Closing Chapters....indirectly inspired by Mariana T.

A  ten year saga in my life is about to close.  Quietly, softly, and an adverb descriptive of a feeling that I cannot quite describe.

It certainly would be one of those "I told you so" stories.....but I think we should always remember that behind an "I told you so" story is a death of a dream, a sad ending, and sometimes a few broken hearts.  

Due to some force beyond my control.....I believe.....I think I am doomed to a lifetime of passionate loves.  Passionate love is a wonderful thing......in the beginning.  I truly believe I could live on it forever.....but it takes two to maintain.   And sometimes things go wrong.   Like life gets in the way.  One tries to put convention on the unconventional when the unconventional......after years of flying in the face of the mundane. 

OK....I am avoiding.  I can feel it.  So I will get to the point.

About 10ish years ago, I was in a relationship that never should have been a relationship.  He was the straight man that I could never be.  I was the free spirit he could never be.  We admired that in one another.....we wanted the best things for one another.  We wanted to be more like each other.   But then I realized despite my best efforts I could never be contained and he could never completely let go and the admiration turn into confusion,  and confusion turned into resentment and it imploded.  He found a wife with the pedigree and he let this mutt out the back door and I was just happy to get off the leash.  I spent a lot of time feeling really bad and empty.  All my free spirit friends were long bored of semi conventional me.  And what was worse was the ex still wanted to be friends, and I did too, but he was getting married......and I was stupid.  And it is a really bad day when you wake up and look in the mirror and realize that 'hey chica.....you are good enough to sleep with....but you are not good enough to be with'  And it is a really worse day when you realize that the man who told you in you bed and in private he could not live without you really doesn't want to live with you.......and he loves you so little that he wants to put you in a cage.   But even that is ok because one day you remember how to sing again.....and it amuses you.  and it strengthen you.  and everyday the bars are bent just that little bit more.  And then someone hears your song.  And tells you the words that you were meant to come from your lips.  But those words are in someone else's mouth.  And that is where this story begins.....

I am going to post this.  I don't know if I can do part II today but I promise to try.... 

I think it might be good for me.