POETRY CENTRAL Vol. 1 No. 3 Workshop on Metaphor

Metaphors help us understand comparisons, nuances, shades of meaning, contrasting

thoughts, and many other aspects of our thinking and feeling.  They do it in an almost 

mysterious way.  You may not notice a good metaphor, as such, but rather be pulled

into its captivating spell.  One of the earliest surviving examples of metaphor is

found in the Epic of Gilgmaesh, a Babylonian poem dating to the third millennium,

B.C.  Here we find the following striking metaphor:

My friend, the swift mule, fleet wild ass of the mountain, panther

of the wilderness, after we joined together and went up into the

mountain, fought the Bull of Heaven and killed it, and overwhelmed

Humbaba, who lived in the Cedar Forest, now what is this sleep

that has seized you? - (Trans. Kovacs, 1989)

The writer compares his friend with a swift mule, not only to provide an instant

paradox (swift mule) but aslo to draw out how one with physical limitations might

be able to war against the “Bull of Heaven.”  Thus, the metaphor allows us to step

outside of the restrictions of probability, and enter into a world of endless possibility. 

This enriches our imagination.  It can also offer challenges to reading and interpretation. 

There are metaphors... and then there are metaphors.  Tough ones, like “the sinister alabaster

bivalve that opens and closes like a lever, has already shut itself up for ages to come.” 

In truth, this gem was devised by yours truly as an example of overdoing it.  Thus, it does

no good to build a complicated edifice of metaphorical sounding words, if it begins to topple

over on the weight of its own silliness. 

When you use metaphors, be simple and unassuming in your speech.   Don’t mix them all up

in your ardor, as “the poet was charged like a stick of dynamite as words rolled out as oats.” 

Begin to think in terms of overarching ideas, rather than just a few isolated series of words

that you can stick in a poem, here and there, to fill up a metaphor quota.

One of my favorite examples of a metaphor comes from one of Dylan Thomas’ most haunting

and illusory poems:

Where once the waters of your face

Spun to my screws, your dry ghost blows,

The dead turns up its eye;        

Where once the mermen through your ice

Pushed up their hair, the dry wind steers

Through salt and root and roe.

 

Where once your green knots sank their splice

Into the tided cord, there goes

The green unraveller,

His scissors oiled, his knife hung loose

To cut the channels at their source

And lay the wet fruits low.

 

Invisible, your clocking tides

Break on the lovebeds of the weeds;

The weed of love’s left dry;

There round about your stones the shades

Of children go who, from their voids,

Cry to the dolphined sea.

 

Dry as a tomb, your coloured lids

Shall not be latched while magic glides

Sage on the earth and sky;

There shall be serpents in your tides,

Till all our sea-faith die.

You can instantly see and appreciate the beauty of this very simple metaphor, that of comparing a face to water (sea).  From this humblest of beginnings, the poem expands in many directions, giving us a startling impression of the mutability ("where once," repeated) and corruptible nature ("dry ghost blows", "dry wind steers") of what was once attractive.  And how easy to recognize and enter into the metaphor, when we have so many points of commonality in our own experience of the sea ("green weeds", "dolphins"), as well as darker images ("ice", "salt", "root", "tomb").  Thomas builds upon his metaphor with the tension of lost beauty and love, culminating midway with the monumental phrase, “The weeds of love’s left dry.”   We are directed to see how great the fall is, out of love, how “dry as a tomb” and full of serpents. 

Assignment

1)  Write a 8-14 line poem that picks up a metaphor and carries it through as in the example above.

2)  Find a quiet spot in your house (or Starbucks with your IPOD set to Vivaldi) and make some notes.  Think about some event that either happened to you personally, or one that affected you in a very strong way.  Jot down some impressions about it.  Be as specific as you can.  When did it happen?  Who was involved?  What were the key images that struck you at the time, that strike you now?

How did it make you feel?  How long did the feelings last?  Did you do anything about the situation?  Did it change the way you thought about things at the time?  Did it have a permanent effect on you? 

3)  The next step may be the most difficult and perhaps most important step in this exercise.  Has anything jumped out off your page of notes and shouted to you, metaphor?  Did you suddenly scream with your earplugs in your ears, “Daisies…!” and are now trying to figure out how to relate it to a car accident?

I hope not.  Or maybe that would be a fun poem.  Anyway, you may have to sit there until something comes up.  Think about how you might start a poem using a metaphor to illustrate the event or impression you’ve been thinking about.  Maybe it was a very embarrassing situation at your job that ballooned into a soul-wrenching nine months of self-doubt and despondency.  Is it like a ship that entered a storm and became ripped apart by rocks near the shore (I realize this is a trite example, but you get the idea!). 

4)  As you write your poem, see if you can be “true” to the metaphor all the way through.  Don't water it down by bringing in other metaphors.  Find points of commonality and contrast between the thing you're trying to write about and the metaphor you've chosen.  Don’t worry too much about trying to make it exotic or complicated.  Simplicity usually works best. 

5)  A few words about form.  I’m not requiring it, but I’d like to have you try to be as “free” as possible in this poem, which will give you latitude to explore the use of metaphor.  Therefore, please don’t use any rhyme, and although I’d like you to pay close attention to the flow and rhythm, it’s not necessary to have a particular meter (i.e 10 beats per line, etc.)

6)  Finally, try to end the poem with a little flair.  Is there some way to accentuate or punctuate the theme of the poem in your metaphor?  You can do this in many ways, such as introducing irony or surprise in the ending.  You can call attention to something within the poem and bring it out into an entirely different light.  You can use humor or remorse at the very end to hammer home a message.  I just ask you to think about finding an ending that leaves the poem in the reader’s mind.  You’ll know it when you find it.

IMPORTANT:  Do not provide the poems in the comment thread below.  Please send to me through the Gather email system (click "send email" to left.  You may have to first "connect" to send email).  I will pick the top three and republish in my next correspondent article with a little critique.  Please don’t feel sad if you don’t get picked, it may only reflect the shabby editorialship of the author.

PLEASE DO use the comment boxes below to ask questions about the assignment, and help me fill in the blanks as an article of this kind has, by default, a narrow viewpoint.  The limitations of space make it near impossible to fully treat this subject.  Nevertheless, none of us (that I know) are experts, and we’re here to have fun, so write away and enjoy!

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Written by Edward Nudelman, Books Correspondent for POETRY CENTRAL

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