9:03 a.m. CST
This just in:
A Minneapolis woman reports having been awakened early this morning by a loud retching noise emanating from her feline bed companion. A panicky attempt to eject the offending creature from her perch before she could spatter the relatively new, camel-colored faux suede comforter was unsuccessful, and concluded with the unfortunate victim's hand engulfed in tuna 'n salmon-scented effluvia.
"It all happened so fast," a sobbing Ms. Smedley exclaimed from her laundry room. "I tried, but the cat was determined and simply refused to budge! I just didn't have enough time to avoid the calamity". When asked how she intends to prevent this abhorrent situation from recurring, the victim replied "This is an absolutely disgusting way to be woken up on a weekend! I've filed a victim impact statement with the kitty court administrator and requested a public apology from the offender, but none has been forthcoming. It's a terribly frustrating situation, I just want to alert others to this travesty so no one else will be victimized the way I was".
Reporter calls to the accused feline "Cleo" were not returned, but the investigation into the cause of the feline barfing incident continues.
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The accused and her sister in happier times, at the scene of the crime.