Funereal Thoughts

I know that many people have different feelings about attending funerals.  Many people will go to a funeral only when they feel obligated to do so.  Others will attend funerals only when they were a close personal friend or family member.  Then again, there are those that go to funerals all the time.  Some see them as a social occasion. [Remember the movie, Harold and Maude?]

I was brought up to believe that when someone dies you show your respect for them or for their family, by attending their funeral.  In many cases, we went to funerals where we didn't know the deceases but we knew a relative or close friend.  We went to support them.  I have also attended funerals where I haven't known a single living soul there, only the deceased, but I attend as a show of respect for the dead person.

Last summer, a family friend died.  He was actually a friend through another family that was his close friend and that of my family's.  I wanted to go to the funeral because I respected him and wanted to show my support for our mutual friends. However, the funeral was over the Independence Day holiday and there were no affordable plane seats available to St. Louis (the cheapest would have cost me about $1100 round trip).  I sent my daughter because I could not afford for us both to go and she was much closer to Father Joe than I was (he was a priest).  Then whole time she was gone, I felt like I should have gone.  I regret that I didn't have the money for us to both have gone.  I feel like I didn't get to show my respect or say my goodbyes.

When my brother died a while back, I had just gotten out of the hospital and was too weak to drive the two hours in each direction and attend the day long event.  I didn't get to go.  I still regret that.  I wish there had been a way for me to attend but my ex-husband (we were married at the time) didn't offer to stay and take me.  He went to work and I knew I couldn't handle the drive myself.  

Yesterday I got an email from a very good friend of mine.  Her sister died unexpectedly and very suddenly.  She was in her late forties.  The family is devastated.  I knew her sister.  I know her family.  They always welcomed me into their home.  They always treated me like I belonged.  The services are tentatively set for Monday and Tuesday.  The only way I can afford to go is to drive and save myself the $400 airfare.  However, if I drive, I'd have to drive back on Tuesday, after the funereal and be home in time for a mandatory 6 PM training.  It is about an 8 hour drive from Los Angeles to where I live.  So now I am trying to figure out how I will feel afterwards if I am not able to go. I know the family will understand that I am no longer in physical shape to drive over and back in a forty-eight hour period.

What to do?  I still haven't decided.  I am sitting here waiting and wishing for an answer to magically appear.  I am also waiting to talk to my friend and kind of sound her out about the situation. I don't know.  I know how I will feel afterwards.  But I also know that it is almost not possible.  Even if I flew, there is no one to take me or pick me up to/from the airport.  And then there is the matter of having to leave my daughter home.  She can't miss school.  She's sixteen so I can leave her but she doesn't like it and I don't like leaving her.

I just don't know.