Hmmm???

I know it has happened.

I just cannot seem to recall exactly when it happened.

At least once a week, I am called to the side, usually by an adult my age or older, and complemented on my 12 year-old son's manners. I now immediately understandt they are referring to his saying something like "yes ma'am, no sir, please, thank you," or they noticed him helping someone he doesn't know who had been struggling under the weight of shopping bags, opening doors for others, especially adults, allowing others to proceed in line before him...etc. Perhaps your children do the same. However, I, and those who stop and comment on my son's behavior, have noticed these actions, which were once the norm, is now the exception and not the rule. It seems the rules have changed and I am "out of sync with the times" when I cringe upon hearing a child answer their parent or another adult with, "huh," "what," "yeah," .....and when one does that little head bobble-shoulder move thing in defiance....

As I say, I know it has happened.

This change in expectations we have of our children's behavior has occurred.

Will someone please remind me when and why it occurred?

Comments: 14

Melissa The Pirate Princess is still alive! Mar 9, 2007, 10:48am EST

I don't know when or why it happened. It was the same thing when my children were growing up. I was always complimented for their polite behavior.

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Robb F. Mar 9, 2007, 11:30am EST

Congratulations! It reflects on you.

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Kay F. Mar 9, 2007, 11:39am EST

Robb, we get compliments on my granddaughter all the time and she is only 5 yrs old. At her great grandmother's funeral in Feb. she would bring Kleenex to anyone crying and tell them it was all right, Nannie was in heaven. She would ask them if they would like to go around and look at all the pretty flowers and she would take them by the hand and take them all around to see the flowers. Half these people she didn't even know, but she knew they were hurting. She is the kindest child and has the most gentle heart you have ever seen. I you look at my pictures she is the one in the Georgia Bulldog cheerleading outfit. Her name is Alexis. She never meets a stranger and always wants to help people. I think parents are really messing up if they don't start teaching children this at a young age. We are ending up now with very uncareing teenagers who will one day be very uncareing rude adults. They are not all that way but a lot are and it starts in the home.

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Robb F. Mar 9, 2007, 1:02pm EST

Kay, I compliment you on such a charming young grand-daughter. I also agree that the training begins at home. However, as I look around (and as I imply in an underhanded sort of way in my post) I think a generation has already slipped and a generation of "rude teenagers" has already grown and having children on their own. As these kids grow, their parents are clueless as to why their children have no respect for them or others.

Let me also say, before I get into hot water for making such a blanket statement, I know some who have grown to be very obnoxious young adults and teenagers, yet I witnessed their parents try over and over again, but for some reason it just wouldn't "take."

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Mariana T. Mar 9, 2007, 10:42pm EST

Robb, you're a good parent as most folks are who teach their children. Really, I'm sure when he was three you taught him to say please, thank you, excuse me and to be helpful to others. I am appalled by the manners of kids these days - totally appalled. Kay F. your granddaughter sounds like a beautiful and gracious child - you're right about teaching them when they're young. Thanks Robb, good article and maybe one that will remind folks that it's the parents job to begin the process of teaching respect! Salud.

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Robb F. Mar 9, 2007, 11:37pm EST

Thank you Ms. M., You are correct. I did. I actually say sir and ma'am to people of all ages....respect, habit, and to demonstrate how much nicer it sounds.

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Kay F. Mar 10, 2007, 12:17am EST

I am 60yrs old but I still say yes ma'am and no sir to folks older than me. I feel it is being respectful to them. My step-father was 81 yrs old when he died last month and I would never have been disrespectful to him and just answered him with "what" or "no" he deserved more dignity than that.

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Robb F. Mar 10, 2007, 1:56am EST

I was taught the same exact way and at this point in my life, not only does it come natural, it 'feels" natural. To hear someone speak otherwise is worse than fingernails across a chalk board. Thanks for stopping by.............

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Debra H. Mar 10, 2007, 5:08pm EST

It's good to see a well behaved and mannered child such a rare find now a days

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Robb F. Mar 10, 2007, 6:11pm EST

Don't you wish they did not stand out in the crowd....and it was the ill-behaved and ill-mannered ones that were "different"?

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Stephanie, proud Maw-Maw to my 2 granddaughters, G Mar 12, 2007, 10:18pm EDT

All of my children have respect for others and use thier manners. In fact, my youngest child takes it to the next limit and tells me that she has used her manners.
Kids these days, not all, but most have no respect for authority much less manners and the parents allow such behavior to go on. In fact, I still use my manners, yes ma'am, no sir in public and I am asked if I had military parents that I am so well trained.
I just tell them no, I was raised by my mom, 10 x worse than any military parent could possible be.

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Robb F. Mar 13, 2007, 12:44am EDT

Stephanie,
I am happy to hear your children have respect for others...........and sorry to hear that your mother was beyond Commander-In-Chief.

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Kathryn E. Jan 14, 2009, 5:16am EST

My daughter, who is graduating high school this year, mentioned that there is a wonderful kid from Louisiana in her class, and that he is the only one who says: Yes, Ma'am, to the teachers....I had a friend from Texas a few years ago who was here for a few years - we don't see true manners up in the North much like those in the South....

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Robb F. Jan 20, 2009, 7:59pm EST

Kathryn,
That's interesting. In times past I had heard that these ways of showing respect were more typical of the South, but I had never really believed that the geographical disparity was that great.

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Comments: 14

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