Going for a Walk

{{{flit}}}

Sure hope things got taken care of so you don't have to contend with them there. I'm sure it must be difficult for you especially since you were the one who did most of the work looking after your mother in law.

It's amazing how much their mother's things mean to them now that she's gone. Seems like the memories of time spent would be more cherished than meager "things". Aren't people strange?

It amuses me that one of them could not possibly miss her Friday evening activity to watch her mom - or to be here with her that last evening.

But she's could miss it to go away 'for a break' last weekend. And again this week, to come here and clear out ~stuff~

Apparently now it's not so important.

good lord...you were right.. vultures they are

I had a similar experience at Christmas when my Dad died. Well, kind of, but it was very sad to get in the realm of what you speak of.

It's been a real eye-opener in sorting through things that he never shared with us. I did it mostly to help my Mom so that she wouldn't be alone in doing it. There were sides to him that I never knew. It was like peeling away the layers of an onion and finding ever more interesting things that I wished we could've discussed while he was still alive. I do miss him.

Anyway, sorry for that. It was for me really. I feel for you and am glad that what you cherish is simplicity. The reminder that you kept is probably the most precious in many ways.

Sad that people had rather have thing's more than memorie's of their "LOVED ONE'S".Probably there will still be junk for you to dispose of.

They were actually pretty good once the jewellry stuff got dealt with .... just uncomfortable having them here going through everything... they ended up being pretty darn careful about not taking anything that belongs to hubby or I ....

and they ended up giving me ma's watch - which she used to tell me I should have (but which I would never have dreamed of scooping) - I have no doubt that she probably used to tell one or another of the girls the same thing - she did have alzheimer's, after all. But it was one of her ways of telling me that she appreciated that I was taking care of her - and I will value it.

Not a lot of junk to dispose of Patricia, as back before the family really was able to accept ma's diagnosis, when she could still be left home alone, she used to put all sorts of goodies out to the road for the garbage - mostly it would get picked up by people going by ... a lot of tools and other things that hubby would have liked to have went that way before he figured it out.

Plus, we've been living here taking care of her for years.

One would think that the virtue of having little would be little to squable over. Sadly, hurt feeling still cloud the death of my grandmother, a woman who lived in a single room apartment all of her later life.

I don't know you,…

I remember leaving my grandparents house for the last time. A house in Brooklyn, amongst an influx of Hassidim and an outflow of islanders, a house with an overgrown backyard that I always imagined would be my secret garden, an attic with wrapped gifts stored up for the holidays, accumulating as a few were not given year by year, my grandfather's basement doctor's office with it's waiting room, empty for so long, still set up for drop-ins with magazines from the 1970's. My parents tagged a few pieces of furnature and boxed the silver with his financial papers and deed to a burial plot.

This was how we left Brooklyn. My grandfather was dying and we wanted him close. His wife, Sammy, was already afflicted with dementia and in a 'facility'; unpredictable and violent with a feeling of uncertainty in place and time. Around her we played the roles of long dead relatives whom I had not seen since the Passover Seders of my childhood, talking in Yiddish, singing god bless America and saying the pledge of allegiance to remind her of elementary school.

…. but we are all the same, trapped (occasionally nurtured) by the memories encased in memorabilia. You reminded me of that tired old joke…..
How can you tell if an elephant's been inside your refrigerator? By the footprints in the butter."

Flit, I hope this is all over for you soon. I know how my family would be should something happen to my Mother. They would be like vultures trying to get what they could. When people would say to Mom they didn't leave me anything from so and so's estate her favorite saying was well what did they owe you. I feel Mom raised my, fed me, and kept a roof over my head when I needed it she didn't owe me anything more. I hope you can finally move on now Friend. ((Hugs))

That will be the next big issue... ma left everything to hubby, apparently... he's supposed to decide what, if anything, the girls get

this is all so NOT FUN.

oh my darling Flit. My darling, darling Flit. I am so sorry you are going thru what I imagine had been anticipated. That is the terrible thing about the torture of watching a loved one fade lowly before your eyes. Knowing what is come and yet never being ready for it.....it is impossible. But I know I am not telling you anything you don't already know, my love.

I kind of look at it like this. When the light goes out, another light goes on....one that illuminates intentions. And it sickens you to imagine that some people think the worth is in what is left behind. But I actually feel sorry for those people. And I feel sorry no....pity for the ones wailing at the funerals.

Reason is.....because they ran out of time....and they know it......and they regret....great big fat tears of regret. So they grab and take and try and try......to prove and show something that they neglected to do before. I firmly believe that you can tell the ones who truly honored or knew that they did their best by their loved one. They don't make a show....because they show they made was to the appropriate person....at the appropriate time. And they now have something that no trinket will bring back. The peace to know that they did right by the dearly depart at the right time. When they were alive and on this Earth. I don't know if what I am typing makes any sense....but I somehow know that you will know what I am trying to convey. Bless you for making a difference. May you find peace. And the biggest of hugs to you.

I think this surely has to be the worst part

Tis very true that the ones most inclined to wail and whine and carry on publically, it seems, are the very ones who also seem to have the most to regret....

which is not to say that I'm not also crying the ~odd~ time or two.. but I don't feel the need to make a production of it.

bless your soul hon, you are an exceptional woman.

My heart is with you. It's a good thing you know enough to take a walk. Good luck.