G N-N: The Number 23 Proves Alien Conspiracy Against France & Decent Cell Phone Coverage

I have 23 people as of this morning and I think that I should celebrate this achievement by a little numerical exhibition. The number 23 is pretty special, being a prime number and an important part of Discordianism, mostly because weird things supposedly happen on the 23rd. 

One of the weird things to happen on the 23rd was my husband. His mother can vouch for his birth, and I can vouch for his weirdness.

So, my husband was born on the 23rd, which is 2+3, or 5, which is the number of fingers on most people's hands and toes on most people's feet. (I say most because of things like this.) It's also the number that represents man and his primal urge to develop conspiracy theories.

Humans have five radials and five points. After the five points are made the conspiracy theory usually spirals out of control. DNA is arranged in a spiral made of two sets of 23 chromosomes. The 23rd pair determine sex, which I think is a misleading statement since the other 22 chromosomes determine appearance, intelligence, personality, body odor, and money making ability, all of which, in my opinion, determine whether or not you get sex.

Anywho, we're back to the number 23, and my husband, and me, and whether or not we have sex. Now, 2 times 3 equals 6, and my birthday is in June, so you can see how numerology proves that my husband and I are destined to be together. It's mathematics and so it must be true. However, all 3 of my names have 6 letters, which means that numerically I am 666 or The Number of The Beast, which is a very confusing book by Robert Heinlein.

That would make me the AntiChrist, or rather an AntiChrist, since there are probably others, possibly as many of us as 616. Obviously, being an AntiChrist would make me an evil bitch and that would have more effect on my sex life than my 23rd chromosome.

I should point out the obvious here: 616 is 6+1+6 which equals 13, which is a prime number long suspected of being evil. There are 13 items in a "baker's dozen", a practice instituted in the 13th century, which is deceivingly generous of the baker but in reality quite evil as we all know that baked goods are fattening. In fact, the entirety of the 13th century is inherently evil through its association with the number 13 and for being within the Medieval period, which is pronounced "mid evil" for a reason.

The Mark of the Beast has, in modern times, been associated with social security numbers, and the possibility of having same tattooed on each person as an easy means of tracking and control. I'm not sure how well this method will work, since, as skin ages, it stretches, and the little scan lines would get all woobly like those embarassing tattoos you get when you think you're going to weigh 130 pound forever. One thing I am sure of is that each section of my social security number adds up to 13, or 6+1+6, and when translated directly into Aramaic it clearly shows an alien bringing ancient wisdom to a cell phone tower in a time stream reversal designed to end human life as we know it.

Now, read another way, the literal alphabetic translation of my social security number into Aramaic, added to the symbolic translation of my birthday into modern alphanumeric form, equals the French language version of my full birth name exactly backwards! And, when you multiply each of my initials' positions in the alphabet by Dan Brown's birthday, you get the longitude and latitude for the burial places of 23 of Christ's most important descendents. Combining one pair of chromosomes from each of these persons will create the new physical embodiment of Christ Himself here on Earth, who will save us from Satan in the guise of Aliens and cheap calling plans. Unless, of course, the new Christ child is born in France, in which case it will be another 23 generations before you can avoid roaming charges in the mountains.