He lived with passion, loved to excess, screwed up with conviction, lost with honor, and never forgot a friend. He couldn't keep a job, stay out of jail, hate anyone, or pass a person in need.
He broke my heart one minute and caught it the next, contradicting his brawny exterior with deep sorrow and feather light caresses.
His failure to manage his life didn't keep him from protecting mine. As years passed and he lived more in than out of the drugged fog, he always climbed from the hole when I needed him. I saw him at funerals, heard from him when I was sick. He carried furniture when I moved, never missed a birthday, Mother's Day, or divorce, and showed up to catch tears when I hurt.
He died before my body gave in to disability, but left his love behind to carry me. Often, as I lay struggling to adjust to my new life, his smile brightened my days. Remembering his free-spirited outlook sparked hope that I would either recover my spirit or learn to lose with honor the way he had.
Accustomed to pain and resolved to fate, I went to bed one night without giving my new symptoms a second thought. Hours later, patience exhausted and fear moving in, I considered giving up. How much willpower kept me alive, and would it all be over if I let it go?
I recognized the feather light touch immediately, and the spirit that crawled into bed beside me. The touch became a caress, followed by a full hug with an invisible shoulder to carry my weight. Somehow, I knew it would be the last time he visited. Maybe he gave everything he had left to me that night.
Maybe he knew one was enough this time.
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Comments: 48
Melissa, I hope they were good tears. There's something comforting in knowing that you know what this is like.
Stunning emotion and honesty. I had to come back to read again.
Corina, a special thank you for your comment. Throughout my life, I have heard from others that I have a way of being there when they needed, or saying just what they needed to hear. I believe it is because I have experienced most everything there is to experience, and will talk about things others often won't. My biggest wish for my writing is that it does find its way into people's hearts. Your comment gives me confidence that I am on the right track and you couldn't give me a better gift.
Feather light was a two word challenge long ago. I thought feather light had to describe something else and should be hyphenated, but left it two words because of the exercise.
Hugs, from one kindred spirit to another...
I know this was tough to write. This didn't just lightly touch me, it hit me over the head like a brick, in a way that was good. One of the hardest things to accept is, when people leave us, that they won't be there for us anymore. I needed this too.
I think you did a wonderful job with this article. Thank you for sharing it.
There is often much more to a person than what outsiders see, making the decision to leave much more complicated than those outsiders can understand. I get upset when I hear people say, "he/she doesn't love you." I think that is the absolute worst thing people do when trying to convince someone to leave. The truth usually is that those people do love one another, thdy just don't know how to do it right and that makes the relationship unhealthy.
Denying that love makes the person being criticized feel foolish and defensive. I think it is much wiser to help the person understand how to love from a distance and appreciate that love for what it was.
It is a time consuming process, but you can save them both. You have to dig deep into the soil with your spade making sure that you get underneath all of the roots. Once you have the plants dug up, you can gently and meticulously begin to unwind the two sets of roots. Once separated, you can place them a safe distance apart, and they will both grow to their potential.