleeping

Benedryl and read to her until she sleeps...
Kidding.
I have problems getting my own to sleep when Hubby is not home. I have a 5 month old, 2 year old, and 4 year old. They stay in bed, but they play and stay awake when it is just me home to put them to sleep. When Hubby is home, we all say goodnight and they put themselves to bed (the 2 and 4 year olds) without incident. I honestly do not know what the magic of Hubby is, but it works. LOL.

I wish I had some magic trick for you, sorry I can not be of much help.

I'm jealous! Hey, do you think I could borrow your hubby for a week??

My experience with this problem would be a whole post or three...
I would advise making no real changes until the move, but have a battle plan ready to be implemented from the very first night you spend in the new place. Stick to a bedtime routine and don't deviate by reading so much as an extra book before turning off the light and leaving the room.
Expect some gawdawful screaming for the first few nights or weeks, even. Just remember: she's not hurt or truly needing anything, she's just mad at not getting her way.
My sympathies, btw; I have two "difficult" kids, luckily ten years apart. Both have AD/HD Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or as we Southerners say, they're "contrary".

Oh, Boy. You've got a lot to deal with - I checked out that link. Once we move and settle in, I may be reading it again to check that list. Thank you for the tips. I appreciate the help!

yeah..you need to just let her cry it out sometimes and have a moment for yourself. it won't hurt the child, it ins't child abuse and the last thing you want to do is habitualize the child into this behavior. It will only get worse.

Letting her cry is part of the issue. We let her do this for over a week. And she'll go for quite a while. Nearly 2 hours. The issue is that we have 2 children and her iron will is impacting the other child's ability to sleep and setting up a crummy pattern for him as well. After 8 days of this with no change in her pattern but a worsening for his, we're looking for some other ideas that might be kinder to the little one. Thank you for taking the time to comment.

well i could help you by babysitting but im a liitle ??? :)

Cool, do you babysit at 2 in the am to 6am?? :-)

Heather- I wouldn't recommend the cry-it-out method. We tried it personally and it didn't work. It really just made our daughter clingier and more scared and upset. We also live with close neighbors so we couldn't really let her cry-it-out in the middle of the night although we tried it at bedtime. She didn't start sleeping through the night until she was older either (15 months too). We tried everything -- the Dr. Phil method of transitioning out of the room, cry-it-out, etc. Finally she just seemed to grow out of it on her own (now 18 months old) and she goes to sleep on her own and naps on her own now. For self-preservation I started sleeping in her room just to get some uninterupted Zzzzzs. You can have the room dark and make it clear that mommy is not leaving and will stay right there but that it is time to lay down and go nite-nite. I just set up a little bed next to her crib. The attachment parenting thing with staying close by (touch her hand if neccessary to calm her down) to reassure her really helps. You might have to start with staying with her for naps so she doesn't associate being in her crib with no mommy. We also played with her in her crib so she wouldn't hate being in her crib and find it a scary place at night. I didn't pick up our daughter if she cried, but I would stand by her crib and give her a big hug and let her put her arms around me. I shushed her quietly and wouldn't say anything to her except repeat the same phrases over and over so she would understand it was nite nite time and that mommy was there and I would tell her to lay down. Once she calmed down a little I would tell her to lay down and I would physically pick her up and lay her down in her crib in the position she liked to sleep in the most. Then I would rub her back gently sitting next to the crib. Once she was sleepy I would lay down next to the crib where she could still kind of see me and sleep too.

I don't have another child, but I'd suggest moving him into another room and closing the door and distancing him as far as possible from where she is so he can try to keep a somewhat normal sleep cycle. If need be get him a pair of ear plugs/ear muffs or whatever and have him wear them in bed until it's time to get up. It might drown out the noise some.

Good luck -- no sleep is sooooo hard! I think it's the hardest part of being a mom. My hubby didn't help in the middle of the night either because he has to get up early for work. A saving grace was that he would take our baby when she'd wake up at the crack of dawn so I could sleep in a little later until he had to leave for work. Make sure it's his turn on the weekend (or pay a sitter if neccessary!) so you can catch up a little. It's really hard when you're living in a place where you can hear everything!

I forgot -- I didn't make eye contact or look at her directly while in the room. The idea for me was to be there, but minimize the actual attention she was getting so she would learn it wasn't play-time.

We have a HEPA air purifier in both kids' rooms for health reasons but they are also great for white noise. It might help calm the oldest and keep the youngest from hearing the oldest. We also noticed that giving our oldest his bath seemed to revive him, so we made sure that bath time was farther away from bedtime.

Our oldest was a terrible sleeper until a few months ago (he is 19 months now). Crying it out seemed to be terrible for all of us. I also read something saying that it reinforeces the idea that the kid can cry all they want, no one is going to help.

Then there's Orajel in case her teeth are bothering her.

I tried the sleep-next-to-the-crib method, but he would eventually throw his pacifier at me and then start howling because he didn't have a pacifier.

This would be a great addition to my CRAZY SLEEPERS GROUP! Could you please join up and re-post this over there? Thanks, a perfect 10.

Hi Heather!! I feel your pain!

I have a 5 year old and a 22 mo old! My 5 year old took a really long time to sleep in his bed alone. I would end up in bed with him until he fell asleep (toddler beds suck!) He finally started started staying in his bed once we got him out of the toddler bed. Those crib mattresses are awful to sleep on. Once he got a softer mattress, he was fine.

My youngest, is in the toddler bed now and I have just given up on trying to keep putting her in bed. I value sleep too too much. I find I sleep better without constantly trying to get her in bed. We were getting up every hour sometimes! I got a bigger bed and just let her get in with us... Sometimes I put her back, but she usually ends up with us.

I tried the screaming thing with Alex and got nowhere! I can't really do it now with the close neighbors. My girl is now past the SIDS stage, so I use a pillow propped up beside her to giver her that feeling of someone beside her. I think that helps.

All in all... I say don't start until you move and while you're moving, buy a big comfy cozy mattress and maybe some Tylenol PM... for you, not the child!

Good luck!