Scrappy-Doo: The E True Hollywood Story

Cue music.  Start montage of different Scrappy-Doo moments.  Begin narrator’s voiceover. 

“Scrappy-Doo’s story began in a charity ward at St. Bernard’s Hospital.  Born to Ruby-Doo, sister of world famous Scooby-Doo, Scrappy never knew who sired him.  At the time, his famous uncle was supporting his sister as Ruby-Doo went from one backyard shed to the next.”

Interview with Scappy-Doo.  He wears an open collar that show off his grimy gold dog tags.  He is looking out a window unto a garbage dump (now his home) and is chewing on an old bone.

“I didn’t know my mother well.  Most people said she was just a bitch, but I don’t know.”  (Camera focuses on the tear forming in his left eye.)  “I had four other littermates and it was decided amongst the family that I should go and live with my Uncle Scooby.  I was just a puppy so I didn’t know he was this major star.  Besides I seldom saw him, he worked all the time and when he wasn’t working he was going to various discos.  He was a regular at Studio 54 when the show was on hiatus.  Then one day the nanny didn’t show up and he took me with him to work.  I was just playing around.”

Cut to interview from 1989 with Joseph Barbera of Hanna-Barbera.

“I just got out of a meeting with the suits who were telling us the ratings weren’t where they should be.  They were threatening cancellation if we didn’t change something in the show and do it quick.  Suddenly I see this puppy chewing on Velma’s wig and I think, ‘Wait a minute, didn’t ‘The Brady Bunch’ have that cousin come on the show and didn’t ‘The Partridge Family’ have some orphan kid come on theirs?  Why couldn’t we do the same thing on Doo?’  So I went over to where Hanna was eating a panni and I asked, ‘Who’s the pup?’  You can imagine my surprise and delight to learn that he was Scooby’s nephew.’”

Cut to interview with Scrappy-Doo.

“My grandfather worked in vaudeville, which lead to a walk on in one of the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope movies.  From there, he did some work in radio but was killed while chasing a bus.  Family lore is that June Allison and her ‘who’s a good boy antics’ drove him to reckless behavior. 

It was then up to Scooby to take care of the family, which he did by landing gigs on ‘Leave It to Beaver’ and ‘Star Trek.’  My uncle saw his old dog struggle and he believed the only success worth having was the type you chewed and clawed your way toward.  He wasn’t too keen about the proposal I be added to his show.”

Cut to interview with Joseph Barbera from 1996.

“As I recall, Scooby was supportive of the idea for Scrappy to join the cast.  He knew that we needed to appeal to a younger demographic and he knew what was at stake.  Plus, he had heard the rumors of our meetings with Snoopy and Woodstock.  People tend to think that Scooby wasn’t that smart, but that was just an act.  He was a brilliant actor, always performing scenes from Shakespeare in his trailer.  I swear if I could have gotten the funding, his ‘Hamlet’ would have blown your socks off. 

No, the only cast member that I remember voicing any sort of concern was Shaggy.”

Cut to interview with Scrappy-Doo.

(Laughing)  “I know I probably shouldn’t say this, but Shaggy was a major dick!  Nothing was ever good enough.  I remember he made a production assistant cry once because she brought him a slice of pizza with an olive on it.  He screamed at her because he said she should have known he hated olives and then he shoved it in her face like that scene with James Cagney from that old mob film.

Yeah, I was shocked when I learned he joined a cult.  I can’t believe he is living in a village up in the Andes Mountains, it just seems so out of character for him.  He was such a Hollywood sort of guy, you know?   He was a major player and he liked his women easy with no strings attached.  I don’t know if you know this, but his best friend was Marlon Brando right before he got really fat.  Wow, it’s hard to think that now he has nine wives and fifty-seven children!”

Narrative voice over before commercial break.

“When the ‘E True Hollywood Story’ returns, Scrappy outshines his uncle Scooby.”  (Cue Music.) 

Narrative voiceover.

“The year was 1979 and Scrappy was introduced to the Scooby Doo franchise.  Labeled just another ‘Cousin Oliver’ from cynical cartoon critics he became a pre-pre-pre teen heartthrob with such witty catch phrases as, ‘Lemme at 'em! I'll splat 'em!’ ‘Ta ta da daaa!’ and the most famous, ‘Puppy Power!’  He was featured on various teen magazines.” (Montage of covers featuring Scrappy in ‘Tiger Beat,’ ‘Sweet 16,’ and ‘Dog Fancier.’ Followed by interview with Scrappy.) 

Interview with Scappy-Doo. 

“There was one time I was at a mall and my assistant comes in and says there is a huge crowd outside the Kibble -n- Hits Music Store.  I look outside and there are like a thousand first graders looking in.  We asked the manager if there is a backdoor and he shows us it.  Later when we were driving home we hear that a riot involving disappointed six years olds broke out and they destroyed both the Kibble Music Store and The Nut Hut!”  (Scrappy smiles at the camera, showing a glimpse of the good-looking pup he once was.)

Cut to interview with William Hanna from 1991.

“Once the numbers started to come in is when knew we had to take the show in another direction.  Of course I think it bothered Scooby, after all, he had been the star of the series for so long but you know the Hollywood adage, ‘You never play against children or animals.’  In the case of Scooby-Doo, you never play against a younger cuter animal.”

Cut to interview with Scrappy-Doo.

(Scrappy appears excited and his tail wags with the memories.)  “It was so great back then.  Hanna and Barbera got it and they got me.  I was the one who told them that people were tired of all the ghost and vampires being done by villains with an agenda.”  (He leans into the screen.)  “I told them they should have real ghosts and real vampires.  It totally rocked!  Plus, I was a different dog than my uncle.  Where he was all timid and frightened, I was all bravo and spirit.  I showed those ghost and vampires that this was a dog that wasn’t going to succumb to their haunting and blood sucking.  Hell yes, Puppy Power to the max!

Yeah, I know there are critics out there that say I ruined the franchise, but here’s what I have to say to them…”  (Image of middle claw edited from paw.)

Cut to interview with William Hanna from 1994

“The first season he was a joy to work with, but the second season…(Hanna rolls his eyes).”

Cut to interview with Scrappy-Doo.

“I’m the first to admit that I was caught up with all the fame.  I was too young, man, just too young.  (Hangs head down in shame.)  Can I have a moment?”  (Camera cuts away and there is a sound of Scrappy blowing his snout.)  “I’m okay, thanks.”  (He shakes his head.)  “It was hard.  I didn’t have anyone to guide me.  My mother had gone off to live with her fourth Pit Bull and half the time Uncle Scooby acted as if I didn’t exist.  He started to hang out with Sinatra and Dean Martin.  They talked about restarting the Rat Pack, instead calling it the Wolf Pack, so he had little time for me.  When I told him I had been nominated for a Toon Award for ‘Best in Show’ and he growled at me then left me at home alone with no doggy door as he did it with Ava Gabor’s French Poodle next door.” (Scrappy’s voice breaks.)  “He could be cruel at times.”

Narrative voice before commercial break.

“When 'The E True Hollywood Story' returns, Scrappy talks about his on again off again affair with Daphne.”  (Cue music.) 

Interview with Scrappy-Doo from 1980.

“Everyone in the cast has been fantastic.  I love working with my uncle.  Shaggy always has the rest of us laughing so hard that I almost lift my leg every time I see him.  Velma is a lot nicer than people give her credit for.”  (He shakes his paw good naturally at the camera.)  “So you people watching TV treat her nicely.  Freddie, what can you say about Freddie?  He is always throwing the ball for me and scratching behind my ears.  Daphne though, I don’t think anyone can say anything bad about Daphne, she is such a princess.”  (He has a starry-eyed expression, which he holds for a few seconds, and then laughs as if he is back on planet Earth.)  “And I mean that in a good way.”

Cut to most recent interview with Scrappy-Doo.

“Some people are just too good for this world.  What can I say?  When she died she took a big piece of me with her.  I know people were always talking about our age difference, but you do know that dogs age seven years for each human year.  I just think they were jealous.  What Daph and I had was special and no one could take that away from me.

Cut to interview with someone hidden behind a screen.

“Oh my God, what can’t I say about Daphne and Scrappy?  I think for him, it was a severe case of puppy love.  For her, I think she was just trying to prove that she could still be desirable.  Everyone had figured out Fred was gay.  Of course, the viewing public always thought Velma was a lesbian, and she might have played for both teams, but let me tell you with the likes of Mick Jagger, Warren Beatty, and Rick James sending her flowers week after week, I think the girl had it going on and going on all the time.

Anyhow, what was I talking about?

Oh yeah, Fred being homosexual and Daphne being too dense to pick up on it.  I mean how many times does the bass player for ‘The Bay City Rollers’ have to come around before people start catching a clue?  Yet, Daphne wasn’t the brightest – she was just like her character.  She didn’t understand that Fred just wasn’t into to her and I think that hurt her.  I mean come on, the girl was gorgeous and here was this good looking man who wasn’t digging her.

Few people know that she dated Shaggy for about three months when the show started but as soon as he and Scooby became the stars he dumped her for a Joey Heatherton, which of course didn’t last long either.  Daphne was devastated about not having a boyfriend and it was affecting her work.  There was even talk about replacing her.  Here she was on a hit cartoon and she had no personal life.

I think she hooked up with Scrappy to make Fred angry.  I think Fred had a crush on Scrappy.  The way he used to rub him behind his ears and then on his tailbone to make his hind leg shake, well, I can tell you, it got more that just a few of us talking.  That was where Daphne saw her opportunity and took it.  We used to say on the lot, ‘If you see the Mystery Machine rocking, don’t come a-knocking.’”

Cut to interview with Scrappy-Doo.

She was my first leg hump and she was amazing!  I would have married her if it was legal.  I didn’t see her marriage to Pat Sajak coming.  One week we are a couple and the next one she is taking me aside on Monday morning to tell me that she went to Vegas and got hitched with that guy from ‘Wheel of Fortune.’”  (Scrappy shakes his head with disgust.)  “Then to top it all off she leaves him after six months and marries Howie Mandel!  She was too good for both of them.  After the show was over, I lost track of her.  I didn’t know she had gotten fat and joined a German circus as a contortionist.  If I had, I would have come after her.”  (He looks directly at the camera and speaks softly.)  “I would have."

Cut to interview with Joseph Barbera from 1994.

“Daphne was a lovely talented girl.  I had no idea she gained 400 pounds and still they tell me she could stand and pull a leg up behind her and touch her nose.  Now that’s talent.  People talk about Meryl Streep being this fine actress, but I’ll tell you what – she had nothing on Daphne.” 

Cut to interview with Scrappy-Doo.

“After Daphne’s marriage to Pat Sajak I felt the world was coming down around my collar.  It was then I started to snack on Scooby snacks or smacks as they should have been called.  A few here, a few there, and then I couldn’t control myself, I couldn’t make it through the day without them.  All I kept thinking about was ‘Scooby Snack’ especially if I had a scene with Daphne.  Of course, Uncle Scooby didn’t care.  He thought it was funny how I was chasing my own tail all of the time.

It was about that time I started to hang out with the Coreys – you know Haim and Feldman.  I had done a movie with them and they were cool.  We would go to one of the Sunset clubs, and although we were all underage, they would literally escort us to the VIP lounge.  Life just seemed like one long party fuels by sugary Scooby snacks.”

Narrative voice commercial break.

“When the E True Hollywood Story returns, Scrappy’s fall from grace.” (Cue music.) 

Interview with Scrappy-Doo.

“Yeah, your looking at one lucky dog that had it all and blew it.  Even though the show was losing its steam, I still had endorsement deals.  Clive Davis was talking to me about a record deal – something about putting out a Christmas album.  I was too dumb to figure out that you can’t treat the world as if it is newspaper laid out to toilet train you!

The Puppy Chow endorsement was the first I screwed up.  I told them that they wouldn’t have any other puppies in the shot with me.  Then I was late to the set.  I told them that I was at the vet’s office, but they figured my game quick enough.  I was in my trailer snorting snack when the company’s president knocked on it and I barked him off.

After that, I couldn’t get picked up in this town for chasing trucks down the interstate.  I soon ended up in the dog pound.”

Interview with Joseph Barbera prior to his death in December 2006.  He is hooked up to some machine and tubs are attached inside his shirt.

“Wow, that little Scrappy has been through a lot.  I still remember him as an adorable pup and now you tell me that he is a guard dog at the city dump.  The higher they claw the harder they fall.  I still have faith in him though.  He is a talented actor and could make a comeback.  He no longer has to live in Scooby’s shadow.”

Narrative voiceover.

“Scooby-Doo refused to be interviewed for this story, but he did say in passing as he was leaving the Vegas casino he owns and operates.”

Scooby-Doo, looking older but still handsome, passes by the cameras.

“Rut Roh, Scrappy bad dog.  Should have saved his pennies and not partied with the Coreys!”

Cut to interview with Scrappy-Doo.

“No, I don’t see much of the old gang.  I know Velma lives in the valley with her three kids and second husband.  I hear she is good friends with Jodie Foster.  Of course Fred, I occasionally see on ‘South Park’ when he is reprising his ‘Big Gay Al’ role.  Scooby doesn’t ever seem to have the time.  Apparently, Donald Trump and he are in talks about doing some reality show.  As for me, I’m planning a comeback.  The truth is that I haven’t ever really left the game but for too many years I have been in back alleys turning tricks for tourists - ‘sitting,’ ‘rolling over,’ and ‘playing dead.’  This time it’s different.  I have been off the snack for a year.”  (Roll footage of Scrappy running along the beach gazing at the sunset.)  “I have a new agent now and already have a non-speaking role in the next Tom Sizemore picture.  I’m feeling hopeful about the future.”  

copyright 2007 Westerfield