This is a rewrite of a hastely written story I published a few weeks ago based on Ed Nudelman's poem, "Billy Talbot".
Plato chases the ground hog under the deck, shoves his snout in up against the edging and claws at the earth. Oh great, I think, now we've got a ground hog burrowing at the foundation. Plato gives up excavating and throws me a curious look, as if to ask why I'm not helping. My mind is elsewhere. I'm debating whether or not to visit the parents of a dead child to offer my condolences.
Yesterday, at the house at the end of the street, a three-year-old boy fell down the stairs and broke his neck. I've never met the parents, didn't even know they had a child.
Mindy is over there now. She asked me to go, but I had a report to finish. I could go now, but I'm stuck on that word: ‘condolences'. What precisely are condolences and what do people do with them? Why would these people want mine?
I need to get rid of this ground hog, so I decide to go to Home Depot and see if they've got something that will drive him out. Plato follows me out to the car, and I open the passenger side door for him. Plato sits up in the seat like a human, but then he turns to look out the side window and slobbers on the glass. I press the button to lower his window so he can stick his head out.
Passing the house where the child died, I think about Mindy and the parents. I wonder if they are drinking coffee at the kitchen table or sitting in the living room. I can't imagine what Mindy has to say.
I can't find anybody at Home Depot to help me. I see employees here and there, but before I can get to one, they always disappear, dart around a corner or find a door to duck behind. It's as if we're playing hide and seek. Finally, I collar a woman in the paint section.
If you find the hole, she says, you can run water into it, and I tell her he hasn't dug the hole yet. We've got other holes, I say, but he's not in those. Isn't there something we can spray in there and drive him out?
You mean like a poison, she says.
Well, yeah, I guess.
Why don't you try Decon? Most rodents go for Decon.
But that will kill him, right?
I thought that's what you wanted to do.
I hadn't thought about killing him. I just wanted him out from under the deck.
When we arrive home, Mindy's waiting for us. Where have you been? she says. I tell her, and she stares at me, her eyes full of accusation. I know what she's thinking. She thinks I'm being callous. I ask her how the parents are taking it.
How do you think? She turns away from me and goes into the kitchen.
Plato lifts his ears and rushes to the sliding glass doors that lead out to the deck. He wants to go after the ground hog, but I don't care anymore. I hear Mindy pulling stuff out of the refrigerator for dinner. The faucet goes on, and I mentally see her bent over the sink, washing a handful of carrots or lettuce or something.
She's standing at the sink with her back to me when I enter, her head down and her shoulders slumped forward. I can tell she's crying. "They have pictures of him all over," she says without turning around. "On the bookshelves, on the mantle." She sniffles, stifling a sob. "He's got this big, happy smile." I put a hand on her shoulder, and she turns and sobs into my shoulder. "Pictures," she says, "you should have seen them."


Comments: 24
I never try for anything this substantial in flash fiction. I'm amazed that you succeeded so well.
Sorry.
I agree with Chris and Nancy. I liked the first version better, perhaps because it is more spontaneous, which should be a "quality" of Flash Fiction. Less is more, particularly when one is offering condolences. Often all that is needed, or wanted, is just being there or offering a shoulder to cry on. We avoid condolences, and the situations that suggest them, don't we? And most any excuse will do, write the report, get the ground hog, go to Home Depot.
Has it occurred to you that you and Plato were focused on the same thing? I can say that because I identify. Perhaps you should try a rewrite from Plato's point of view. Or maybe I should, since Plato and I think alike. And what became of the ground hog? Are condolences in order?
Thanks, friends, for your honest comments.
We do not mourn every death. We do not cringe with every tragedy. As a matter of fact, we gawk at traffic accidents as we drive by...we do so for cheap stimulation, not to share condolences. This is our nature. The first story brought that out -- IMHO that was the power of it.