Our daughter is now 18 and had dated the same boy for 2 years. About 6 months ago they broke up and she is now getting back into dating. This evening she informed her father and I that she was going to the movies with a boy, who was coming to pick her up. I informed her that he would come in and introduce himself before they left. She freaked.
She begged me not to, but I stood my ground. I said there is no reason he can't take 2 minutes to get out of his car and meet your parents. You would have thought I set her in front of a firing squad!
Ok I will admit that the first time we met her first boyfriend my husband was cleaning a rifle. Come on..it was funny! Beth didn't think so and apparently the wuss of an ex-boyfriend didn't "appreciate" it. Oh fricken well I say.
So any-hoo I told Beth this was not a request. The young man would come to the door. Which he did.
He looked like a deer in the head lights and Beth gave us both the "stare" which said "DON'T embarrass me!" My husband and I introduced ourselves, I asked where they were going and when my daughter would be home. My husband wearing his Army ACU's stared at the boy, while he and Beth squirmed. I then said "Have fun, drive safe." And then they were out the door in a flash. My husband and I laughed after the door was shut... but hey, that's our right as parents!
So I ask you, were we wrong to expect this of a boy who is taking our daughter out? I say even though Beth is mortified, she will thank me later(maybe not until she has a daughter) for insisting that she be respected. Because to me, ultimately that is what this was all about.
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Comments: 34
My son brought home a friend two days in the same week. I invited him to stay for supper both days. I asked him if he needed to call his mother. His reply was "I have a cell phone, she'll call me if she wants to find me." I finally took the boy home about 10 PM and as far as I know he never spoke to his mother about his whereabouts from the time he arrived at my house right after school until I took him home. This child is in the seventh grade.
Last week, my son went to his house after school. He called to tell me where he was. He called back several hours later and wanted to go out somewhere with this boy. He was amazed when I said no. I told him that he was not going to go riding around with someone I had never met or spoken to and that I did not approve of the way she looked after her own son and therefore could not expect her to exercise due diligence in looking after someone else's child.
Funny thing was my son bought my explanation and did not argue.
I think that given some of the recent murders, your daughter should understand why you want to know who he is. Maybe you should pull some articles off the Internet and show her why you want to know who he is with.
Some things never change
On the other hand, she knows I come from a long line of people who grill people who come to the door. My dad was the same way.
Should common courtesy ever become "un-fashionable"?
Even though I am not a parent, it seems to me that we're doing the world a disservice, every time we allow yet another element of what was once "common courtesy" to slide away into the mists of yesteryear. It seems to me there might also be a "fringe benefit" here (although your daughter might question whether it's "beneficial"), which might be that she might think just a whisker more about who she goes out with, since they have to be subjected to "parent inspection." I know that certainly applied to me, when I was growing up.... I did NOT want to date someone "I'd have to hear about, forever," which included the chick with all the tattoos and the (partially) purple hair.
I say great to OLD FASHION VALUES..
We need more of them..
It all worked out in the end. My mom is just concerned like any other mother, and she ended up not being as frigtening as he had thought was we were pulling out of the driveway. We only dated for a while (he was a TOTAL whackjob) but Im still happy that my mom continues to stay involved with my life.
Yes, perhaps my dad accomplished what they intended: for me to not date or at least date guys who aren't scared away by this. But I felt traumatized, and it impacted my relationship with the opposite sex until just a few years ago.
I do agree that parents should have the opportunity to meet the people there children are hanging around with. But I take exception to using the experience in any way that could humiliate a child or cause them to lose their trust in you as someone who should be taking care of them emotionally. I do really like how WM handled the son's issue: "I told him that he was not going to go riding around with someone I had never met or spoken to and that I did not approve of the way she looked after her own son and therefore could not expect her to exercise due diligence in looking after someone else's child." I think that's straightforward and fair, while still showing WH cares.
But that's just my two cents. Parenting is hard Mandy. Glad it's you instead of me. ; )
And now that she is almost 19, the hardest part is over... I did my job and the rest is up to her ;-)
"PM" Thank you!
And "Michael T" Imma kick your ass when I see you.
Laugh it up.