If you don't have kids, do yourself a great big favor right now and don't procreate. Get on the pill, have your tubes tied, snip and clip your 'little friend', tattoo a 'closed for business' sign over your groinal region - whatever you gotta do. Or at least, if you're going to have kids... have one. One is a nice number. One isn't really like having kids - he's got no one to fight with, and if something goes wrong, you know who to blame (unless, of course, you have a dog. Then chances are the kid will point at the dog).
Or if you're going to have more than one kid, space them out a bit. Do not under any circumstances have it so that you'll have more than one teenager living in your house at any given time. Trust me on this one. If I could go back in time and give myself this warning, I would.
Three is never a number teenagers should come in. Remember, there's only one of you - two, if you're lucky enough to have both parents home at all times. They outnumber you. They're devious, hormonally crazed, and out to get you for 'ruining their life'. How did you ruin their life? Well, the answer changes from day to day and can be everything from 'not giving me enough allowance' to 'not buying me a brand new car for my birthday' to 'making me do my homework'.
These past two days alone we've had the following crisises:
Steve and his friend having an argument with the substitute bus driver about their right to get off where they want to get off instead of their assigned stop.
Jeanette deciding to give up computers for lent... including doing any work in her computer class. No matter what teachers, principals, priest, and parents told her about it.
Brenda having 100 dollars worth of extra text messaging on her phone when she let a friend borrow it and that friend texted strange boys all over the country for seven hours straight.
That's in addition to the every day drama of who doesn't want to take out the trash, whose life is being ruined by not having ____ , who is fighting with who over territory/insults/boredom/possessions. It's like a three ring circus, and I'm the ringmaster. Step right up and watch the hormonally challenged next generation battle it out! I should sell popcorn and tickets to anyone brave enough to visit my house.
So remember - spaced out kids okay, one kid good, no kids better. At least as far as your future sanity is concerned.
And if you do have kids close together, enjoy them while they're young. Take as many pictures of their sweet smiling faces as you can - they'll help you not to kill them when puberty hits. Remember that in a decade or so (hopefully), things will balance out. Your kids will be all grown up, and possibly normal again. They'll smile and be happy to see you, and be friends with each other. At least, that's the hope I'm holding out for.
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Comments: 50
I do relate to this, though! I raised three daughters that were within two years of each other (we had twins when Jenn was 2!) and I ACTUALLY survived!!! LOL. But I know were these gray hairs came from. ;o)
Place child in a barrel and feed through the bung-hole, at 18 if child is a sane human being let them out, if not... plug the bung-hole!
I left home before all 3 of my sibs reached their teen years (oldest was 14 when i left)... I had done a lot of the raising at that point. That's probably the only reason I didn't end up locked away someplace for the criminally insane... the youngest two were redheads with all the stereotypical personality traits and stubbornness! (you know fiery, hot tempered etc.)
Our first two were 9 years apart, due to infertility and other problems, so we were feeling soo bad. Then we had two kids two years apart, and when the oldest of those two was 4 my wife begged me to get a vascetomy, which I did! LOL!
::proceeds to duck and cover::
BUT, you can always decide you've had enough and send the kid back to child protective services then buy yourself a convertible and forget the entire tragic episode.
And they still bicker and carry on and play who does mommy like best when we're all together... although I must admit they were pretty well behaved when we all went out for dinner today :)
Plus, how many young men and women really thing about the incredible responsibility it is to bring another human into the world? Think about this, in our society today, we critique potential pet owners and some actually seek schooling prior to purchasing the pet of their dreams. To have a child, all a couple has to do is consumate that relationship and they may not even want the child to which their sexual act just created.
I believe if we took as much time and thought into having children as we did into purchasing a home or getting a pet the children and the parents would be better off in the long run.
I have two teenage boys: 19 / 15 -- I thank God daily that I have been so lucky and that my children have always (other than small things...back talk, laziness) brought me more joy than pain or heartache.
Another problem arises when children see their parents say one thing and do another. I know I had real issues with that when I was younger. Of course now I realize that my parents were just trying to keep me from making the mistakes they had arleady made. Isn't it a shame wisdom is wasted on the young? lol
Good luck to us all!
I have to tell you, though- as the mother of a teenager and a toddler, I espouse the, "If you must procreate, stop at one" philosophy. Teenagers and toddlers are remarkably similar in temperament and behavior. Stick with one. Get rid of that whole "spacing" problem altogether.
Well said, Laura. But now I must leave, as I have to put my toddler (who should have been asleep over an hour ago) back in bed for the twenty-somethingth time tonight (not even an exaggerated number!) so I can attend to my teenager, who is going through the emotional trauma of his first high school relationship breakup.
'Course, I won't have my student loans paid off by the time the "baby" gets to college...
I've already told the boy to get a scholarship.
"What did you say?" said I.
"In 11 years you gonna have another? When you have babies, you just double the years between...right Mom."
I knew it was all over then...a five year old doing mental math...ummm....
But all kidding aside...I think the spacing was good...all of them were like only children....at one point I had one going off to college, one starting 9th and the baby going into first.
This has been the best laugh I've had in the six weeks I've been at Gather. Aren't kids great sources of entertainment? Gotta love 'em!!
I think you'll be safe.
Haha.. your mom rocks. I like that saying.
I agree - don't have kids too young (<25 or even 30), don't have kids for the wrong reason (nail the man you want), don't have kids if you cannot afford them (N America is not a family-friendly society). If by chance you do have them, try to keep them away from too much TV, from money, from popularity contests and spend the time to explain to them what is the difference between hormonal rebellion and real one.