The People I Have Interviewed - The Rich and Famous, The Man-On-the-Street and the Downright Strange

      People are what radio is all about; not really the music.  The songs that are played are just musical interludes between the times that people talk.  And there sure is a lot of talking going on.  Take "Talk Radio".  When was the last time you even heard a song played on one of those stations?  But even "regular" radio; the averge station in the average town listened to by average people; has lots and lots and lots of talk.

      You have the host of a show talking the most.  It's their program and they're the center of attention.  Sometimes they go it alone; sometimes there's a partner or a side-kick; the latter resulting in even more talk.  And all those commercial breaks; all talk, talk, talk.  Time for the news report...lots of talk.  The weather is a short forecast, but still talk.  Here's sports in a minute; maybe nothing but scores, but nothing but talk.

      So why is it then, when it's time to interview someone, knowing you have a certain amount of time to fill up with talk; they won't open their mouth and say anything?  It's worse than pulling teeth to get some people to give you more than one word answers.  And you can tell almost immediately how the interview is going to go based on how they initially respond...and sometimes, you just know the whole thing is going right down the toilet.  The topic being discussed always determines the length of the interview.  Some things are interesting enough to fill a full hour...and schedule a second appearance because you haven't had enough time to cover everything.  Other items don't warrant an extended period of discussion because you can pretty much wrap things up in the time it takes to blink your eyes a couple times.

      Though they might be adorable, for the most part, children are the absolute worst.  "Hello, little boy.  What's your name?"  They stare blankly at you, then look up to their mother for the answer.  "How old are you?"  They hold up 4 fingers.  "Are you having fun today?"  They shake their head up and down.  "What do you want to be when you grow up?"  The shoulders either get shrugged or you finally hear words..."A big boy".  Okay, this has been an invigorating 20 seconds...interview over.  And inevitably, once you turn the microphone off, the child turns into a virtual Chatty Cathy and you can't shut them up.  You hear them talking still like a variable speed drill stuck on full bore as they walk out the door.

      Then there are the times you're on the scene of an accident, fire or other mishap.  You always find one "eye witness" who saw it all and has every single detail of what went on, even those from before the incident occured.  You ask them what happened and away they go.  "I was just walking down the street.  I woke up early today and instead of staying home and making coffee, I decided to go down to the local diner and grab a bite to eat before I headed off to work.  For some reason, I sat at the counter instead of the seat I usually like by the window.  I had a hard time making up my mind what I wanted, but I chose the breakfast special today."  Yes, sir...yes, sir.  But what happened here?  "Well, after I finished my breakfast, I figured I'd just walk my meal off, so I decided to take the long way to the officer today.  So I walked west on Main Street for a couple blocks, then turned south on Maple.  I usually go down to Elm, but I was running a few minutes behind this morning.  You know, there's this really nice garden at one of the houses on Elm.  I can smell the flowers from the front sidewalk when I pass by.  That lady sure has a green thumb.  Always so pleasant."  Excuse me, sir, but the fire...what happened with the fire?  "Oh, that.  I don't know.  The house was already ablaze and the fire department was here by the time I got this far down the street."  Time to find the police officer in charge of the call to find out what actually took place.

      Remote broadcasts can also be such a treat.  You're set up at a business to go live...for the next three hours.  How much fun can I take...it's the grand opening of a grocery store.  Come on in and buy.  We've got lots of food here.  Here's store manager, Barney Doodleman, to tell us a little of what you can expect to find.  He's talking to you, but looking off in the distance...telling the listeners (if there are any left at all by the time he's done) exactly every item stocked on the shelves down each aisle.  Good morning, ma'am.  What brings you to Shop-N-Save-Alot today?  "Am I on the air?  Are we broadcasting live?  Harold!  Hi, Harold.  It's me, Marlene.  I'm on the radio, Harold.  What was the question again?"  Here come a couple more customers...Excuse me.  They want no part of this, turn their heads, hide their faces (it's radio, gals; not TV), wave their hands in a way they're trying to convey they don't want to talk, grab a basket and hurry away in the opposite direction.  Look.  There's a couple of elderly ladies.  Let me talk to them.  Welcome to Shop-N-Save-Alot.  We're talking to first-time visitors today...  And before I can get another word out or even ask a question, they begin giggling (interspersed with old lady cackles) and acting like school girls unable to even get a word out because of the way they're laughing.  Let's break up the monotony with shopping cart races up and down the aisles.  You get in; I'll push.  Finally, someone who should talk now problem.  Congratulations, you're the 100th customer to walk through the door.  You've just won this $100 custom-made basket full of steaks.  "Oh, that's nice.  But I don't eat red meat.  Can I get something else instead?"

      Another trip is a thing called a "Talk Show"...that's where everyone is supposed to talk...and we have a whole half hour to fill.  Lots of times it's a breeze.  It's been pre-scheduled so the guests have had plenty of time to prepare.  We'll be talking about a specific topic they know about, so it should be knowledgable.  See how easy that was?  The show is over before you know it and it feels like we just started.  The half hour went by just that fast.  If they only were all as simple. 

      One day, I have the director of the local Red Cross chapter appearing to talk about the new AIDS program they've instituted, along with related services, upcoming blood drives and a fund raising event that's been planned.  An hour before his appreance, there's a natural gas leak across town and the Red Cross has to respond in case it turns into a serious situation...and the director has to be on the scene to spearhead the organization's efforts for relief if needed.  Since he can't make it, he's sent two representatives from the office...a secretary and a volunteer; who teaches babysitting classes.  Nice girls but not a clue on what they were here to discuss...and not very knowing when it came to the topic I told them we'd be talking about.  Luckily, we do get a little information from the guest ahead of time so we can familiarize ourself with what will be covered...and it at least had dates and a few details of some of the events that were scheduled.  We could mention them and that would take up about 5 minutes.  Thankfully, I'm not a dummy and keep on top of things affecting the world today.  While discussing the AIDS issue, I literally ended up interviewing myself.  Instead of asking a question, I'd form it in the way of a statement and then go on to explain the details.  The two girls were very helpful.  They read the dates and locations of the blood drives and fund raiser during the last three minutes of the program.

      If that's not bad enough, it's even worse when a guest is simply a no-show...no call, no cancellation, they just don't appear...and we've been promoting it for the past 7 hours since 5:30AM.  Now, I have an entire half hour to fill and I have no information to even try and fake I know what I'm talking about regarding the subject we've been promoting.  What do we do?  It's up to me to figure that one out.  Okay, here we go...the theme music has ended and I'm on.  I have to instantly come down with a case of oral diahrrea and talk about whatever I can think of on whatever I can come up with.  Thank God for commercial breaks so I can take a breather.  those have been some of the longest half hours I've ever lived.

      There was even one time I was interviewing a "religious figure" who will remain nameless (I don't want to get into trouble with the big guy upstairs.)  It started as any interview of its type would with a discussion of religion, but it soon turned bad.  The reverand all of a sudden started going off on me because of the way I looked, the lifestyle I lived, the profession I was involved in, I was a heathen, the fire and brimstone of Satan was going to consume me...and he was relentless.  When I realized he was on a tirade and it wasn't going to end; I ended it myself.  While he continued rambling on, I thank him for stopping in and announced to the listeners this interview was over.  And while still on the air, I took his Bible and all the papers he had with him and threw them out into the hall.  Then, I grabbed him by the scruff and his neck and the seat of his pants...and I physically threw him out the door.

      The easy interviews are the ones with people of fame...athletes, authors, thespians, musicians, politicians.  All you have to do is wind them up, say Hello and away they go.  I can just kick back and they can fill the entire half hour themselves.  They can talk about themselves so well, they even want to know if they can run over the time allotted.  These people have it down pat!  They've done so many interviews already, that by the time they get to me, they just say exactly what they've said the past 200 times they've been interviewed.  "Would you like my autograph?"  No thanks.  Would you like mine?

      The very first "major" name I interviewed was the singer Dee Snider from the old heavy metal band, Tiwsted Sister.  It was actually for a non-band related event.  He had an old Mustang car he had restored at a small shop in a nearby town and decided to come pick it up himself and drive it back to long Island.  It really was no big deal.  I wasn't awestruck.  They're all just people like the rest of us.  They just make a hell of a lot more money and are better known.  It was a fun interview with Dee; his car, the band, what was planned in the future.  At the conclusion of our time together, I asked him to do a program ID for me...and that's when it went in the crapper and I felt a little disappointment.  It went a little like this..."Alright Seneca Falls. This is Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and you're listening to The Rock Shop with Rob...what the hell's that say?"  And he mispronounces my last name.  It was so funny, I ended up using it on my program anyway. 

      The list of "famous" people is so long, I don't even remember all of them, espeically off the top of my head...Helen Reddy, Lou Pinella, Willie Neslon, Jpohn Travolta, Andre Crouch, Jim Boheim, Pete Rose, Jesse "The Body" Ventura,  Billy Joel, Martin Scorsese, Jody Foster, Hillary Clinton...the list goes on and on.  (I figured I'd give some names you might be familiar with.)  But my specialty was the rockers:  David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, the Van Halen brothers, Geddy Lee of Rush, Ozzy Osbourne(I still, to this day, get a Christmas card from Sharon and him every year), Steven Tyler and the entire band Aerosmith (I ended up seeing them so much, I'd even get invites to come join them for lunch before a show in the area later that night...seeing how I'd be in town for their performance anyway), Rob Halford of Judas Priest, all the guys from Metallica, Bruce Dickinson of Iron Maiden, Bill Ward of Black Sabbath.  Now there's a list of fun people to talk to.  We'd touch on the music portion of what they had to say...and then it would all fall apart.  Body parts would be flashed.  Loudest burp contests.  They'd try their hand behind the microphone playing "deejay".  Spontaneous in-studio accoustic performances.  I even had one band bring in a chain saw and fire it up, constantly revving it, while we had to yell at the top of our lungs to be heard over that din. 

      You might think it's all fun and games, but you have no idea what goes on behind the scenes.  So if I walk up to you someday and stick a microphone into your face, what would you say?  PLEASE say something!  Remember, others are listening.