Inspiration toward Writing

We look up to certain people in the industry, and whether we know it or not, we actually befriend them as well. They hold a unique expression that we can actually inherit or discover it was within us the entire life behind that day we first discover these people, which is partly why we admire them, but also for the respect they have and the responsibilities. Two people who I felt impacted me to believe in myself include an author and a director.

 Expression is a great strength for a person to rely on all their life. Without it, we can become isolated from that mysterious other realm that exists for other people, where something is always happening for them to grow with and have some sense of decency and self admiration at times, and they converse freely with no self doubt or worries about the future. For me, I didn't have that during an abusive relationship, which followed some suspicions I had about people - for one thing because I didn't rely enough on my expression, or was even able to with the worries about the future and plenty of self doubt. This is why we look up to certain people that may resemble who we believe we are deep down, the side of us that wants to express itself, and may.

Before I came to an idea for writing, I had been in and out of mental hospitals after three psychoses. The first one was drug related at the same time I experienced fear in facing how much of the world I didn't know or understand - I kept thinking I wouldn't survive, and was very secretive about it as I am used to being. The next two psychoses came much later for certain reasons which at first I explained, but I deleted it. The world seemed unreal to me. I became restless, but my recovery in the hospital was fast. I had studied numerous things which also led me to write. I feel I am getting by okay, though I'm a little more sensitive to nicotine and caffeine. I still smoke and drink coffee because I have an addiction to it and I don't want the withdrawal. Also there are times where they actually help me to feel secure. Did you know nicotine was a stimulant? 

I guess I'm in the position to say that there isn't anything wrong with our personality when we go to a mental hospital, as some like to believe. They just need the help of old friends to reconnect with how they felt before, in my opinion. As I've read recently, a person could also still benefit from time to themselves, if it's a case where there was too much interaction with too many people.

Michael Cunningham writes with a certain masculinity toward beauty, artistry, and intimacy. His work is relevant and meaningful. He strives to better himself, and I see that he is overlooked. But he is a New Yorker, and we understand how strong-minded New Yorkers are. He wrote The Hours, which I thought was best represented in film, though I loved his book as well, a first for me to see the present tense. Also I have been reading and studying Specimen Days, and the descriptions connect you to the characters' attitudes through the scenes. The Hours influenced my story as well as some movies.

Another author I was reading before I decided to write is James Baldwin. For many of us, we don't see that writing a whole novel is possible. While I wrote it, I wanted to be honest and reconnect with who I had been. Baldwin wrote Another Country and Sonny's Blues, two that I've read so far by him. Also from NYC, Baldwin writes of many situations pertaining to African Americans, and other people, who go through different life trials. 

Fuqua, with his film Training Day, influenced me in many good ways. The commentary from Training Day shows how responsible, gifted - I guess fatherly would also be a word - he is, but in ways he is like me, and watching this movie was a dawning moment for me to realize there were actually people in the world like me. So here was someone of the world who I took time to connect with, taking inspiration from a very warm heart and the same approach I often have, like it's sometimes hard for us to share what's on our mind, and there's always some Saturnine influence to get in the way of that feeling we want, and this feeling leads us to people who are more like us. He has a stronger reinforcement of his morality and values that I admire and sometimes want to feel the same way. I don't know what the message of the movie was other than to show how ruthless some people can be, and I just felt connected to the characters in a whole new way, as though these actors were no different than me, which led me to think I could be doing something with improving my life. But I didn't yet know it was writing.

When we write a story, it's a lot like directing. You have your own camera angle throughout the entire work, which changes sometimes, at other times stays the same, the more you read it. So writing is therapeutic the more you interact with your work as a director and writer. You'll find you are doing something more productive with your time than the regular day-to-day job and routine. I can't decide which comes first. The mind's eye brings your story forth, so I think directing, as in film, comes first to your writing.

God and my people also brought me to write. I'm no fanatic, I simply believe in a creator. And I won't push my beliefs in God on you if you don't believe in a higher power, because I used to not believe, and eventually you may. My own life given to me is my greatest inspiration.

So what inspired your writing?