Success express To the Land Of Plenty

SUCCESS EXPRESS TO THE LAND OF PLENTY:

REMEMBERING THE CONTROLLABLES & LETTING GO OF THE REST

By Bill Cottringer 

     When I was a tad younger I suffered from an embarrassing delusion—that I thought I could control a lot more things than I really could. In my first professional job as a social worker in a maximum security prison in Kentucky, I was certain I could rehabilitate my whole caseload the first week by doing everything I learned in school. I even posted meeting times and set everyone’s schedule. Needless to say, the inmates ate me up and taught me a lot about unchangeable realities in life. Then about the only thing I made any serious progress towards was growing past my own disappointment.

      And now in my sixth decade at this thing we call life, it seems as though my list of controllables is growing. And this is good, because success in getting to the Land of Plenty requires increasing your powers to repair realities you don’t like and creating ones you do like. Controlling the controllables and letting go of the rest is the single-minded path to your Land of Plenty—however you define it, including wealth, good health, authentic happiness, peace of mind, success, contentment, power, influence or making a difference.  

   For me, it seems as though hindsight is 20-20 living life through the rear view mirror. The longer list I started with—the many uncontrollables—is gradually getting shorter and fading away from serious attention, worry or concern. This is almost funny, as it happened besides my mistakes about what was and wasn’t controllable and the many mistakes that failure of distinction made. It is also amusing because when I was into my control delusion, it never crossed my mind to worry too much about all the critical biological functions that I had no clue about. Somehow they magically worked quite well without my help, including the lack of guarantee about waking up each morning.

     It is funny what we choose to worry about or not. I wonder how many other people engage in this silly game—wondering what is going to happen when you say and do what you plan in your mind, in reaction to an imagined conflict that never happens. Oh yes, I am guilty of that one. Are you? Probably what is worth worrying about is why you haven’t increased your own toolbox of controllables to help you find the success express to the Land of Plenty. Or are you doing that without knowing it?

     At any rate, the most important things I think I need to control in my own life, and can do so with a little focus and effort, are:

• Increasing my positive thoughts and feelings and decreasing the negative ones I allow to escape my consciousness.
• Increasing my ability to love unconditionally and decreasing my anger, fear, guilt, shame, and selfishness.
• Resisting the tempting, short-range irresponsible choices and making more responsible, long-range ones.
• Becoming a little more flexible in the expectations I have with other people and situations.
• Opening up to growing, learning and improving in my self-development.
• Offering effective advice and guidance to people who ask for it, in the right way at the right time.
• Reacting with more character, confidence and competence to adverse, uncomfortable and stressful situations.
• Influencing my health positively with proper diet, rest and exercise, especially when I don’t feel like it.
• Listening more to understand better.
• Choosing words more carefully to speak and write for more clarity and impact.
• Developing and enjoying my passions more fully.
• Looking for something positive to appreciate in even the worst of situations.
• Decreasing my aggravations and annoyances of other people’s differences and growing my tolerance and ability to forgive.

What I have learned that I can’t control but used to think I could:

• My moods.
• Other people.
• Outcomes.
• Time.
• Money
• Impatience
• My prejudices.
• The things I don’t know or understand.
• My fate or destiny.

But I certainly can control:

• How I express my moods and how long they last.
• How I approach people to influence their thinking.
• How I learn from undesirable outcomes.
• How I spend my time.
• How I spend my money.
• How I use my time when I am impatient.
• How I express my prejudices.
• How I increase my knowledge and understanding.
• How sensitive I become to avoid moments of danger and take advantage of moments of opportunity.

     This isn’t meant to be a guaranteed success map for you to get to your Land of Plenty, because your list is probably much different. The point is that it is always a good idea to stop and assess these control lists just to make sure the uncontrollables aren’t the tail wagging the dog. What I have discovered the hard way is that the closer I look at what I can and can’t control for sure, the list keeps growing, with more aspects of seemingly uncontrollable situations becoming more controllable. This is making great progress, but ironically it only becomes visible through the rear view mirror of life. It’s just a shame this wise learning took so long. But I suppose it is better late than never!